Love is ... appreciating your life

2010-01-06T13:47:00.002+08:00

Pusara Arwah Acik

Dear All,
Sorry, it's been a while that I didn't update the blog. I'm still adjusting myself, living everyday without acik. Life has been hard for me, seriously. One month after acik, my grandfather passed away. I lost both of them in just a month. They taught me, from knowing nothing until what I'm today. I'm so grateful I had them in my life.

I hope, 2010 will be a better year for me, and the family...Insyaallah.

Pulangnya Ke Rahmatullah...

2009-09-20T02:04:00.002+08:00

My beloved Acik, Hasnah Kamaruddin telah pulang ke rahmatullah tepat jam 4.45 pagi, pada 18hb September 2009 bersamaan dgn 28 Ramadhan 1430. I was with arwah Acik till her last breath. Arwah pergi dengan tenang sekali. Alhamdulillah, Allah SWT telah makbulkan doa saya supaya permudahkan jalan untuk Acik.

Semuanya seperti mimpi, rasanya sampai sekarang masih terasa Acik berada di sisi saya seperti yang biasa. Masih terbau lotion yang saya selalu sapukan pada Acik.

Raya tahun ni sudah tiada makna untuk kami sekeluarga. Setiap tahun, Acik orang yg paling busy for raya's preparation. Acik akan busy buat kuih, kemaskan rumah dan siapkan duit raya utk semua anak2 saudaranya. Sekarang, Acik sudah tinggalkan kami semua.

May Acik rests in peace there. I will always love you, Acik! I'm very lucky to get the chance to learn lots of things from you. Acik, you have a special place in my heart, and I'll never forget you.

Semoga Acik ku tersayang di tempatkan di kalangan orang2 beriman. Amin.

Al-Fatihah....

---> E-ya <---

'Tis the season?

2009-07-25T10:36:00.003+08:00

I don't know about you all but I feel these past few weeks there is nothing else that I hear, but cancer.... Cancer, cancer, cancer ...Arghhh!

It's either A's sister is down with cancer, B's brother in law will have surgery in two weeks time to remove cancer, C will start his chemo next week, D just died bla bla bla. It seems this kinda news about cancer is endless. Everyday there'll be more news about it that makes me suffocate almost up to my nose with such news. I simply want to puke, well all that and plus my not so good condition body of course.

This past few weeks my body seems to rebel against me. It's giving me undescribable aches and pains. Sometimes pain killers and masagging works, but when they don't that's when the tears start to fall.

Nontheless when I went to see the neurosurgeons on the 7th of July they were happy to see me doing ok and one of them even said that I seem to have gained some weight. Haha.. little did he knew that I've played a trick on him like I always do to look more weighty. You see that day I went in wearing XL shirt and pants. That's why I looked so fluffed up. My actual size is just M.

It was there in the surgey clinic that I noticed several familiar faces. The were familiar to me because they were cancer patients whom I've seen when I wnt for radiotherapy treatment. They're in the surgey clinic meaning that they've also had surgery just like me and that could only mean one thing, that their cancer have also gotten worse also just like me. One or two were on wheel chair while others walk slowly. I guess they're fatigue or their body are so weak because of the illness. That's what I'm feeling right now.

Then there was my appoinment with the oncologist. If before I saw many cancer patients up and beat, but this time I saw many of them are lethargic. Many were on wheelchairs.

Because of my not so good condition I had to cancel my appoinments with the opthalmologist and radiologist respectively. With the opthalmologist, I requested a new apooinment date and was given the nearest possible date - Dec 2009 ! But luckily when I cancelled my simulation date for the brain scan on the 7th July I was given a new date two days later 9th July.

The simulation eventho' it went well, was pretty agonizing for me. You see I had to lie on my back and that is something that I cannot do of late. To sleep I have to lie on my sides with pillows raised thus to have the simulation in that position is very painful for me. I was groaning thro'out the simulation and the radiographer noticed that. They're very kind to make the simulation as fast as they could to lessen my pains.

With that my 5 sessions of whole brain radiation started on tha 20th July. I managed to make the first two but did come for my third trip. Why? Again I was not feeling well and my body aches all over. For the first two trips, the side effect sets in very fast. The moment I was in the car to go home, I vomited.

Reading blogs doesn't help either. Here and there I noticed that several cancer survivors are battling with the spreading of the desease to other parts of their body. Some will undergo surgery while others will be sent for chemo. Sighh...

So with all the bove being said, I can't help myself from thinking, "Is this the season for cancer cells to be jolly?" Hemm...

p/s: I'm publishing this entry without it being edited first by E-Ya. I hope I did Ok. Most importantly I hope you all can read it despite some mistakes here and there - bubye r2d2

Hanging On ...

2009-07-01T10:33:00.008+08:00

My salam to all.

It's been 3 weeks since my surgery and alhamdullillah, I'm still blessed by God the alMighty with time to spend with my loved ones. No doubt after the surgery I was feeling very tired. Tired of the highest order. No kidding. I could hardly keep my eyes open. I'd dozed off most of the day. I was just like a new born baby, waking up a few minutes then find myself dozing off again. This went on for more than a week, before I decided to try and do something about it. But with my legs still wobly, what can I do? I cannot go out for morning walk like I used to do before. Exercise with other elders at the playground is still a no no and swimming? Huh? I gotta be joking...I reckoned I'd fall asleep the moment my head touch water... Ohh how I miss all the activities that I used to do before ... Uwaaa....! Nonetheless despite all that, the doctors said that my recovery was good, considering that the operation was a major one for me.

On the day of surgery E-ya told the surgeon that I have a history of waking up fast from the effects of aneasthethia so much so that the surgeon said that he will also administer me with extra sleeping pills so that I will not wake up quick enough to feel the pain from the cut on my head. But what happened instead? The surgery was over at around 2 am and I woke up early the next morning even with the extra sleeping pills.By noon I was already entertaining visitors in the ward. In fact I recalled receiving a lot of visitors that day and I was very excited seeing familiar faces of relatives and friends. But I think my visitors were more shock to see me. I had my head shaved at the back and the place where the incision was made was covered with plaster. When the plaster was removed, they can see all 40 big staples arranged in a U shape on the right hand side of my head, next to the ear. Me all skin and bones and now with U shape metal staples up on the head. It must have really been a sight.

I was only a day in the ICU before being transferred to the ordinary ward.In this normal ward I spent 5 days before I was discharged. I was a bit surprised as I thought I'd been in the hospital at least 10 days or more. But I think after the doctors saw me on two occassions already busy talking on the hand phone, me again wheeling myself on the wheel chair down the hallway or to other patient's bed and one morning found me hungrily devouring roti canai, well that must have been the day that they decided to say, "Get this lady outta here! Pronto!" Hahaha...

But before I was discharged I was given another CT scan and an appointment with the opthalmologist to check my eye. As I've mentioned before, after the surgey I'm having trouble with my eye sight. No it's not that I cannot focus or see things, it's just that I find my vision scope has narrowed a bit. I have trouble to see objects at the sides. I can see fine if the objects are in front but not at the sides. The first day I was at home, E-Ya was already shouting, "Acik! look out for the ...! But then too late...I already banged my head against the door as I couln't see it. Luckily nothing serious happened because of that. Even as I was typing this entry, I keep pressing the capslock key as I couldn't see it and I thoughtI was pressing the A or S key. Imagine all the mistakes I've made. Luckily dear E-Ya is around to do editing for me. Bless the girl. E-Ya told me when I was in the ICU , when I couldn't talk because there were tubes down my throat, I wrote notes to her but I mixed up the alphabets until she herslf does not know what I was trying to say. I mixed up the 's' 'b' 'd' 'a' and many others. Sometimes it's like as if I'm dyslexic. Other times I just mis spelt the words. But that was then. Now I don't have that problem anymore. Alhamdullillah. Another problem is that I have difficulty with adjusting distance of objects from me. Sometimes I think the object is there and try to grab it but then it's actually a little further or nearer from me . That's why earlier I said I'm experiencing optical illusions. I hope with time my vision canbe restored back to normal. Insya Allah. Because of this problem with my eye sight one funny thing happened when I was in the ICU. when I woke up the first question I asked my sister who waited on me was, "Sis are my eyes now squinted?" When she replied, "No", Boy that was a big relief!

And then the day came when I had to remove the staples on my head. I had them removed on Monday, a week after surgery. At first I was so damn afraid just thinking about it. Actually while in the hospital I did not get the oppurtunity to see the condition of my head. When I asked E-Ya or my sisters how did my head look like, they all just say, "Oh its fine, nothing to worry...". Yeah right... But when I got home and got posession of my handphone, the first thing I did was took photo of my head and I gotta tell you I myself was appalled and afraid to see that it looked like that. I'd never imagine that it would even be like that... I have the photos for my own personal momentos, but for you all I think its enough if I say that it looked like what Mawi always says, "World!". It's too gory to show it here and for those who have photo sensitive syndrome or photo sensitive epilepsy, I don't want to be the person responsible for your fainting, or seizures. Hahaha... Serious folks. My own brother doesn't even dare to look at it longer than just a few seconds. My sister was afraid to clean the wound eventho its healingwell. And who is the person most undisturbed by all these? Who else but E-Ya. At first I had my cousin Rozaida, who is the doctor to clean it for me. E-Ya watched and after that the responsibility was hers.

That was also the reason why I was afraid when the day came to remove the staples. I told E-Ya if the pain of removing the staples is excruciating, don't be surprised if I yell and grab the nurses by the neck. I reminded her to just be ready to restrain me from doing that. But alhamdullilah, even without anaethesia I did not feel pain when the nurse removed the staples. E-Ya was present when the staples was removed and she described to me how the nurses did it. She said the nurses used an apparatus to grab the staples and then yanked it out from the head. Ouch! But as I said no pain. Even if there was, it was just like ant bites only. The next day I was already shampooing my hair. Now the wound is completely dry and there is no pain at all. I do not also have any headaches. I really, really thank God the alMighty for making all these easy and painless for me.

Then last Monday, I went to see the oncologist. A new one again this time, but at least she knew my medical history. She said that I will be sent for brain radiotherapy and the simulation will be on 7th of July at 3.30 pm. She said The radiotherapy is to ensure there will be no recurrence, that it gets all the small tumors (if any) that cannot be captured by CT scan. Just thinking about it scares me, but I guess these doctors knows what'sbest for me, so I obliged. The only thing asked was what will the side effects be. She mentioned things like nausea, headaches and memory loss. Hem... Not too bad I guess... Whoa..., wait a second... MEMORY LOSS?? Will I not be able to recall events that had happened in my life or will I not remember my family, friends or even my own self? What about all my ex boyfriends? Jeng, jeng, jeng.... Oh well, adios guys ...

However looking thru the internet I found out that this memory loss is only temporary. and other side effects will also also include fatigue and hair loss. The doctor also said that I'll be zapped only 5 times and that there will be medications prescribed to me to control the side effects, so Insya Allah I'll be alright. But just in case, do pray for me too ya... Pray that I'll be able to tolerate all this and that my body will be able to withstand the procedure. As I am already fatigue right now and I don't know how much more fatigue I'll be.

That 7th of July will also be my appointment date with the Neuro surgeons. But it will be in the morning. So I guess I'll be pretty busy next week. Previously I had appointments with only two units - gynae onco and onco. But after the surgery I have two more attachments with the opthalmologist and neuro surgeon. I guess now HUKM is like my second family already.

