Whazzup ...

Salam. Nasib baik temujanji dengan onkologist pada hari Selasa lepas lebih baik dr temujanji sebelumnya. Biarlah pun doktor yang aku jumpa ni adalah yang ke-5 aku jumpa di klinik onkologi, tapi at least dia tahu medical history aku dan prihatin atas apa yang aku katakan padanya. Dia juga menjawab apa jua soalan yang aku tanyakan pada dia dengan baik. Itupun yg aku harapkan iaitu doktor yg merawat prihatin terhadap permasalahan pesakit macam aku. Tak lebih dari itupun.

Teringat pula cerita rakan sekerja aku di sekolah yg baru saja didiagnose positif dengan breast cancer. Kisahnya kawan aku ni telahpun sedar ada ketulan pada right breast dia beberapa bulan lalu. Dia memang ada pergi ke hospital tp sedia maklumlah di hospital kerajaan ni segala-galanya kena ikut turn. Jadi sementara menunggu appointment dia di rawat, kawan aku ni telah mencuba perawatan alternatif di kampungnya di Kelantan dan at the same time dia telah pergi buat mamogram di private klinik. Bila tiba masa appointment di hospital, dia tunjukkan imej mamogram itu, dan doktor terus kata dia kanser tp at the same time doktor kata pulak kena tunggu keputusan biopsy. Tunggu nak buat dan dapatkan keputusan biopsypun memakan masa dan kawan aku ni ntah manalah silapnya kena buat biopsy sampai tiga kali baru doktor dapat sampel yg benar-benar mengesahkan dia kanser.

Mungkin sebab keliru atau tak puas hati, kawan aku ada menyatakan pada doktor yg merawat bahawa dia bercadang nak pergi ke hospital lain utk dapatkan second opinion samada betul ke dia kanser atau ketumbuhan biasa aje. Yelah memandangkan biopsypun dia kena buat sampai tiga kali, tambah pulak rasanya dia berhak utk berbuat demikian tp tak pasal pasal telah dimarah oleh doktor dgn menyatakan, "Kalau awak nak pergi hospital lain boleh pergi tp jangan datang lagi ke sini utk rawatan" Apakah???

So dah kena marah macam gitu kawan akutu tak jadilah pergi hospital lain tp terus saja dapatkan rawatan di situ. Makan dua tiga minggu menuggu jugalah baru dapat keputusan bahawa doktor akan buat mastectomy pada right breast dia. Bila dibedah, doktor mengesahkan kanser dia dahpun tahap 3. Alhamdullillah selepas operation dia sihat dan sedang berehat di rumah sekarang ni. Tiga minggu lg dia akan ada appointment dgn doktor masa tu dia akan tahu samada dia perlu buat chemo atau tidak.

Kebetulan kawan aku ini adalah guru yg ditugaskan utk ambil alih jawatan aku sebagai guru data disekolah. Apalah nasib, guru data asal (aku) kena kanser dan guru data gantian (kawan aku tu) pun kena kanser jugak. Jangan ada yg kata jawatan itu jinx sudah. Nanti tak de sapa pulak yg sanggup nak ambil alih. Kuang kuang kuang....

Berbalik pada cerita aku pula, doktor yang merawat hari tu menetapkan aku akan dihantar untuk X-Ray bagi mengenalpasti apa yang membuat aku kerap cramp dan sakit di bahagian bawah ribcage kiri tu. Keputusan dari X-Ray itulah nanti akan menentukan apakah rawatan susulan yang akan aku jalani. Aku sebutkan jg pasal small lump dekat collarbone dan dia confirmedkan yg ketulan bersaiz 2 cm x 1 cm itu bermasalah. No radiation treatment just yet, memandangkan yg aku baru sahaja selesai diradiasi di kawasan berhampiran situ pertengahan February lalu.

Hari itu juga aku ambil kesempatan beritahu pada doktor tu yang aku akan cuba rawatan alternatif utk manage cramps dan sakit yg sedang aku alami. Bila aku terangkan padanya yg aku ingin mencuba acupuncture terkejut jugak bila dia kata, "Ok, acupuncture memang bagus untuk reliefkan pain. You can go for it". Fuhh! What a relief, ingatkan aku dah nak kena lecture dah. Maklumlah bukan semua doktor setuju dgn rawatan-rawatan alternatif ni. Walaupun kita sebagai tuan punya badan sebenarnya ada hak utk cuba apa saja yg difikirkan sesuai, tp for me to be on the safe side I thought I'd just mentioned this to him. Alhamdullilah he has no objection towards it. The only thing that he advised me was to get the treatment from a reliable person and place. Insya Allah, tempat yang aku akan pergi ni nanti meets the criteria.