OK I guess I'd better stop here before I fall asleep in front of this PC. I'll drop by again next time if I have the time and energy. Bubye!

Theories and more theories ...

2009-06-14T18:00:00.009+08:00

Salam to all. Alhamdullillah after giving my beloved family and friends a scare last sunday, I'm back here today updating my condition to all. Yes I did underwent a brain surgery last Sunday. I was told that I had a 4cm x 4cm tumor removed and blood clots cleared from my occipittal lobes.. in an operation that took about 5 hrs to complete.. This was totally unexpected. I never saw it coming at all, as there were no symptoms or signs at all. I only knew that I collapsed in my room that Sunday morning and was minutes later wheeled in an ambulance to the emergency unit of HUKM. And within several hrs after that I was already under the surgeons' knife. Everything was done in a jiffy. My family members hardly had any time to discuss the situation. They have to make the decision as to allow the operation to be done or not there and then itself. The gravity of the situation was such that if I do not go for surgery, I'd remain in the unconcious condition that I went in. If I opt for surgery, I might risk not waking up, meaning I'd be in comma or if I do, I'd be in a vegetative situation. How that for a choice, eh?

The operation was a major one but I was one of the lucky ones that managed to survive it. I did not only survived it but was told by the doctors that I was out of life threathening situation and that in due time, I will be able to carryout my life somewhat 'near normal'.... Alhamdullillah. My gratutitude to Allah SWT and all well wishers who had prayed hard for me. Of course I have side effects of the operation. One of it involves my vision. It's still something not right. I seem to be experiencing some optical illussions and it's giving me headaches at times. Other than that I'm OK. I'm able to walk and fend for myself eventhough I need some assisstance to that. Well, can't complain too much. At least God is still giving me time to spend with my family. And oh Ya. I also have 40 'staples' up on my head now, courtesy of the operation. I have one thing good to say about all this though. I've always wanted to have Halle Berry's hairstyle as in the Catwoman, and because of this operation, now I do! Some even say I looked younger in my new Halle Berry hairstyle. Hahahahaha.. But then my bousterous nephews just say that I looked like that character in the telemovie "Sutun", Drat!

FIY,i will also use all the time I have now to recuperate and try to regain most of my strength and energy back. I want to be able to carryout most of the things tht I used to do as quickly as possible. I do not want to be a burden to anyone.

Regarding my cancer I did get some other new info about it but I do not want to go into details about it. This will also be the reason why you all will not see me updating frequently this humble blog of mine. Only If I had the time and urge to do so, I'll do it if not just rely on the saying that says "no news is good news". Ok bubbye for now and thank you again for kind support and prayers. Only God the alMighty can repay for whatever that you have done for me. Thank you.

Signing off, r2d2.

Plz Pray For My Beloved Aunt

2009-06-08T07:42:00.003+08:00

Salam All,

I'm E-Ya here. I'm writing to let all know that my beloved aunt is now fighting for her life in HUKM. On Sunday (June, 7th) at around 10am, I found my aunt lying on her bed and I was so surprised to see her condition. She can't move her body, and can't talk at all. She tried to say something to me, but I can't understand her. My first thought was she might had stroke.

I became panicked when she couldn't respond to me and started to close her eyes. The only thing I could remember was to get an ambulance.

My aunt was admitted immediately to the Emergency Unit, and since it was sunday, I had to wait for two hours and thirty minutes until an Oncologist came and examine my aunt. The Oncologist didn't take a long time to find the cause. He straight away explained that it was not stroke, but it's the BRAIN.

Right after that, my aunt was sent for a brain scan. At around 5.15pm, a NeuroSergeon came to see my aunt and evaluated the result of the scan. As what they expected, they found a tumor (size approximately 4 by 4) and I was also told that they can see blood in the brain. Nothing else I asked to them except what can they do for my aunt.

They wanted to do the brain surgery in order to remove the tumor and the blood. The surgery is to make my aunt wake up again. They explained to me and other family members about the risks. One of the surgeon showed to me there's a blood vessel which is very near to the tumor. I can see it clearly from the image on the computer. If the blood vessel is injured during the surgery, my aunt will not wake up anymore.

It was a very tough decision to be made. Maybe the toughest in my life. I couldn't think of anything at that time, however my heart strongly says to proceed with the surgery.

My mom signed the consent letter, and at 9pm my aunt was sent to the OT. The surgery will take 5 hours.

At 2.30 am, the surgeons went out from the OT and told me that the surgery was a success. It went well, and my aunt was all the time stable during the surgery. Alhamdulillah! Syukur tak terhingga......

My aunt is now in the ICU, and we shall wait for her to wake up. Plz pray that she will be able to recover. Plz pray that she will be able to talk to me everyday like it used to be. Plz pray that she could take care of my grandparents like she always do..........

From the bottom of my heart, I know she's strong. She promised to me that she will fight to matter what!

To all my family members, my aunt's friends, Mr. Ice T and friends, thank you so much for your support and prayers. Hanya Allah SWT yg membalas budi baik kalian.

Celebrate - Remember - Fight Back

2009-06-01T17:43:00.004+08:00

Salam to all.

Alhamdullillah my plan to take part in the Relay 4 Life 2009 materialised eventho' I had slight cramps and back pains that day. E-Ya was initially against me going but I said nevermind lets just give it a try. After all this is my first experience joining such event and I want to see what's it all about. So the four of us, - 2 cousins, E-Ya and me set off after Asar, with my cousin Oji doing the driving. When we reached the stadium, parking was not a problem. We managed to get a parking space that's just about 50 meters from the entrance.

Once in the stadium we did not immediately seated ourselves but went on to tour the stadium grounds to see what's available at the many booths set up by various groups and organizations. Then we took a short rest and after that my cousin Oji was already inspecting the food stalls while my other cousin, Intan was busy meeting up with her friends from one of the support group that she joins. Overall I would say the turn out was not as many as I expected, maybe because it was a 2 day event and I was a bit early reaching there. Nevertheless the ground of the stadium was already filled with tents to be used by survivors and and non-survivors who wish to stay the night at the stadium.

At about 6 pm the emcee announced that the Survivor's Lap was about to start and all us survivors were asked to be on the track to start the walk.

I could also see many banners and placards representing either cancer support groups or various types of cancer, but I do not see any banner or placards with endometrial cancer on it, and since I'm not a member of any support group hemm... where should I stand in then? Ah lantaklah I said to myself, join aje mana-mana... tapi punyalah tak perasan rupa-rupanya group yang I join tu the leader was carrying the placard that reads "PROSTATE CANCER!" Hua hua hua. But why la yg bawak placard tu pompuan? No wonder I was confused...

The purpose of the walk is a testimony to signify to the public that there are many people that can survive cancer. The situation was not like 10 or 15 years ago whereby whenever you hear a person down with cancer its practically a 'no hope' situation for him or her. Nowadays cancer patients have several options of treatment that they can go for and it is only them that can tell which is best for themselves.

While we survivors were doing the lap around the track, non survivors who were standing at the sides of the field were encouraged to stick on to us a small encouragment sticker with the word 'Champion' printed on it. Well I had my fair share of stickers given by persons I don't even know who, and to them, my greatest thanks. I really hope that I stand up to the meaning of that word and one day be a champion in battling my cancer. Ameen.

Anyway enjoy the following photos that E-Ya and me took on that day:

Off we go ...survivors on the march

For once, no worried faces - only laughs and smiles ...

Laa ... ni minah kurus mana pulak yg terlepas tunjuk 'peace' ni? Dia silap event ni... This is Relay4Life kak oii .... bukannya 'Peace no War' punya campaign, hehehe...

There was also the participation of people who have helped make this event a success. They comprises mainly of volunteers and donors from institute of higher learning and corporate sectors.

This particular group of guys purposely shaved their hair to show support to us survivors. Salute you guys!

The people from KPJ health group

The two pics above... Survivors? Dunno ...,coz I did not hear the emcee's description of them. But they sure add color to the walk.

Tengah 'Lost in space...' mencari the endometrial Ca group yang rupa-rupanye mmng tak de ...Ishhh!

The highlight of the Relay 4 Life event was the Luminaria ceremony. It is the most inspirational moment of the relay. After sunset, families, friends and survivors will light up candles in paper bags bearing the names of those who had fought cancer. Below are examples of some of the luminarias that I managed to snap before my camera's battery went kaput.

No doubt that day I met a lot of survivors. Some have survived cancer more than 6 or seven years, but there are also some that are new, like me. In my eyes, they are all champions. They have shown that with high spirits and determination, cancer can be conquered.

Perhaps the greatest champion of them all on that day is this 11 year old girl, Nurul Islah Mohd. Shah who hails from Seremban. Much tears dropped that night when she read her journey fighting cancer.

Islah was diagnosed with brain cancer and after undergoing surgery and treatment she is free from it. But with a very heavy price to pay. She now moves around with a walker as a tumour in her central nervous system affects her body’s balance and motor functions. The cancer treatment also leaves her facial expression unchanged. Despite all that, Nurul Islah is optimistic about getting well soon. I hope she does too. Ameen.

Nurul Islah shown here with her sister Hannan

Since the Relay 4 Life is a 2 day event, participants of the event are encouraged not to sleep that night to signify how cancer never "sleeps". But then... even if cancer never sleeps, I do. Cancer patient needs ample rest to build up strength and immune system to fight cancer cells, remember? So off we went back home at about 10 pm... tapi sebelum tu ... kita posing dulu ....!

Isk isk isk ... anak anak sapa laa ni...

and last but not least - Pesanan dari penaja ...

Ingat tu Cik Kiah ...!

Whazzup ...

2009-05-28T17:46:00.014+08:00

Salam. Nasib baik temujanji dengan onkologist pada hari Selasa lepas lebih baik dr temujanji sebelumnya. Biarlah pun doktor yang aku jumpa ni adalah yang ke-5 aku jumpa di klinik onkologi, tapi at least dia tahu medical history aku dan prihatin atas apa yang aku katakan padanya. Dia juga menjawab apa jua soalan yang aku tanyakan pada dia dengan baik. Itupun yg aku harapkan iaitu doktor yg merawat prihatin terhadap permasalahan pesakit macam aku. Tak lebih dari itupun.

Teringat pula cerita rakan sekerja aku di sekolah yg baru saja didiagnose positif dengan breast cancer. Kisahnya kawan aku ni telahpun sedar ada ketulan pada right breast dia beberapa bulan lalu. Dia memang ada pergi ke hospital tp sedia maklumlah di hospital kerajaan ni segala-galanya kena ikut turn. Jadi sementara menunggu appointment dia di rawat, kawan aku ni telah mencuba perawatan alternatif di kampungnya di Kelantan dan at the same time dia telah pergi buat mamogram di private klinik. Bila tiba masa appointment di hospital, dia tunjukkan imej mamogram itu, dan doktor terus kata dia kanser tp at the same time doktor kata pulak kena tunggu keputusan biopsy. Tunggu nak buat dan dapatkan keputusan biopsypun memakan masa dan kawan aku ni ntah manalah silapnya kena buat biopsy sampai tiga kali baru doktor dapat sampel yg benar-benar mengesahkan dia kanser.

Mungkin sebab keliru atau tak puas hati, kawan aku ada menyatakan pada doktor yg merawat bahawa dia bercadang nak pergi ke hospital lain utk dapatkan second opinion samada betul ke dia kanser atau ketumbuhan biasa aje. Yelah memandangkan biopsypun dia kena buat sampai tiga kali, tambah pulak rasanya dia berhak utk berbuat demikian tp tak pasal pasal telah dimarah oleh doktor dgn menyatakan, "Kalau awak nak pergi hospital lain boleh pergi tp jangan datang lagi ke sini utk rawatan" Apakah???

So dah kena marah macam gitu kawan akutu tak jadilah pergi hospital lain tp terus saja dapatkan rawatan di situ. Makan dua tiga minggu menuggu jugalah baru dapat keputusan bahawa doktor akan buat mastectomy pada right breast dia. Bila dibedah, doktor mengesahkan kanser dia dahpun tahap 3. Alhamdullillah selepas operation dia sihat dan sedang berehat di rumah sekarang ni. Tiga minggu lg dia akan ada appointment dgn doktor masa tu dia akan tahu samada dia perlu buat chemo atau tidak.

Kebetulan kawan aku ini adalah guru yg ditugaskan utk ambil alih jawatan aku sebagai guru data disekolah. Apalah nasib, guru data asal (aku) kena kanser dan guru data gantian (kawan aku tu) pun kena kanser jugak. Jangan ada yg kata jawatan itu jinx sudah. Nanti tak de sapa pulak yg sanggup nak ambil alih. Kuang kuang kuang....

Berbalik pada cerita aku pula, doktor yang merawat hari tu menetapkan aku akan dihantar untuk X-Ray bagi mengenalpasti apa yang membuat aku kerap cramp dan sakit di bahagian bawah ribcage kiri tu. Keputusan dari X-Ray itulah nanti akan menentukan apakah rawatan susulan yang akan aku jalani. Aku sebutkan jg pasal small lump dekat collarbone dan dia confirmedkan yg ketulan bersaiz 2 cm x 1 cm itu bermasalah. No radiation treatment just yet, memandangkan yg aku baru sahaja selesai diradiasi di kawasan berhampiran situ pertengahan February lalu.

Hari itu juga aku ambil kesempatan beritahu pada doktor tu yang aku akan cuba rawatan alternatif utk manage cramps dan sakit yg sedang aku alami. Bila aku terangkan padanya yg aku ingin mencuba acupuncture terkejut jugak bila dia kata, "Ok, acupuncture memang bagus untuk reliefkan pain. You can go for it". Fuhh! What a relief, ingatkan aku dah nak kena lecture dah. Maklumlah bukan semua doktor setuju dgn rawatan-rawatan alternatif ni. Walaupun kita sebagai tuan punya badan sebenarnya ada hak utk cuba apa saja yg difikirkan sesuai, tp for me to be on the safe side I thought I'd just mentioned this to him. Alhamdullilah he has no objection towards it. The only thing that he advised me was to get the treatment from a reliable person and place. Insya Allah, tempat yang aku akan pergi ni nanti meets the criteria.

Jd semalam lepas solat Zohor aku dan E-Ya telahpun pergi ke acupuncture center yg terletak di Menara KH (Menara Promet) di Jln Sultan Ismail. Ingatkan tak ramai org, tp rupanya penuh jugak tempat tu. Bukan org tempatan saja tp org luar negarapun rupanya ada datang mendapatkan rawatan di situ.

Setelah mendengar masalah aku, master acupuncturist tu menyatakan yg aku akan dicucuk jarum di kepala dan abdomen selama 30 minit. Mula-mula takut juga kalau-kalau jarum tu menyakitkan tp setelah aku lihat budak sekecil dua tahun kena cucukpun relax je so akupun lega. Yelah kalau budak sekecil itu boleh tahan takkanlah aku yg dah tua ni nak terpekik terlolong kalaupun ditakdirkan treatment tu sakit nanti. Buat malu kaum keluarga je.

Bila tiba giliran, aku disuruh masuk sebuah bilik dan baring atas katil rawatan. Lepas tu tak sampai satu minitpun dan langsung tak rasa apa-apa dah selesai tercucuk empat jarum di kepala dan empat jarum di abdomen. Tapi bila disalirkan sedikit arus elektrik menerusi jarum-jarum tersebut adalah rasa berdenyut macam kena gigit semut api sikit. Syukur alhamdullillah walaupun baru sekali treatment aku dapat rasakan hari ni sakit dan twitces aku berkurangan. Cuma badan letih aje sikit. Malam tadipun tak payah nak bergolek, berpusing keliling katil tiga empat kali utk cari kedudukan selesa utk tidur. Aku akan pergi lagi ke sana utk rawatan susulan lima hari lagi.

Master itu juga ingatkan aku sebagai pesakit kanser cuba sedaya upaya makan sayur dan buah-buahan yg organik tapi kalau tak boleh dapatkan yg organik yg biasapun boleh tp kenalah direndam dengan air garam selama 3 jam terlebih dahulu sebelum di makan. Sikit punya lama daa...

Sebenarnya ini bukanlah kali pertama aku mendapatkan perawatan alternatifpun. Sebelum ni aku dahpun mencuba reflexlogy dan perawatan secara spiritual. Semuanya aku cuba as I feel I have got nothing to lose. I have also since being diagnosed with cancer last October made changes to my diet. I am now eating more vegies (still trying actually, hehehe) and munching a lot fruits (this one, no problem ... buah 'geduak' je belum try lagi sebab tak jumpa, hua hua hua...). Minum juicepun boleh tahan. Yang biasa aku minum adalah jus epal hijau campur celery tp lama-lama jemu jugak asyik minum benda yg sama je so sekarang dipelbagaikan dengan buah dan sayur-sayuran yg lain. Oh ye, teh hijaupun aku minum juga - aku minum 'green tea from the high mountains of China' yg menurut Aunty penjualnya, "Aiya Miss, ini tea bagus punya lo... Memang ada manyak olang jual green tea tp ini tea haa... daun dia good quality punya maa. Organic dan pollution free". Kata aku pulak, "Iyelah labu...." Akibatnya, terbang RM 50 aku termakan pujukan dek bagusnya strategi marketing Aunty tu pada aku. Actually teh tu aku beli dalam Carrefour Wangsa Maju je pun, alah kat tempat yg jual herbal tea yg banyak-banyak tu. Tempat yang macam-macam teh ada tu le...

Untuk memberi tenaga pulak, biasanya for breakfast aku minum Ensure atau Prosure. Both fortified drinks mengandungi Omega-3, tp Prosure tu khusus utk cancer patient yg ingin membina muscle and nak gain weight. Minuman itu biasanya aku campurkan dengan oat atau nestum. Makan roti pulak seboleh-bolehnya wholegrain tapi kalau dah tak ada, roti putihpun aku hentam jugak. Tapi tulah kan.... I'm a bad bad bad patient. Roti canai, lontong, karipap dan nasi lemakpun aku hentam jugak. Banyak godaan dari orang sekeliling .... Habih cam mano???

Apa lagi ye? Oh ya akupun minum Xango jugak. Tapi masalahnya aku ni cepat bosan kalau dok makan atau minum benda yang sama je. So aku selang-selikan. Kalau bulan ni minum Xango, bulan depan minum jus buah delima pulak. Pokoknya kedua-dua mengandungi anti-oxidants. Vitamins pun aku makan jugak. Aku makan vitamin Herbalife, dalam lima jenis gitu.

Selain ubah pemakanan, aku jugak ubah sikit gaya hidup. Kalau dulu masa sekolah aku kuat bersukan, sampai sempat jugaklah aku wakilkan sekolah untuk acara larian, long jump dan badminton (Psst ... sekarang anda semua faham kenapa saya sedia slim?). Tp sejak dah melangkah dewasa, badan sihat dan bekerja, exercise langsung tak masuk book. Pernah sekali dulu aku mencuba squash tp setelah jatuh tergolek dalam court dan digelakan macam nak rak oleh E-Ya, terus aku gantung raket squash. Kalau tidak, bukan si Ncole David tu Juara Dunia sekarang ni tau. AKu ....

Tapi sekarang bila dah sakit dah mula exercise balik. Pelik kan? Mulanya konon nak cuba-cuba cyling, sampai sikit punya bersemangat pegi beli basikal baru, tapi malangnya tak boleh diteruskan. Sakit pinggang ...

So exercise for me now is walking. If possible I will try to go for morning walk at least 3 times a week. Kalau tak pergi for morning walk, you will see me doing what I believe is called "taichiqong" with other elders near the playground at my house. Exercise ni diketuai oleh seorg lelaki tua berbangsa Cina and sesiapapun boleh join. Tak de berdiri ikut baris baris de. Scattered je ikut suka masing masing. Macam macam gaya dan keadaan masing masing buat "taichiqong" ni. Aku pulak bila buat exercise ni suka tutup mata, konon nak menghayati supaya concentration dan breathing baik. Satu hari tu punyalah tutup mata punya hal sampaikan org lain dah tukar step aku masih step yg itu itu jugak jugak. Buka mata punya time padanlah aku tngok semua mata pandang pelik kat aku. Hampeh betul!

Selain itu aku dan E-Ya mula berjinak jinak berenang. Kami gunakan swimming pool kat sebuah condo ni untuk kami practice berenang. Actually kawan aunty aku ada tinggal di condo tu so kami gunakan nama dia utk tumpang mandi di swimming pool di situ. Diapun dah berikan green light. Swimming pool tu best, tak dalam sangat dan yg penting tak de org, so kamipun buatlah mcm swimming pool sendiri... Aku taklah pandai berenang tp kalau setakat nak bergerak dalam air tu dari kiri ke kanan atas ke bawahtu, menyelam atau buat free style bodoh-bodohtu luluslah. Lagipun masa kecik dulu aku mmg hantu mandi sungai. Sg Gombak tu dulu swimming pool aku. Selalu kena rotan sbb tak nak balik rumah...

Kata org berenang ni bagus kerana ia mengandungi all three - breathing, stretching and cardio exercises yg bagus utk badan. Lymphedema akupun dah hilang sejak aku berjinak-jinak dengan berenang ni. Pernafasanpun clear lepas berenang. Badan kalau sakit belakang, terjun ajelah dalam swimming pool, buatlah kuak apapun atau tak jalan atau aerobic sikit sikit dalam air akan hilanglah sakitnya. Betul aku tak tipu. Atas sebab ini, insya Allah bulan Jun nanti aku, E-Ya, anak saudara aku siLinda dan cousin aku akan masuk kelas utk belajar berenang dgn cara yg betul. Kami akan belajar di International Islamic School dekat dgn UIA.

See..., I told you the pool kat condo tu empty. Masa ni aku tak berenang sbb demam selsema tp E-Ya tu haa..., eksyen je lebih mcm pakar berenang konon, walhal langkahnya semua sumbang

Satu lagi aktiviti yg aku suka buat sekarang ialah aktiviti "mengumbirakan hati". Salah satu caranya ialah dgn membaking Membaking??? Apakah?? Lantak kau lah bahasa aku mmg hancuss.. Asalkan aku gumbira... Sebenarnya dari dulu lg aku suka masak kek, pie dan seangkatan dgnnya, tp makannya aku tak suka. Jd macam sekarang memandangkan dah duduk rumah tak buat apa-apa, jd aktiviti memasaktu tambah rancaklah pulak. Kek yg banyak dimasak tu biasanya aku akan suruh E-Ya berikan pada anak-anak murid yg dituitionkanya. Kata E-Ya seronok anak muridnya selalu dapat hadiah kek dr cikgu. Hampeh, mesti E-Ya mengaku dia yg masak punya ...