Jd semalam lepas solat Zohor aku dan E-Ya telahpun pergi ke acupuncture center yg terletak di Menara KH (Menara Promet) di Jln Sultan Ismail. Ingatkan tak ramai org, tp rupanya penuh jugak tempat tu. Bukan org tempatan saja tp org luar negarapun rupanya ada datang mendapatkan rawatan di situ.

Setelah mendengar masalah aku, master acupuncturist tu menyatakan yg aku akan dicucuk jarum di kepala dan abdomen selama 30 minit. Mula-mula takut juga kalau-kalau jarum tu menyakitkan tp setelah aku lihat budak sekecil dua tahun kena cucukpun relax je so akupun lega. Yelah kalau budak sekecil itu boleh tahan takkanlah aku yg dah tua ni nak terpekik terlolong kalaupun ditakdirkan treatment tu sakit nanti. Buat malu kaum keluarga je.

Bila tiba giliran, aku disuruh masuk sebuah bilik dan baring atas katil rawatan. Lepas tu tak sampai satu minitpun dan langsung tak rasa apa-apa dah selesai tercucuk empat jarum di kepala dan empat jarum di abdomen. Tapi bila disalirkan sedikit arus elektrik menerusi jarum-jarum tersebut adalah rasa berdenyut macam kena gigit semut api sikit. Syukur alhamdullillah walaupun baru sekali treatment aku dapat rasakan hari ni sakit dan twitces aku berkurangan. Cuma badan letih aje sikit. Malam tadipun tak payah nak bergolek, berpusing keliling katil tiga empat kali utk cari kedudukan selesa utk tidur. Aku akan pergi lagi ke sana utk rawatan susulan lima hari lagi.

Master itu juga ingatkan aku sebagai pesakit kanser cuba sedaya upaya makan sayur dan buah-buahan yg organik tapi kalau tak boleh dapatkan yg organik yg biasapun boleh tp kenalah direndam dengan air garam selama 3 jam terlebih dahulu sebelum di makan. Sikit punya lama daa...

Sebenarnya ini bukanlah kali pertama aku mendapatkan perawatan alternatifpun. Sebelum ni aku dahpun mencuba reflexlogy dan perawatan secara spiritual. Semuanya aku cuba as I feel I have got nothing to lose. I have also since being diagnosed with cancer last October made changes to my diet. I am now eating more vegies (still trying actually, hehehe) and munching a lot fruits (this one, no problem ... buah 'geduak' je belum try lagi sebab tak jumpa, hua hua hua...). Minum juicepun boleh tahan. Yang biasa aku minum adalah jus epal hijau campur celery tp lama-lama jemu jugak asyik minum benda yg sama je so sekarang dipelbagaikan dengan buah dan sayur-sayuran yg lain. Oh ye, teh hijaupun aku minum juga - aku minum 'green tea from the high mountains of China' yg menurut Aunty penjualnya, "Aiya Miss, ini tea bagus punya lo... Memang ada manyak olang jual green tea tp ini tea haa... daun dia good quality punya maa. Organic dan pollution free". Kata aku pulak, "Iyelah labu...." Akibatnya, terbang RM 50 aku termakan pujukan dek bagusnya strategi marketing Aunty tu pada aku. Actually teh tu aku beli dalam Carrefour Wangsa Maju je pun, alah kat tempat yg jual herbal tea yg banyak-banyak tu. Tempat yang macam-macam teh ada tu le...

Untuk memberi tenaga pulak, biasanya for breakfast aku minum Ensure atau Prosure. Both fortified drinks mengandungi Omega-3, tp Prosure tu khusus utk cancer patient yg ingin membina muscle and nak gain weight. Minuman itu biasanya aku campurkan dengan oat atau nestum. Makan roti pulak seboleh-bolehnya wholegrain tapi kalau dah tak ada, roti putihpun aku hentam jugak. Tapi tulah kan.... I'm a bad bad bad patient. Roti canai, lontong, karipap dan nasi lemakpun aku hentam jugak. Banyak godaan dari orang sekeliling .... Habih cam mano???