Inilah antara kek yg aku masak. Tp kalau yg macam ni aku tak bagi banyak pada students E-Ya kerana walaupun budak-budak mmng suka tp rasanya tak sihat kalau dimakan banyak-banyak.

Oh ya sebelum aku terlupa, insya Allah aku akan menyertai acara "Relay For Life" yg akan diadakan pada hujung minggu ini di Stadium Bkt Jalil. Cousin akulah punya kerja, dia dah daftarkan nama aku dan nama dia. So harap-harap haritu badan aku cukup kuat dan sihat utk menyertainya. Actually aku lebih berminat utk menyertai "Jacob's Walk of Life" yang akan diadakan pada bulan Jun di Taman Metropolitan Kepong tu. Tp last minute punya plans, aku akan ke PD pd hari berkenaan so tinggal angan-angan je lah. Next year maybe, insya Allah. Alah masuk benda-benda mcm gini bukan apapun, saja-saja je. Kan aku nak "gumbirakan" hati aku?

Oklah stop sini dulu sbb nak pergi siapkan kek yg aku nak hantarkan ke sekolah esok, 29 Mei sempena sambutan Hari Guru peringkat sekolah aku. Ingat ye kawan-kawan. Kita "Guru pembina negara bangsa". Pembina... bukan pembinasa tau.... Kesian aku tengok kawan-kawan aku penat kerana kuat bekerja, sedangkan aku ni penat jugak, penat sakit sbb duduk je di rumah... Cobaannn! Hehehe jangan marah ye kawan-kawan....! Sila-silakanlah makan kek saya ye...

Here's to you Doc!

2009-05-18T17:56:00.021+08:00

Salam to all. Nak melepaskan geram sikit kali ni...

My last visit to the doctor at O&G was a disapointment. Sorry to say lah... but that's what I felt. This was also the reason why I was not in mood for anything because the whole of last 2 weeks I felt like punching the doctor in the face aje.

Here's to you Doc! Dhushh! Dhushh!

Grrr!!!

Astaghafirullah! Alas, I'm only human. I err and have many flaws. Hee ... dah lama tak geram macam ni tau ...

Ok. OK... This was what happened. As usual we, (meaning E-Ya and me lah sapa lagi...) made our way to the O & G (Colonoscopy) unit a few minutes before the stipulated time. My number was 5. As usual waiting period was about 1 hour. OK, itu semua no hal. When I was called in, I saw a not familiar face sitting at the doctor's table. " Doktor lain lagi ni ..." I mumbled under my breath. Again tak kisahlah tu semua. So long as each and every doctor yg attend my case knows about my condition and medical history, I have no problem with that. Nevertheless, I did take note that he was the 4th doctor attending me and this is only at the O&G unit we're talking about. As I've said I do not mind all this as I understand HUKM being a learning university, doctors' schedule are tight so they come and go.

Back to that doctor story. I have not met him before and have never seen him at this clinic before either. Ntah dari mana datangpun ntah lah. Dari negera GoHead GoStan kot... Hee ...!

When we entered, I saw he was flicking through the pages in my file. We gave our salam and seated ourselves. As usual, nurse Kismah was standing beside the doctor's table with my appointment card.

"When did you have your operation?", he suddenly said. Huh? Bila pulak aku kena operate ni? I said in my heart. At the same time I was also a bit pissed off. Obviously the doctor did not read my case carefully. He was not reading my latest report. In my books, he already failed ...

Nevertheless, I said, "I didn't have an operation. I was just radiated" was the reply, short.

"Oh ..." he said, flicking a few pages. Then he continued, "I see here that your neck is a problem"

Me again in my heart was, "Huh? My neck? A problem?" You gotta be joking. I just had it radiated two months prior and you said it's still a problem? This same neck that you have not seen or touched eversince I entered a few minutes ago? I know I still have a pea size lump at the collarbone vein, but it cannot be seen but touched to know that it's there. By golly I thought, how in the world could he had known that? He has not treated me before this. Dia ada geluk emas macam dalam cerita nujum Pak Belalang tu ke apa?

With that I looked at nurse Kismah and gave her a smile - a lame smile with my eye brows raised a bit. Then I turned my face to the doctor and said, "After the radiotherapy, I don't see any noticeable swelling there anymore. Only this thing, I don't know what it is, but it's not painful. It was there already when I had the lump before. Is it this what you mean?" I even lifted my tudung a bit to show the spot on my neck where the swelling used to be. But he didn't take a look. Hampess, penat jer I tayang body ...

Nurse Kismah intervened by saying, "The patient has already been radiated twice, doctor. Here in her card it's stated that the first was done in December and the second in February". Without uttering a word he again flipped through some pages of my files and then continued, "Ok. I think I'll do an abdomen check on you now. Can you please go to the examination room". I got up from the chair, and handed my bag to E-Ya. At this point of time I also noticed that E-Ya was keeping very quite. I know she was in her pissed off mode.

I proceeded to the examination room together with nurse Kismah at my side. I turned to her and said, "That's the problem if we keep changing doctors, eh?" Nurse Kismah replied, "What to do Kak. Your doctor the Prof. is a very busy man. In between lectures, he's constantly needed to perform operations". Yaa... what to do?

You see, my suppossedly doctor is Prof Hatta who happens to also be the head of Department of O&G (colonoscopy unit) and a surgeon and also a lecturing doctor. To date out of the numerous appointments that I been to, I manage to see him twice only. When I was previously warded I only saw him once. Normally it was his junior specialists whom I got to see. So far no complaints. Well not until now, that is. Hee!

In the room, as I layed down on the examination bed, I could hear the doctor talking to E-Ya in the doctor's room. However, I couldn't figure out the details of the conversation. No worries , she'll sure to report to me later.

The doctor did the routine check up by pressing and knocking his fingers on my abdomen, and pelvis. He did not make any comments as he did the check-up and I was also not in the mood to ask. A few minutes later, he then said that he wanted to check my neck.

Previously the doctors would either asked me to sit up, bent my head down or remain lying and look up. But this doctor was different. With me still lying on the bed, he asked me to bend my head not the usual up, but down. And have I mention to you about the examination bed? Well take a look below:

See... It is not the ordinary kind of bed where it is all even around. It has a cutting at the bottom of the bed. When you do pap smear or speculum you would have to put your legs apart on either sides of the bed cutting I guess. But I'm not doing those tests. The upper side of the bed was a bit raised thus, leaving my calves dangling at the small cutting. Very uncomfortable ... very, the very ... very ...

So with me in the above position, it's only logical that the neck area will feel hard as rock to touch. Kenape? Tak percaya ker? Ok ... you all cuba try test buat tengok...

To make matters worst, the doctor was pressing my neck at the wrong place. I had the lump on the lefthand side, above the collarbone beside the thyroid gland but he instead went and pressed me at the side almost towards the back of my neck! Apa kah?

Initially I wanted to correct him but when he said, "Ni rasa keras lagi ni..." I only manage to say this, "Bukan kat situ memang keras ke doktor?".

"Ye ker?" he said and you guys know what he did after that? He went on to feel his own neck pulak! Mak... tolong aku mak! Again, in my books, he failed. If only I could get another doctor to check me at the time... hem... Dream on.

After the checking I was again in the doctor's room to hear what he has to say. It took him several seconds again to flick through my file before he finally said, "There's a mass still there..." Silence. He's writting something on the papers. A few seconds later I asked, "There? Where? Abdomen, pelvis or neck? Pelvis, I suppose?"

He replied, "Yes, but the other parts like spleen and kidneys are OK. Nevermind, you have another appointment with Onco next month right? Go to them and hear what they have to say". Apa kah??? You mean you're not sure yourself? But, I still kept my cool, even as E-Ya was already giving me kicks under the table.

Alright, if he means that the mass is in the pelvic area, where the uterus is. I agree. I somehow do feel that there is still something not right with my uterus. So I asked, "What can be done, doctor?" But maybe he did not hear my question, for he just kept quiet. Hee! (dah berapa kali 'hee' ni?)

Tapi tu lah kan. Lain yang ditanya lain pulak yang dijawab. He said, "You know you are stage 4 already? And being at that stage you know ..."

Hearing this I was 'truly deeply madly' fed up. I didn't let him finished for I replied, "Ya, cannot be cured only be monitored and help to minimised the illness or pain". Come onlah. You don't have to repeat things that I already know. Tell me something new, something practical, something applicable, something I could do and practice to "minimise the illness and pain" as you doctors often said.

To add time as I noticed it's only about 15 minutes since I entered the doctor's room, I just mentioned to him about my "twitches" or cramps and lymphedema problem. While he checks my prescribtion from the computer, I keep getting E-Ya's free kicks from down under the table.

"I can only give you vitamins. Calcium" was the awaited answer. I told him I'm already taking calcium-magnesium vitamins, plus others as well, he said "That's the only thing I can give you. Who gave you the vitamins?". Apakah? Sapa bagi? Beli sendirila... My lymphedema? What lymphedema? He didn't even commented on that. Didn't hear again, I suppose. Hee!

Lepas tu, I really felt that if I could fly, I would have shot right through the door. Really, I felt that I was just wasting my time. I thought I could get some good advice as to how to take care of myself better, how to manage my pains better, and what did I get? A doctor who acts ting tong ting tong... Hee!

It's not too much to say that I get better advices from other cancer survivors such as Sis Raden Galoh and Prof Hasanah. Just go to their blogs and you'll know what I mean. At least from them I know what to do when I'm in pain, I know what to eat to build up my immune system plus many many others. Kudos to the both of them. My deepest thanks for all the tips and advices that both of you share with me and others to emulate in battling cancer.

Nevertheless, I do still need to go the hospital for medical certificates. My still not so stabilised condition does not permit me to go back teaching so I need to go and see the doctor for MCs. FIY, I am in the process of applying for a 2 year leave starting from last January 2009. So far no fuss in getting the MCs, but from this doctor? Hee... no need to tell herelah... Karang mau terbalik meja nanti.

So with the time span of nearly 20 minutes we left the doctor's room. No usual words of thanks to the doctor this time. Sorry morry... I was dissapointed and a bit angry OK. I was in such a hurry to step out from his room, I didn't even push in back the chair and nearly forgot to take my bag along. It was E-Ya who said, "Acik, tak nak bag ke?".

Out from the vicinity of the O&G unit, I looked at E-Ya and E-Ya looked at me. Then both of us blurted out simultaneously. After that, I talked first. Then her. E-Ya's opinion of the doctor was no better. She said, "Acik didn't you get my signal when I keep kicking your leg just now? I wanted to tell you it's actually a waste of your time telling him your condition when he obviously does not know what to do or is not interested to hear".

"Well, I thought he could give something to control my twitches and lymphedema. I never expected him to just prescribed me with just calcium. I heard the doctor talking to you too. What did he say?" I asked.

"Alah what else... The same stage 4 thinglah. Whether I know what that means. Are you active. I mean it's not as if this is the first time we're hearing the news, right?".

"So what did you tell him?" I asked.

"I told him I know treatment is only palliative and that you are also not bed-ridden. You always take morning walks and do exercises. Ahh ... one more thing he asked, to which I think is the most funniest of all. He said like this.., can she accept that she has the cancer?", E-Ya said.

"Can I accept I have cancer? As if it's a choice? As if I can reject it if I can't accept the cancer? What did you reply?" I asked.

"The truthlah... I said a few days after knowing, you can already joke with us as if nothing bad had happened", was the answer.

"Laa... " I said, "You don't have to say it exactly like that. The doctor must think I'm nuts or something"

"Better than him who is so insensitive to his patient's conditon. Like just now when he said you have a mass there in the pelvis. Why didn't he sent you for ultra sound or suggest a CT scan or anything like that to confirm it? He did nothing right?", E-Ya argued.

"Let's just wait what the onco doctors will do then" I said ending our conversation on the subject as we headed back home.

So people, that was why I felt like punching the doctor in the face. Don't get me wrong. I am not seeking VIP treatment everytime I come for treatment. I don't expect them to perform miracles on me. But don't tell me things I already know. Be more attentive and respond intelligently to my questions. Show at least some care towards your patients' condition. Don't repeatedly remind me that I am terminal. No hope. To me it's the same as if you are telling me to just go back home and recite the surah "Yaseen". At the same time I am not in denial. I know my condition, options and chances... and last but not least - Don't give me the "LOOK". I could see that right through that doctor's face. Dhushh!

P/s :
1. It seem that it's the season to be sick. I'm down with flu, have been for a week now. The body aches all over. But otherwise I'm OK.

2. I got news that one of my colleague in school had also been detected with cancer. Breast cancer. Will write about this later. Bubye!

Apa dah jadi ???

2009-04-29T16:14:00.004+08:00

Inilah entry yg aku maksudkan yg telah disabotaj oleh E-Ya haritu. Hanya a few paragraphs atas je yg original, yg lain semua kena taip balik. Tapi pokoknya keseluruhan contentnya lebih kurang macam yg asal. Inipun jenuh jugak membuatnya ni. Here goes...

*****************************************************************************************************************************************

Emmmmm ...... chak!

It's been a while ya? Firstly, I've been busy receiving guests to my house. Not for any particular event, just relatives paying visit. My sister, my brother, my cousins and my aunt. Secondly, I have not been feeling well. Nothing serious though, but sometimes I have aches and pain that are truly unbearable.

I don't know how and why my situation is as such. I completed my second round of radiotherapy to the aortic lymph nodes and neck in mid February. Back then the only side effect I endured was the sore in my throat and because of that I had trouble swallowing food and water. Tapi nak survive punya pasal, terjegil-jegil biji matapun tak kisah. Telan je semua. Syukur that ordeal lasted for only about 3 weeks. Other than that nothing. I was not nauseous nor was I fatigue. Other supposedly known side effects I read from the internetpun I tak kena. Alhamdullilah for that.

I even had time to go holidaying with my nieces to Penang and Langkawi, remember? In Langkawi, I even went Island hopping, naik cable car and what not. This was just 2 weeks after my radiotherapy ni. Betul-betul tak ingat dunialah time tu. For island hopping we hired a boat to go to Tasik Dayang Bunting and two other islands. The journey was not tiring but the boat ride was sure bumpy. The boat rocked up and down against the waves and masya Allah masa tu rasa macam my uterus pun turut bounced, atas bawah tunggang terbalik je dalam perut. Nasib baik tak jd apa-apa. OK je. After that, life was pretty normal. My health was good and I enjoyed doing all the normal things I do.

But of late, three weeks back to be exact, I have been having this muscle twitch. Some call it twitch, some call it cramp while others call it spasms. Whatever the term is, it sure is driving me crazy. The muscle that is giving me problem is the muscle around my abdomen, just below the rib cage. It's the spot where I got my lymph nodes radiated. It's not that painful actually. The feeling is just like you've just had a slight electric shock, or like someone had just given you a sharp poke and you suddenly jolt yourself forward, backward or sideways depending on where the twitch is. Each twitch normally lasts a few seconds and is at an interval of a few minutes between each twitch. Luckily now I know how to control and not jolt so much. If not it can be quite embarassing. Yelah... if it happens in public, those who do not know that I am not well, will think, "Apa kena pompuan ni? Tiba-tiba je terlentik kiri, kanan, depan dan belakang"? Paling tidakpun they'll think I'm doing some kind of dance routine ke hape. Tak ke haruuu ..?

The twitch as described above is not a problem. But the one that really bothers me is when several twitches occurs concurrently along the whole stretch of the abdomen, sometimes spreading to the back. Boy, when that happens ... my body will be in pain and I have difficulty breathing, with the chest feeling tight. My abdomen will be hard as rock, sensitive to touch and I have to take deep breaths to minimise the pain. Most of the time this method works. If not I will lie down sideways with pillows slightly raised, zikr and pray for the pain to subside and my breathing back to normal. Paling tidakpun I'll try to fall asleep with the pain because when I wake up it's usually gone. If this also fails then it's the pain killers for me. What kind of problem is thislah?

Well, I guess I'll only know if it's anything serious when I go see my doctor. I have two appointments in waiting. One's tommorow, the other on 26 May. The former with O&G while the latter with the Onco unit. Only then will I know what's wrong with me. I pray to God that it's nothing.

Another problem that I notice I'm going through is lymphedema (secondary). Lymphedema is the buildup of lymph fluid resulting in swelling, tightness and discomfort to the affected areas. Damage to or blockage of the lymph system is the cause of lymphedema and in cancer patients, this damage is usually due to surgery or radiation therapy. I was radiated at the pelvis, aortic lymph nodes and neck area. The infusion of veins and lymph nodes must have cause some kind of blockage to my lymphatic system in those areas and as a result I have fluid buildup at the lower pelvic area. Not painful though. Thank God the alMighty for that.

If the conditon is not serious such as in my case (I think), lymphedema can be managed through exercise (see the link here) and wearing of tight garment to the affected area. Wearing of tight garment to the affected area??? Ahaaa...

Now let's see... I am affected at the pelvis, meaning the suitable garment there would be pants. Tak kira lerr yg luar ke atau yg dalam. Hemm... imagine .... me wearing tight leathery pants like the one worn by CATWOMAN or maybe me with seluar kecik like WONDERWOMAN doing my morning walk. Huu huuu... wouldn't that be marvellous, eh? Err... bertebiat apa aku??? Ada yang bakal lari lintang pukang nanti... Hihihi...

Lately I have also noticed that I am becoming quite forgetful sometimes. I will forget where I put my purse, my car keys, my watch. my spectacles. I will also sometimes forget whether I have done the things that I need to be done. Maybe E-Ya's theory that some of my "wires" dah putus might be true after all. I also tend to say something else when in actual I mean another thing. Tongue slip ups, so's to speak. This slip ups can sometimes be quite hilarious and sometimes embarassing . Here are some examples:

Scene 1 : E-Ya and me at a food stall. Behind the food stall is a mini market.

E-Ya : "Acik, nak beli lauk apa ni?"

Me : "Belilah apa pun. Tapi 3 lauk, sayur jgn lupa". With that I handed her RM 12. Then I continued, "Lepas beli

tu tunggu Acik kat sini. Acik nak masuk mini market tu beli BMW".

Punyalah tak sedar what I've just said.

E-Ya : "Apa? BMW? Acik nak beli BMW dalam mini market tu? Sure?"

Ding Donggg...! Man... what was I thinking? Manalah aku ada duit ratus ribu ribu ribu nak beli BMW. Mati, hidup, mati lepas itu hidup balikpun takkan merasa pakai BMW punyalah. And even if I have the cash, takkanlah BMW ada jual kat dalam mini market, ye tak? Sungguh tak logik. We then laughed our heads off depan adik jual lauk yang terpinga-pinga melihat kami time tu.

Scene 2 : E-Ya and me at home. E-Ya was getting ready to go out for her tutoring job.

Me : " Hari ni tuition balik lambat kan? Acik ingat Acik nak keluar pegi Carrefour beli baranglah"

E-Ya : "Tak payahlah. Tunggu aje bila Ya free. Kita pergi beli sama-sama. Lagipun nanti bila dah beli barang, Acik tak larat nak bawak, berat".

Me : "Alah... macam tak biasa. Kan trailer ada".

E-Ya : "Berapa lori barang yang Acik nak beli sampai kena guna trailer ni?"

Oppss... I did it again. The word trolley boleh tukar jadi trailer. Again we laughed at my mistake.

Scene 3 : E-Ya and me at home watching TV. The show was showing the singer Camelia wearing a dress designed by Tom Abang Saufi. E-Ya kind of liked the dress and asked me if I know the fashion.

E-Ya : "Cantikan baju dia Acik? Kalau Ya pakaipun mesti cantik jugak" (PRASAN...)

Me : "Alah bajutu simple je lah. Two piece tu. Inner dia t'shirt putih biasa je. Yang kat luar tu dia guna batik,macam baju Jepun komino tu, cuma pendik dengan tali di depan. Tak susahlah"

E-Ya : "Apa? Komino? Putus wire ek? Kimonolah ... apa daa Acik ni..."

Me : "Acik sebut komino ke? Eleh... ta kisahlah. Itu nasib baik lagi tu Acik sebut komino. Kalau Acik sebut KOMODO, amacam"?

Scene 4 : My sister, E-Ya and me in the living room. My sister was packing her bags to go back to Kelantan.

Me : "E-Ya pergi ambik coklat utk Along bawak balik. Ada dalam almari tu. Nanti lupa".

E-Ya : "Okay"

Diapun berjalanlah ke dapur ambik coklat DAIM yang banyak org suka kirim kalau sapa-sapa pergi Langkawi. Dengar khabar coklat tu kat KL ni harganya 2x ganda mahal dari Langkawi. Ntah apa sedapnya pun I don't know.

Me : "Kak, tu je ada ole-ole dari Langkawi. Dulu ada gak satu lagi coklat laintu. Dalam dia ada kelapa, luar nya salut coklat. Sedap jugak. Namanya coklat BON BON. Tapi dah habislah pulak"

Masatu terdengar E-Ya tergelak besar terbahak-bahak dari dapur. Aku jadi pelik. Apa kes budak ni, tiba-tiba gelak mcm tu. Meroyan apa?

E-Ya : "Apa Acik? BON BON? Hahahaha ... BON BONlah sangat. Coklat tu namanyer BOUNTY lahh... Hahahaha. Coklat BON BON tu coklat Acik agaknya... Hahaha... Nasib baik tak sebut BONTON !"

"Tak klakarpun", kata hati aku. But nevertheless, masa tu teruk jugaklah aku kena ketawa semata-mata disebabkan dek perkataan BON BON tu.

Those are just 4 examples of slip ups that I've committed and luckily it's just between me and family. There are others, but I can't remember. But there's this one incident that I cannot forget and I called it the "mother of all scenes". It happened last week. It's like this:

E-Ya and me were on our way back from our morning exercise. She was driving and we're heading to this mamak restaurant to buy breakfast. It was decided we'll have roti canai that morning. Normally we'll buy 2 roti telur and 2 plain ones. But today we wanted to add our order to 3 roti telur and 4 plain ones.

Once arrived, E-Ya parked the car and I got out. I have been to this restuarant before and the mamak has already recognised me. From far I could see him nodding his head acknowledging me. As usual, I will normally go straight to him to place my order. I will stand in front him, say my order and wait while watching him as he "tebar" his roti. OKlah tu...