Apa lagi ye? Oh ya akupun minum Xango jugak. Tapi masalahnya aku ni cepat bosan kalau dok makan atau minum benda yang sama je. So aku selang-selikan. Kalau bulan ni minum Xango, bulan depan minum jus buah delima pulak. Pokoknya kedua-dua mengandungi anti-oxidants. Vitamins pun aku makan jugak. Aku makan vitamin Herbalife, dalam lima jenis gitu.

Selain ubah pemakanan, aku jugak ubah sikit gaya hidup. Kalau dulu masa sekolah aku kuat bersukan, sampai sempat jugaklah aku wakilkan sekolah untuk acara larian, long jump dan badminton (Psst ... sekarang anda semua faham kenapa saya sedia slim?). Tp sejak dah melangkah dewasa, badan sihat dan bekerja, exercise langsung tak masuk book. Pernah sekali dulu aku mencuba squash tp setelah jatuh tergolek dalam court dan digelakan macam nak rak oleh E-Ya, terus aku gantung raket squash. Kalau tidak, bukan si Ncole David tu Juara Dunia sekarang ni tau. AKu ....

Tapi sekarang bila dah sakit dah mula exercise balik. Pelik kan? Mulanya konon nak cuba-cuba cyling, sampai sikit punya bersemangat pegi beli basikal baru, tapi malangnya tak boleh diteruskan. Sakit pinggang ...

So exercise for me now is walking. If possible I will try to go for morning walk at least 3 times a week. Kalau tak pergi for morning walk, you will see me doing what I believe is called "taichiqong" with other elders near the playground at my house. Exercise ni diketuai oleh seorg lelaki tua berbangsa Cina and sesiapapun boleh join. Tak de berdiri ikut baris baris de. Scattered je ikut suka masing masing. Macam macam gaya dan keadaan masing masing buat "taichiqong" ni. Aku pulak bila buat exercise ni suka tutup mata, konon nak menghayati supaya concentration dan breathing baik. Satu hari tu punyalah tutup mata punya hal sampaikan org lain dah tukar step aku masih step yg itu itu jugak jugak. Buka mata punya time padanlah aku tngok semua mata pandang pelik kat aku. Hampeh betul!

Selain itu aku dan E-Ya mula berjinak jinak berenang. Kami gunakan swimming pool kat sebuah condo ni untuk kami practice berenang. Actually kawan aunty aku ada tinggal di condo tu so kami gunakan nama dia utk tumpang mandi di swimming pool di situ. Diapun dah berikan green light. Swimming pool tu best, tak dalam sangat dan yg penting tak de org, so kamipun buatlah mcm swimming pool sendiri... Aku taklah pandai berenang tp kalau setakat nak bergerak dalam air tu dari kiri ke kanan atas ke bawahtu, menyelam atau buat free style bodoh-bodohtu luluslah. Lagipun masa kecik dulu aku mmg hantu mandi sungai. Sg Gombak tu dulu swimming pool aku. Selalu kena rotan sbb tak nak balik rumah...

Kata org berenang ni bagus kerana ia mengandungi all three - breathing, stretching and cardio exercises yg bagus utk badan. Lymphedema akupun dah hilang sejak aku berjinak-jinak dengan berenang ni. Pernafasanpun clear lepas berenang. Badan kalau sakit belakang, terjun ajelah dalam swimming pool, buatlah kuak apapun atau tak jalan atau aerobic sikit sikit dalam air akan hilanglah sakitnya. Betul aku tak tipu. Atas sebab ini, insya Allah bulan Jun nanti aku, E-Ya, anak saudara aku siLinda dan cousin aku akan masuk kelas utk belajar berenang dgn cara yg betul. Kami akan belajar di International Islamic School dekat dgn UIA.

See..., I told you the pool kat condo tu empty. Masa ni aku tak berenang sbb demam selsema tp E-Ya tu haa..., eksyen je lebih mcm pakar berenang konon, walhal langkahnya semua sumbang

Satu lagi aktiviti yg aku suka buat sekarang ialah aktiviti "mengumbirakan hati". Salah satu caranya ialah dgn membaking Membaking??? Apakah?? Lantak kau lah bahasa aku mmg hancuss.. Asalkan aku gumbira... Sebenarnya dari dulu lg aku suka masak kek, pie dan seangkatan dgnnya, tp makannya aku tak suka. Jd macam sekarang memandangkan dah duduk rumah tak buat apa-apa, jd aktiviti memasaktu tambah rancaklah pulak. Kek yg banyak dimasak tu biasanya aku akan suruh E-Ya berikan pada anak-anak murid yg dituitionkanya. Kata E-Ya seronok anak muridnya selalu dapat hadiah kek dr cikgu. Hampeh, mesti E-Ya mengaku dia yg masak punya ...