However that day something else happened. I started off by putting up three fingers, opened my mouth to say out my order, but the words that came out were only these - "Telur... telur ... err ... telur...." slowly pulak tu...

The mamak was puzzled, raised one of his eye brow, "Huh?" he said.

I patted my head several times with one hand while the other hand is still showing the three fingers to the mamak and said, "Alah hai .... apa yerr...?" I was totally blank. Serious, I did not remember anything else except the word "TELUR".

"Kakak mau apa?", the mamak asked already impatient, I guess. Before I answered him I took one deep breadth, rolled up my eyes trying hard to think, waited several seconds and quickly blurted "Bagi saya 3 roti telur, 4 roti biasa...!". Fuhhh! Finally got that right!

"Ohhh, itu ka?" the mamak said, smilling. "OK" moving his head the way Indian folks do.

When I entered the car I related the incident to E-Ya. She laughed and laughed and laughed until I had to asked her to stop. Then she said, "Acik, ntah apalah mamak tu ingat... "

Oh well. Let's just hope the mamak doesn't think I'm some kind of lady pervert sudah... Let's see if he gives me the "LOOK" next time I go buy roti canai from him. If he does, I think I'll have to find another place to buy roti canai then. Malu seh...

So that's what is happening to me right now. I am not worried about this forgetfulness or slip ups as long as it does not affect my illness much. Come to think of it, sometimes it's things like these that brighten up my day. It makes my family and me happy. Happy means more endorphins produced. More endorphins mean my cancer cells are in danger and when they are in danger I'll on the other hand, be out of danger. What better way to combat cancer, eh?

Dhush! AlKaput ...

2009-04-27T18:59:00.003+08:00

Argghhhhhhhhh!!!

Benganglah ni.... aku baru je habis type entry aku petang tadi. Punyalah happy hati penuh gumbira dapat meng-update blog. Pasal lama tak update blog ni pun satu hal. Pertama sebab kesihatan kurang mengizinkan jadi tak de mood memanjang. Kedua pulak sebab modem wireless kat rumah buat perangai. So terpaksa selongkar cari balik modem lama yg tak wireless, sambung pakai cablelah jawabnya. Tapi sebelum tu kena pergi kedai pulak beli ethernet cable satu lagi untuk laptop sebab malas nak cabut-cabut cable desktop kat tingkat atas kalau nak pakai laptop kat bawah. Port ethernet kat modem tu pulak ada satu saja. Jadi kalau pakai internet kat desktop maknanya laptop tak boleh dan kalau pakai internet kat laptop, desktop pulak tak boleh. Leceh lagi melecehkan. Nak beli wireless modem baru, budget tak cukup. Lagipun keperluan tak mendesak. Internet masih boleh guna walaupun bukan wireless dan asyik cabut-pasang cable.

So petang ni nampak gaya feng shui memblog semua baik, jadi akupun duduklah dalam bilik aku mengadap desktop. Aku start menaip pukul 3 petang, masatu aku dengar E-Ya start kereta. keluar dan tutup gate utk pergi keluar mengajar student dia di Wangsa Maju. Tapi aku tak keluarpun tengok dia sebab tengah bersemangat menaip blog. 1 jam lebih aku duduk tup tap, tup tap depan PCtu menaip. Azan Asar berkumandang, aku stop kejap utk solat. Time tu jugak aku dengar E-Ya sampai depan rumah bukak gate utk masuk parking. Diapun tak masuk bilik tengok aku tengah buat apa. Aku punya khusyuk pulak tak sedar dia pun tengah buat apa. Tapi legaaaa kata hati sebab kalau tidak, dia mesti mengacau aku punyalah. Lepas tu sambung balik memblog, sampailah memanjat ke pukul 6 petang lebih. Panjang nak citernya kau ....

Dah puas hati dah dengan apa yg ditulis, akupun tekan button "publish". Tiba-tiba aku dapat message "page cannot be displayed". Laa ... apa ke hea nyer pulok ni, kata hati aku. Lagi teruk sepanjang aku menaip entry, aku tak pulak sedar yg tulisan aku itu tak di auto-savekan...

Tiba-tiba mata aku terprasan yg icon kecik gambar dua bijik computer bermaksud "Local area connection" kat sebelah kanan bawah PC tu ada tanda X - menandakan yang connectionnya dah terputus. Akupun heran. Hujan tak da, ribut tak da, tak kan cable boleh tercabut. Akupun turun bawahlah nak tengok apa masalahnya.

Bengang aku bila dapat tahu apa, or to be precise siapa puncanya... E-YA !!! Arghhhhhhh! Ghhrrrr!!! Rupa-rupanya dia dah lama cabut cable ethernet PC aku dan dipasangnya cable laptop dia. Padanlah bila aku cuba publish aku dapat message "page cannot be displayed" dan bila tekan button "back" aku dapati lebih 75% entry aku alkaput. Hilang ....... semuanya.

Aku jerit kat dia, "Wei ... sapa suruh kau cabut cable Acik hah???? Habis entry Acik hilang yang tinggal ciput aje....penat memikir dan menaip, weiiii!"

Dia yang tengah lepak baring-baring depan TV, ready nak tengok cerita MATAHARI pusing kat aku and cakap, "Eh, ye ke? Jangan marah hahhhh .... Ya ingat Acik tidur dalam bilik, so Ya pun pasanglah internet. Dah lama dah Ya pasang. Heh..." dengan senyum kemewe nye.

Aku dah siap dengan jelingan maut aku dah tapi nampaknya tak berkesan sebab dia boleh cakap lagi macam ni, "Alah nanti bukan tak boleh tulis balik. Dahlah tu berhenti menaip, tutup PC. Mari kita tengok TV sambil makan ayam Kenny Rogers, lagi best". Kebetulan ayam Kenny Rogers yang dibeli tengahari td memang masih ada lagi satu set tak bermakan...

Time tu aku rasa macam nak terkam aje kat budak tu, wrestling dia sampai lembik. Nak bagi dia Dhusshh! Sebiji kat pipi kiri. Dhusshh! Sebiji kat pipi kanan. Biar berterabur gigi dia dari gusi. Sabor je la...

Jadi atas sebab itu, aku tak jadi nak letak entry baru aku di sini. Lain kali lah update balik nampaknya. Tak ingatpun dah kebanyakannya apa yg aku tulis tadi. Kenapa jadi begini? Bacalah sebabnya di entry akan datang. Wa blah lah dulu... tak de mood. Nak pegi makan ayam. Ye... ingat kulit nya mesti dibuang... Ciao ...

Earth Hour

2009-03-30T11:23:00.014+08:00

Actually wanted to blog about this yesterday, tapi datang Cik E-ya mengacau suruh temankan dia makanlah, tengok tvlah, itu la, ini la ... sampaikan terpaksa ditunda. Tak kisahlah kan janji dapat juga disiapkan hari ni. Here goes...

******************************************************************************************

Kecoh satu Malaya hari Sabtu lepas pasal 60 Earth Hour. Di tv, for the past week hari-hari ada kempen suruh tutup semua lampu, kipas dan sebagainya selama 1 jam (jerr...) dari pukul 8.30 pm sampailah ke pukul 9.30 pm. Sampaikan budak-budak kecikpun excited tak sabar nak menunggu detik Earth Hour ni. Kita rakyat Malaysia sama-sama diseru untuk menyelamatkan bumi selama satu jam dalam satu hari dari 365 hari atau 8,760 jam yang kita ada dalam setahun. Err... boleh selamatke bumi dengan cara ini? Hemmm ....

So di hari dan waktu yang ditetapkan akupun dah ready-readylah... Bukan ready nak tutup lampu, tapi ready nak skodeng rumah neighbour-neighbour aku samada mereka sama-sama berjuang atau tidak untuk menyelamatkan bumi kita yg katanya dah agak kronik dek perbuatan manusia, termasuk aku. Eii ... malu nyerrr...

Jam menunjukkan pukul 8.40 pm. Akupun mulakan operasi aku. Mula-mula aku buka tv dulu... yelah dah hari hari org tv suruh org lain tutup lampu jd aku nak tengok jugak samaada org-org tv ni jenis orng pandai cakap je atau jenis "walk the talk" kata org. What did I found out? Well, di TV8 aku dapat mesej ni...

Wah kata hatiku, "Bagus bagus bagus ... menyahut seruan betul ni..." Tapi kemudian terfikir pulak. Walaupun tiada siaran tp tak bermakna dia orng kat stesyen tv nun di sana tu tutup semua suis dia orngkan? Yelah kalau tutup semua, mesti mesej mcm di atas tu tak boleh kuar punya... So kesimpulannya - WHAT EARTH HOUR ???

Pencarian aku diteruskan ke saluran tv-tv lain. Yang menjadi target aku kumpulan Media Prima le.. dah dia orng yg bebenor beriya-iya sangat dalam kempen ni. Aku nak tau jugak. So aku pun tekan TV 3, dapat yg ini ...

Tengah buletin utama beb... tengah buat laporan sukan ttng kejayaan si Rizal ni dalam lumba basikal dunia - What Earth Hour???

Lepas tu aku pergi pulak ke saluran TV9, muncul pulak rancangan si Nabil Raja Lawak kat situ ....

Earth Hour?? Lu pikirlah sendiri !

Beralih ke NTV7 , aku dikejutkan pulak dengan muka mamat di bawah ni... Kus semangat... nasib baik tak heart failure...

Betul bang ooi..., Ia amat mengagumkan - Terima kasih

Lepas tu aku boring, dalam hati, "Alah Media Prima ni cakap aje pandai, dia suruh orng bergelap selama 1 jam tp dia sendiri cakap tak serupa bikin. Siap si Dato' Farid Ridhuan tu keluar muka kat TV lg bagi kempen. Ciss Dato' ! You should be ashamed ..." So tak salahlah kalau aku tak ikut kempen Earth Hour nikan? (err...sebenornya nak cari alasan je tu ... hehehe...)

Lepas tu aku buka Channel Hallmark, tengok Oprah lagi baik... Citer pasal orng yg nak kuruskan badan... Macam-macam dibuatnya. Ada yg buat gastric bypass lah, ada yg berdietlah, ada yg ikat saluran perutlah dan ada yg berexercise saja. Walaupun tak kena mengena dgn aku yg dah sedia slim ni, tp aku suka tgok jugk sbb infonya bermanafaat.

Tengok muka orng kaya kat atas tu lagi best dr duduk bergelap ... tp kalau aku amalkan bergelap 1 jam tiap-tiap hari agaknya aku boleh kaya macam Oprah tak?

Sedang duduk best-best tengok TV, tiba tiba ..."Ting ting... ting ting......" Bunyi telefon. Hishhh kacau aje. Sapa pulak mesej ni?? Rupanya dari adik aku. Dalam hati, siap le mesti tak cukup satu SMS dia ni ...

SMS adik : Earth Hour. Dah tutup lampu ke? (Dlm hati aku, "dah mula dah... tazkirah free")

Aku balas : Banyakla.. Kau nak mak ngan abah menjerit? Lagipun kat sini tak de sapapun tutup lampu, tvpun on je. Malaysia boleh huhu. (Orng tua-tua mana di tahunya bende bende mcm gini... Gate umah terbuka sekejap pun dia orng boleh kecoh, ni kan pulak aku tiba-tiba nak padam lampu satu rumah...Nahaiiii!)

SMS Adik : Kami duduk dalam gelap. Pasang lilin je. (tak boleh ku bayangkan mcm mana anak-anak dia yg 4 orng tu duduk dlm gelap. Duduk dlm terangpun ganas.. hihihi)

Aku balas : Eleh.. kena hurung nyamuklah korang huhu.. Eh bukan asap lilinpun boleh sbbkan global warming ke? Haa kena padam gak tu, hihi (ayat provoke gilerrr)

SMS Adik : Asap lilin sikit je. Pasang 1 je. (ayat ngelat, m'cover gilerrr)

Aku balas : 1ke 2ke 3ke contribute gak. Aku asalnya nak drive keluar pusing-pusing KL nak tngk ramai ke take part padam lampu ni tp tringat nanti asap keta aku akan mybbkan global warming so cancel la jwbnya huhu (betul ... tak tipu, tp dah kena warning tak boleh keluar - dr Cik E-Ya)

SMS Adik : Sini ramai tutup lampu (nak menunjukkan org perumahan dia well educated la konon... Chettt!)

Aku balas : Yo la orng Somonyih hebatla (Dia satu famili la tu). Orng Gombak mmg pengganas tak makan saman. (Siapa lg, kalau bukan aku). Dah gi duk diam-diam dlm gelap tu jgn pagi besok korang nyer serombong kapal hitam sudah la hahahaha (Bg yg tak tau, serombong kapal tu maksudnya lobang idung ...)

SMS Adik : Dia TAK JAWAB daaa ...

Untuk membuktikan kepada adik aku yg sememangnya orng-orng di kejiranan aku tak ikutpun Earth Hour akupun mulakan operasi kedua aku "menskodeng" rumah neighbour. Nanti dia dtng umah nak ku tunjukkan kpdnya.

Aku capai kamera ku yg dah siap siaga dr awal td lalu akupun pusing kiri, dapatlah suasana ini:

Lampu di taman permainan sebelah umahpun terang benderang. Nun di hujung sana pulak rumah orng, terang benderang jugak.

Lepastu aku pusing kanan pulak. Snap pulak gambar kat bawah ni.

Kat condo tupun banyak lg yg lampunya terpasang. Macam tak Earth Hour jerr ..

Depan rumah pulak inilah snapshot yg aku dapat ...

Ish ish ish, earth hour apa gaya gini? Dari banyak yg aku tengok, ada la satu yg menyertai kempen. Lampu jalanpun terpasang?

Haaaa ini apa pulak ni kat bawah ni? Tu la... korang mesti dari tadi dok mengutuk aku tak sokong kempen Earth hour kan? Eee ... tak baik tau ... Sapa cakap aku tak sokong? Aku sokong..., sedikit sedikittt...

Ini adalah gambar dalam bilik aku. See.. .. .semua gelap gulita kan? Ada nampak muka aku tak? Aku ber "Earth Hour" kat dalam bilik aku tau. Semua suis lampu, TV, kipas, komputer, printer, scanner, sterika, even plug charger hand phone pun aku offkan tau... tak caya gi tanya cicak yg selalu ada dalam bilik aku tu ...

Playing with numb3rs

2009-03-24T22:16:00.007+08:00

Today I read an article about this lady Jane Goody, whose detailed story I got from reading a link posted by one of the cancer survivor's blog that I frequent. She was a British reality TV star and was dubbed one of it's most hated celebrities after she made derogatory remarks towards the Bollywood star, Shilpa Shetty. You see, ada ke patut this Jane Goody called si Shilpa Shetty tu a “dog,” plus various other racial slurs? Ish, ish, ish.... But I'm not into that. What she did was her business. What I am going to write here is on her cancer and her experience in battling the illness. Actually I've read briefly about her story sometime ago but did not take heed back then. But today, I bersemangat utk bercerita ...

Jane Goody had cervical cancer. When she was diagnosed with it, she was only 27. Actually prior to that in the early 2000s she has had several health scares. She had a pap smear done on her which revealed the presence of abnormal cells, the first possible indicator of cancer. But when she was later tested for ovarian cancer in 2004 and bowel cancer in 2006, she was given the all-clear on each occasion by the doctors. So naturally lah kan she must have thought that she was cancer free.

However after collapsing four times, in early August 2008 she again went in for tests. Then on 19th August 2008 she was finally confirmed that she had cervical cancer. Initially she was only told that her cancer was still at an early stage but when more tests were done, her cancer was suddenly diagnosed as "advanced and life-threatening". Imagine her devastation. Itu kata org putihlaa, kata org Melayu "terperanjat beruk". Lebih kurang gitu le. Yalah.. to be told you have cancer is already bad enough but to be told that it's terminal, hemm believe me... it's unimaginable. I knowlah because that's what I went through 5 months ago...

Referring to Goody, what went wrong during her earlier tests? Salah doktor ke? Tampered results ke? Your guess is as good as mine. Tp orang kata there are so many mysteries of life. I believe cancer is one of them. That must be it. You see, with cancer you can never tell. It's an unpredictable silent killer. Today you are up and well, tomorrow you're not. Fututre? Only God holds the knowledge.

FIY, cervical cancer has an 83% survival rate, but nevertheless it kills more than 800 women each year and is the second most common form of the disease for women under 35 after breast cancer. For Goody, the doctor gave her the survival rate of as low as 65% if she would have an operation followed by chemotherapy. She obliged, had a radical hysterectomy that went well, and then began a course of chemotherapy and radiotherapy.

However on 4th February 2009, Goody's cancer had spread to her liver, bowel and groin. Therefore, the previous estimate of percentage chance of survival was withdrawn and she underwent palliative treatment to prolong her life. On 7th February, Goody was reported to have had undergone another surgery in London, this time to remove a tumour on her bowel. Later on 14th February doctors at the Royal Marsden Hospital in London where she had her treatment, declared her cancer as critical and said that she could be dead within weeks, at the most was unlikely to survive more than a few more months. Goody eventually died in her sleep in the early hours of 22nd March 2009. Exactly 7 months 2 days from the time she was diagnosed.

What has all the above got to do with me? Well, ada kena-mengena sedikit-sedikit, maybe...

Tene tene tene tene tene teneeeee... alah itu bunyi background music macam intro dalam citer Twillight Zone tu lerr. Tiba-tiba je berbunyi mcm gitu tengah aku nak recap balik dalam kepala aku apa yg dah berlaku pada aku for the past 5 months... Deyyy! Apa daaa...? Kalau E-Ya baca ni, mesti dia kata, "Confirmed Acik aku punya fuse dan wire dlm kepala dah ada yg putus dek kena radiotherapy banyak kali". Hemm ... nasib kau la dapat makcik macam aku... hahaha

OK, serious, serious ...

When I first went for treatment, I was diagnosed as having fibroid problem only by the doctors treating me. Not one, but three doctors. They were - one from the private Gynae clinic near my home, another from HKL and the third from Pusrawi.

However later at Pusrawi under general anaesthasia, I had a cervical biopsy done. The doctor reported I have "moderately differentiated adenocarcinoma of the cervix". Itu cakap long handnya, cakap short handnya - cervical cancer. But alas this diagnose was also later proven wrong.

A few days after the biopsy I was again under general anaesthasia for staging and cycstoscopy. It was then I was finally given the correct diagnose of endometrial cancer by the Gynae & Onco specialist who performed the procedure. Itu pun he thought it was just a stage 3C cancer. During that time I was told the treatment for me would be hysterectomy, followed by chemotherapy and radiotherapy. Just as what the doctor prescribed in Goody's case.

Right after the biopsy, I had a swell on my neck. It did not take long to develope. Just overnight, I think. It became very noticeable during my staging and when I was transferred to HUKM, I did FNAC onto it. The swell was also later tested positive for cancer, and thus my stage had suddenly jumped from 3C to 4B. That's when everything was changed.

The first few days in HUKM, in the O & G ward the doctors did nothing. I was left to just rest and be visited by doctors on duty, took a few blood samples, asked the usual daily basic questions of "Macam mana rasa badan, buang air kecil dan besau elok tak and loads of other bla bla bla..." As my stage was a 4B, the doctors scraped hysterectomy for the time being and decided to proceed with chemo instead. Their rationale for doing so was to shrink the tumor first, so that surgery would be a breeze. As for the chemo, well we know what happened to that don't we? Only much later was I told by the doctor that there is actually no effective chemo drug for endometrial cancer. Everything is sort of like trial and error depending on your body tolerance. If the drug works for you, marvellous. If not you may be given other drugs to try or no chemo at all.

Thus with the history of a failed chemo, my case was then taken over by the Onco Unit which later decided to radiate me. I had my first session of radiotherapy in December 2008 and the last, just the previous month of February 2009. To date I have been radiated 50 times front and back at three different spots - pelvic, abdomen and neck to tackle the problem in the uterus, para aortic lymph nodes and neck respectively.

I began to have questions in my mind when the two units treating me, O&G and the Onco Units were at loggerheads with one saying I am operable and the other saying I'm not. Actually there are many questions bugging me. Mingling with other cancer patients during treatment only added up my confusion when almost all of them have had either surgery or chemotherapy prior to radiotherapy. But not me, radiotherapy was my only option. No surgery, no chemotherapy.

I did many read ups on my cancer. I found that endometrial cancer, is not like any other cancer because it occurs within the lining of the uterus, called the endometrium. Even with a pap smear, it does not usually show because cancer of the endometrium begins inside the uterus. As for the risk factors well, normally people who gets endometrial cancer are those who are:

Over 50 years of age (I am not there yet)
Taking hormone replacement therapy (I do not take any hormone)
Obese or having obesity-related conditions, such as diabetes (Hah! Me obese? Kurus keding lagi ada. I'm also not a diabetic person, coz dr dulupun tak suka minum air bergula)
Being Caucasian (Walaupun aku bukan Jawa tp aku tetap Melayu...)
Taking tamoxifen (Nope. I'm not a breast cancer patient prior to this)
Having an inherited form of colorectal cancer (Again, nada ...)
Early menstruation, starting before the age of 12 (Pun tak de kena-mengena coz I was a late bloomer. Masa Form 2 aku masih gila main lastik kelawar lagi ngan geng aku)
Late menopause, after 52 (sblm sakit manalah aku tahu bila aku nak menopause? Tandapun tak de. Tp sekarang lepas radiotherapy, rasanya dah terpaksa dimenopausekan)
Endometrial hyperplasia - increase in the number of cells in the uterine lining; usually not cancerous, but they can develop into cancer over time. (BINGO! This must be the cause. Alas it's my theory only. Doktor tak pernah mentionpun if I contracted cancer because of this. Furthermore the percentage of this happening is very minimal)
Never having given birth or a history of infertility (Another BINGO! Again my theory only. Aku tak pernah kahwin mcm mana nak beranak, ye tak? Anak tekak dan anak mata tu aku ada lerr. Infertile? Dulu sebelum sakit? Tak mungkin kot. Tp sekarang sah-sahlah sudah, sbb dah kena radiotherapy...)

But then, there are numerous cases whereby patients don't even fall into any of the risk factors group above but they still get cancer, true or not? Thus, all these risk factors thing is debatable. Not only for endometrial but for other cancers as well.