Inilah antara kek yg aku masak. Tp kalau yg macam ni aku tak bagi banyak pada students E-Ya kerana walaupun budak-budak mmng suka tp rasanya tak sihat kalau dimakan banyak-banyak.

Oh ya sebelum aku terlupa, insya Allah aku akan menyertai acara "Relay For Life" yg akan diadakan pada hujung minggu ini di Stadium Bkt Jalil. Cousin akulah punya kerja, dia dah daftarkan nama aku dan nama dia. So harap-harap haritu badan aku cukup kuat dan sihat utk menyertainya. Actually aku lebih berminat utk menyertai "Jacob's Walk of Life" yang akan diadakan pada bulan Jun di Taman Metropolitan Kepong tu. Tp last minute punya plans, aku akan ke PD pd hari berkenaan so tinggal angan-angan je lah. Next year maybe, insya Allah. Alah masuk benda-benda mcm gini bukan apapun, saja-saja je. Kan aku nak "gumbirakan" hati aku?

Oklah stop sini dulu sbb nak pergi siapkan kek yg aku nak hantarkan ke sekolah esok, 29 Mei sempena sambutan Hari Guru peringkat sekolah aku. Ingat ye kawan-kawan. Kita "Guru pembina negara bangsa". Pembina... bukan pembinasa tau.... Kesian aku tengok kawan-kawan aku penat kerana kuat bekerja, sedangkan aku ni penat jugak, penat sakit sbb duduk je di rumah... Cobaannn! Hehehe jangan marah ye kawan-kawan....! Sila-silakanlah makan kek saya ye...

Here's to you Doc!

Salam to all. Nak melepaskan geram sikit kali ni...

My last visit to the doctor at O&G was a disapointment. Sorry to say lah... but that's what I felt. This was also the reason why I was not in mood for anything because the whole of last 2 weeks I felt like punching the doctor in the face aje.

Here's to you Doc! Dhushh! Dhushh!

Grrr!!!

Astaghafirullah! Alas, I'm only human. I err and have many flaws. Hee ... dah lama tak geram macam ni tau ...

Ok. OK... This was what happened. As usual we, (meaning E-Ya and me lah sapa lagi...) made our way to the O & G (Colonoscopy) unit a few minutes before the stipulated time. My number was 5. As usual waiting period was about 1 hour. OK, itu semua no hal. When I was called in, I saw a not familiar face sitting at the doctor's table. " Doktor lain lagi ni ..." I mumbled under my breath. Again tak kisahlah tu semua. So long as each and every doctor yg attend my case knows about my condition and medical history, I have no problem with that. Nevertheless, I did take note that he was the 4th doctor attending me and this is only at the O&G unit we're talking about. As I've said I do not mind all this as I understand HUKM being a learning university, doctors' schedule are tight so they come and go.

Back to that doctor story. I have not met him before and have never seen him at this clinic before either. Ntah dari mana datangpun ntah lah. Dari negera GoHead GoStan kot... Hee ...!

When we entered, I saw he was flicking through the pages in my file. We gave our salam and seated ourselves. As usual, nurse Kismah was standing beside the doctor's table with my appointment card.

"When did you have your operation?", he suddenly said. Huh? Bila pulak aku kena operate ni? I said in my heart. At the same time I was also a bit pissed off. Obviously the doctor did not read my case carefully. He was not reading my latest report. In my books, he already failed ...

Nevertheless, I said, "I didn't have an operation. I was just radiated" was the reply, short.

"Oh ..." he said, flicking a few pages. Then he continued, "I see here that your neck is a problem"

Me again in my heart was, "Huh? My neck? A problem?" You gotta be joking. I just had it radiated two months prior and you said it's still a problem? This same neck that you have not seen or touched eversince I entered a few minutes ago? I know I still have a pea size lump at the collarbone vein, but it cannot be seen but touched to know that it's there. By golly I thought, how in the world could he had known that? He has not treated me before this. Dia ada geluk emas macam dalam cerita nujum Pak Belalang tu ke apa?

With that I looked at nurse Kismah and gave her a smile - a lame smile with my eye brows raised a bit. Then I turned my face to the doctor and said, "After the radiotherapy, I don't see any noticeable swelling there anymore. Only this thing, I don't know what it is, but it's not painful. It was there already when I had the lump before. Is it this what you mean?" I even lifted my tudung a bit to show the spot on my neck where the swelling used to be. But he didn't take a look. Hampess, penat jer I tayang body ...

Nurse Kismah intervened by saying, "The patient has already been radiated twice, doctor. Here in her card it's stated that the first was done in December and the second in February". Without uttering a word he again flipped through some pages of my files and then continued, "Ok. I think I'll do an abdomen check on you now. Can you please go to the examination room". I got up from the chair, and handed my bag to E-Ya. At this point of time I also noticed that E-Ya was keeping very quite. I know she was in her pissed off mode.

I proceeded to the examination room together with nurse Kismah at my side. I turned to her and said, "That's the problem if we keep changing doctors, eh?" Nurse Kismah replied, "What to do Kak. Your doctor the Prof. is a very busy man. In between lectures, he's constantly needed to perform operations". Yaa... what to do?

You see, my suppossedly doctor is Prof Hatta who happens to also be the head of Department of O&G (colonoscopy unit) and a surgeon and also a lecturing doctor. To date out of the numerous appointments that I been to, I manage to see him twice only. When I was previously warded I only saw him once. Normally it was his junior specialists whom I got to see. So far no complaints. Well not until now, that is. Hee!

In the room, as I layed down on the examination bed, I could hear the doctor talking to E-Ya in the doctor's room. However, I couldn't figure out the details of the conversation. No worries , she'll sure to report to me later.

The doctor did the routine check up by pressing and knocking his fingers on my abdomen, and pelvis. He did not make any comments as he did the check-up and I was also not in the mood to ask. A few minutes later, he then said that he wanted to check my neck.

Previously the doctors would either asked me to sit up, bent my head down or remain lying and look up. But this doctor was different. With me still lying on the bed, he asked me to bend my head not the usual up, but down. And have I mention to you about the examination bed? Well take a look below:

See... It is not the ordinary kind of bed where it is all even around. It has a cutting at the bottom of the bed. When you do pap smear or speculum you would have to put your legs apart on either sides of the bed cutting I guess. But I'm not doing those tests. The upper side of the bed was a bit raised thus, leaving my calves dangling at the small cutting. Very uncomfortable ... very, the very ... very ...

So with me in the above position, it's only logical that the neck area will feel hard as rock to touch. Kenape? Tak percaya ker? Ok ... you all cuba try test buat tengok...

To make matters worst, the doctor was pressing my neck at the wrong place. I had the lump on the lefthand side, above the collarbone beside the thyroid gland but he instead went and pressed me at the side almost towards the back of my neck! Apa kah?

Initially I wanted to correct him but when he said, "Ni rasa keras lagi ni..." I only manage to say this, "Bukan kat situ memang keras ke doktor?".

"Ye ker?" he said and you guys know what he did after that? He went on to feel his own neck pulak! Mak... tolong aku mak! Again, in my books, he failed. If only I could get another doctor to check me at the time... hem... Dream on.

After the checking I was again in the doctor's room to hear what he has to say. It took him several seconds again to flick through my file before he finally said, "There's a mass still there..." Silence. He's writting something on the papers. A few seconds later I asked, "There? Where? Abdomen, pelvis or neck? Pelvis, I suppose?"

He replied, "Yes, but the other parts like spleen and kidneys are OK. Nevermind, you have another appointment with Onco next month right? Go to them and hear what they have to say". Apa kah??? You mean you're not sure yourself? But, I still kept my cool, even as E-Ya was already giving me kicks under the table.

Alright, if he means that the mass is in the pelvic area, where the uterus is. I agree. I somehow do feel that there is still something not right with my uterus. So I asked, "What can be done, doctor?" But maybe he did not hear my question, for he just kept quiet. Hee! (dah berapa kali 'hee' ni?)

Tapi tu lah kan. Lain yang ditanya lain pulak yang dijawab. He said, "You know you are stage 4 already? And being at that stage you know ..."

Hearing this I was 'truly deeply madly' fed up. I didn't let him finished for I replied, "Ya, cannot be cured only be monitored and help to minimised the illness or pain". Come onlah. You don't have to repeat things that I already know. Tell me something new, something practical, something applicable, something I could do and practice to "minimise the illness and pain" as you doctors often said.

To add time as I noticed it's only about 15 minutes since I entered the doctor's room, I just mentioned to him about my "twitches" or cramps and lymphedema problem. While he checks my prescribtion from the computer, I keep getting E-Ya's free kicks from down under the table.

"I can only give you vitamins. Calcium" was the awaited answer. I told him I'm already taking calcium-magnesium vitamins, plus others as well, he said "That's the only thing I can give you. Who gave you the vitamins?". Apakah? Sapa bagi? Beli sendirila... My lymphedema? What lymphedema? He didn't even commented on that. Didn't hear again, I suppose. Hee!

Lepas tu, I really felt that if I could fly, I would have shot right through the door. Really, I felt that I was just wasting my time. I thought I could get some good advice as to how to take care of myself better, how to manage my pains better, and what did I get? A doctor who acts ting tong ting tong... Hee!

It's not too much to say that I get better advices from other cancer survivors such as Sis Raden Galoh and Prof Hasanah. Just go to their blogs and you'll know what I mean. At least from them I know what to do when I'm in pain, I know what to eat to build up my immune system plus many many others. Kudos to the both of them. My deepest thanks for all the tips and advices that both of you share with me and others to emulate in battling cancer.

Nevertheless, I do still need to go the hospital for medical certificates. My still not so stabilised condition does not permit me to go back teaching so I need to go and see the doctor for MCs. FIY, I am in the process of applying for a 2 year leave starting from last January 2009. So far no fuss in getting the MCs, but from this doctor? Hee... no need to tell herelah... Karang mau terbalik meja nanti.

So with the time span of nearly 20 minutes we left the doctor's room. No usual words of thanks to the doctor this time. Sorry morry... I was dissapointed and a bit angry OK. I was in such a hurry to step out from his room, I didn't even push in back the chair and nearly forgot to take my bag along. It was E-Ya who said, "Acik, tak nak bag ke?".

Out from the vicinity of the O&G unit, I looked at E-Ya and E-Ya looked at me. Then both of us blurted out simultaneously. After that, I talked first. Then her. E-Ya's opinion of the doctor was no better. She said, "Acik didn't you get my signal when I keep kicking your leg just now? I wanted to tell you it's actually a waste of your time telling him your condition when he obviously does not know what to do or is not interested to hear".

"Well, I thought he could give something to control my twitches and lymphedema. I never expected him to just prescribed me with just calcium. I heard the doctor talking to you too. What did he say?" I asked.

"Alah what else... The same stage 4 thinglah. Whether I know what that means. Are you active. I mean it's not as if this is the first time we're hearing the news, right?".

"So what did you tell him?" I asked.

"I told him I know treatment is only palliative and that you are also not bed-ridden. You always take morning walks and do exercises. Ahh ... one more thing he asked, to which I think is the most funniest of all. He said like this.., can she accept that she has the cancer?", E-Ya said.

"Can I accept I have cancer? As if it's a choice? As if I can reject it if I can't accept the cancer? What did you reply?" I asked.

"The truthlah... I said a few days after knowing, you can already joke with us as if nothing bad had happened", was the answer.

"Laa... " I said, "You don't have to say it exactly like that. The doctor must think I'm nuts or something"

"Better than him who is so insensitive to his patient's conditon. Like just now when he said you have a mass there in the pelvis. Why didn't he sent you for ultra sound or suggest a CT scan or anything like that to confirm it? He did nothing right?", E-Ya argued.

"Let's just wait what the onco doctors will do then" I said ending our conversation on the subject as we headed back home.

So people, that was why I felt like punching the doctor in the face. Don't get me wrong. I am not seeking VIP treatment everytime I come for treatment. I don't expect them to perform miracles on me. But don't tell me things I already know. Be more attentive and respond intelligently to my questions. Show at least some care towards your patients' condition. Don't repeatedly remind me that I am terminal. No hope. To me it's the same as if you are telling me to just go back home and recite the surah "Yaseen". At the same time I am not in denial. I know my condition, options and chances... and last but not least - Don't give me the "LOOK". I could see that right through that doctor's face. Dhushh!

P/s :
1. It seem that it's the season to be sick. I'm down with flu, have been for a week now. The body aches all over. But otherwise I'm OK.

2. I got news that one of my colleague in school had also been detected with cancer. Breast cancer. Will write about this later. Bubye!