How does endometrial cancer spreads? If left untreated, the cancer that arises in the lining of the uterus, will eventually invade the wall of the uterus and may involve the cervix. With time, it can grow through the wall of the uterus into the surrounding tissues (the parametrium), the bladder and the rectum.

It can also spread by the lymphatic system to the vagina, fallopian tubes, ovaries, the pelvic and aortic lymph nodes and to the lymph nodes in the groin and above the collarbone. Endometrial cancer can also spread throughout the abdominal cavity and occasionally through the bloodstream to the lung, liver and brain. How rapid it spreads depends on the aggressiveness of the cancer.

My case is a bit unusual. I really and truly thank God the AlMighty for that. True my cancer is aggressive and it did spread through the aortic lymph nodes but it did not affect any other parts or organs near the uterus, except shoots itself straight up to the collarbone. What causes it to spread? UNKNOWN. No wonder the doctors treating me pening ...

As for survival rate, the earlier the stage the greater your chances are of being cured. But again this statistics are also very subjective as I found them to vary from site to site. However on the average, the 5 year survival rates for endometrial cancer by stage are as follows: 75% to 95% for stage 1, 60% - 70% for stage 2, 40% - 60% for stage 3 and less than 5% - 10% for stage 4.

Which category do I fall into? What are my chances for a 5 year survival rate? Well, on my last visit to the O & G, I was told by the doctor that my 5 year survival rate was less than 20%. In other words, my chance to live another five years from the day I was diagnose is pretty slim. I still remember the doctor mentioning it and he even asked me if I understood what that means twice, as I was a bit aloof at the time. I never mentioned this fact before in my previous entries because being a Muslim I believe ajal maut is in God's hands and I have faith in HIM. 5%, 10%, 20% or even 90% are just numb3rs to me. Nothing more. Take a look at Jane Goody's case. She was given a 65% chance of being alive and yet after 7 months she was gone. Was it because of the statistics? No, it was all God's work.

Then there was this one endometrial cancer survivor story that I recently read about. She was given less than 30% of survival rate by the doctor in 2000 when she was first diagnosed. But to date; in 2009 after 9 years, she is still alive and kicking. Again was it because of statistics? No. It is all God's work.

Thus, 20% ke, 5% - 10% ke I don't care. I will try my best to battle this cancer. What will be, well... let it be.

Friday the 13th ....

2009-03-14T15:15:00.012+08:00

Walaupun hari ni dah hari Sabtu Friday the 14th, tapi aku nak tulis pasal Friday the 13th... Aku ni bukanlah jenis orang yg percayapun pasal benda-benda mengarut macam Friday the 13th ni. You know... org kata it's bad luck day and all, tapi ntah lah apa yang berlaku kat aku hari Jumaat tu betul betul telah membengangkan aku. Mungkin lebih kepada coincidence je kot dan tak de kena mengenapun dengan Friday the 13th ni.

Begini. The day before iaitu Khamis, aku berhasrat nak withdraw sikit duit dari akaun ASB aku. So aku pun drivelah ke Pejabat Pos Gombak dekat rumah aku tu. Masuk je dalam aku lihat begitu ramai punya orang and since I have another appoinment to fulfill, takut lambat punya pasal, akupun keluar dan made up my mind utk ke *** bank Gombak je.

Sampai di *** bank akupun ambillah borang withdrawal utk di isi. Lepas tu ke kaunter utk ambil nombor giliran. Tiba-tiba datang budak pompuan yang jaga kaunter tu cakap, "Kak, urusan ASB dah tutup". Aku pelik juga. Awalnya tutup. Aku tengok jam baru pukul 3.45 ptg. Akupun cakaplah kat dia, "Belum pukul 4 dah tutup ke?" Budak tu jawab, "Tulah akak lambat sikit aje. Baruuu keejaaap aje tadi tutup... Duit dah habis" What? Aku dengar betul ke ni? Duit dalam bankpun boleh habis ke? Tapi memandangkan malas dah nak bertanya, akupun ucap terima kasih dan keluar bank, lagipun aku ada appoinment lain.

Esoknya Friday 13th. Memandangkan semalamnya tak dapat keluar sbb duit dah habis, hari ni akupun sajalah keluar lebih awal sikit, pukul 11 pg ke bank yang sama utk urusan ASB aku. Kali ni E-Ya ikut sekali dgn aku. Nasib baik, hari ini dapat nombor dan giliran aku 0039. Aku tengok kaunter bank ada lebih 10, tapi hanya 3 saja yg berfungsi. Dua utk urusan biasa bank , satu utk urusan ASB. Yang lain kenapa ditutup, Tuhan aje yg tahu.

Setengah jam aku tunggu utk nombor capai 0038, by logic lepas tu nombor akulah 0039. Tp dah dekat sejam aku tunggu tak dipanggilnya. Aku dah gelisah, merungut dgn E-Ya, "Kenapa tak pangil panggil ni?" E-Ya cakap, "alamat lambat lg lah tu... tak pe kita bagi lagi 10 minit. Kalau tak panggil jg kita balik je lah" Aku bantah sbb aku semalam dah dtg, pun tak dpt, takkan hari ni nak balik pulak. Esoknya dah Sabtu. Lagipun aku malas nak keluar dua tiga kali ni... Nak ke bank lain jauhlah pulak.

Sebelah akupun ada sorang kakak menunggu utk urusan ASB juga dan aku tanya nombor dia, di jawabnya, "0040". Aku cuba-cubalah perhatikan kaunter yg deal dgn ASB tu, dan aku nampak budak pompuan teller tu asyik ke hulu ke hilir je kerjanya. Lepas tu kalau ada org datang kat kaunter dia, dia akan entertain org tu. Aku dah naik gelisah. Jam sekarang dah nak menuju 12.30 tgh hari, aku nak kena beli lauk utk parents aku lagi tp nombor aku tak jugak dipanggil-panggil.

Aku start naik hangin bila aku tengok budak tu dahlah tak panggil nombor aku, tp dia pergi pulak ambil beberapa borang "remittances" depan dia dan kemudian dipanggilnya pulak pelanggan yang dah isi borang tu utk dientertain. Org-org tu masuk lg lambat dr aku pulak tu. Aku pandang kakak sebelah dan cakap, "Teller tu dah lupa ke kewujudan kita?". Kakak tu jawab, "Tu lah, cubalah pergi tanya dia kenapa tak panggil-panggil kita ni."

Akupun bangunlah dr kerusi dan berjalan-jalan depan kaunter budak teller ASB tu. Masa tu dia ada sorang customer. Agaknya dia prasan aku berlegar-legar memegang buku ASB aku depan kaunter dia maka dia pun cakap, "Urusan ASB kita dah tutup ye ..." dgn selambanya. #@@&*! Apaaa....? Semalam aku dtg pukul 3 lebih korang kata dah tutup and fine lah aku tak diberi nombor giliran lagi, tapi hari ni aku masuk dari pukul 11 lagi dan sekarang baru je pukul 12.30 kau org kata dah tutup jugak?! Tapi aku tak menjerit kat situ, walaupun aku rasa macam nak aje...

Aku cuma cakap, "Kalau awak dah tutup, kenapa tak cakap? Saya dah tunggu sejam lebih dah ni ..." Ooi, baik punya budak, bukannya dia nak apologise, malah boleh cakap lagi, "Saya dah tutup kaunter ASB dah untuk hari ni. Akak tak payah tunggu". Ewah-ewah... salahkan aku lah pulak sebab menunggu? Aku pun cakap lagi, "Saya bukan saja-saja tunggu. Saya ada nombor". Akupun tunjukklah nombor giliran aku. Sementara tu kakak sebelah aku pun dah ada sama di sebelah aku tunjuk nombor dia jugak. Masa tulah budak teller tu buat muka merungut, "Ini lah jadinya kalau org kat sana tu tak reti buat kerja" Dia nak salahkan budak yang jaga kaunter nombor pulak. Diapun terjerit panggil budak tu cakap, "Jangan bg lagi nombor ASB, kaunter sini dah tutup".

Agaknya dia bising buat kecoh ada officer dia perasan, officer tu panggil dia ke tepi dan cakap sesuatu. Lepas beb. minit, teller tu balik semula ke kaunter dia dan still with no apologies what so ever, muka kelat cakap kat aku , "Kalau akak nak juga buat urusan ASB akak kena tunggu. Tapi saya tak janji cepatlah sbb sistem kita lembab". Dalam hati aku berkata, "Sistem lembab ke atau kau yg lembab". Tu diaa... aku dah tak boleh tahan marah dah time tu... Dah dia yg tak reti liaise dgn bdak kaunter jaga nombor tu dia nak merungut pulak sbb mcm terpaksa nak layan aku?

Aku pandang muka dia dan cakap,"Tak palah" dan aku campak nombor giliran aku dlm tong sampah. Ntah masuk ntah tidak aku tak tahu sbb aku dah pusing jalan. Ghrrr!!!Gerammm!!! Aku tambah-tambah geram sbb dia buat macam aku pulak yg seolah-olah bersalah. Sbb aku tambah beban dia kena kerja lebih sikit utk entertain urusan aku. Heee... tak pernah aku segeram ini... Dalam kereta banyak-banyak aku beristigafar.

Lepas zohor pulak aku bercadang nak cuba balik ke Pejabat Pos utk buat urusan ASB aku. Aku sampai sana, akupun ambil giliran. Kali ni nombor aku 1479. Aku tengok kat mesin nombor di atas nombornya 1374. Mak datuk... tak kan aku nak tunggu sampai 100 lebih utk giliran aku? Mulanya tunggulah juga dalam 30 minit tp lepas tu tengok nomborpun macam tak bergerak semacam, masih pada 1378 akupun keluar. Kali ni nak cuba pulak pegi MAYBANK Wangsa Maju, sebelah Carrefour.

Aku tak pernah masuk lagi bank ni. Ni first time aku ke situ. Cari kaunter macam tak ada. Kat groundfloor tu cuma ada ATM dan Cash deposit machines aje. Mana kaunter dia ni, kata hati aku. Rupa-rupanya kat first floor. Tapi sebelum sempat aku nak naik aku nampak kat tangga tu tertulis, "Sorry, computer off line" Hemm... sah-sahlah tak boleh buat urusan jugak. So akupun keluar. Pikir mana lagi nak pergi ni...

Tiba-tiba teringat kat dalam Carrefour ada sebuah pejabat pos. Akupun ambil kereta dan buat U turn utk ke Carrefour. Cepat-cepat aku parking sebab waktu dah dekat pukul 3.30 ptg. Sampai je dekat tempat pejabat pos aku nampak ramai orng berkumpul. Ingatkan ramai orng singgah tengok barang-barang yang dijual dekat kedai depan pejabat pos tu, tp rupa-rupanya ramai org tunggu utk urusan dgn pejabat pos... Jawabnya ... yaa ... you guessed it right. Balik rumah je...

Sampai rumah, lepas Asar cadang nak berbloglah pasal appointment aku di HUKM, tuliskan apa yang berlaku pada hari sebelumnya, iatu Khamis. So akupun taiplah berjela-jela, alah ... mcm tak biasa, ngeh he he he.... Lepas tu macam tak de idea nak susun ayat, aku pun stop tapi ntah tersilap ke atau sbb Friday the 13th ke, aku agaknya tertekan button "publish post" instead of "save now". So rasanya posting aku yang bertajuk "Life's not fair?" telah terpublish sekejap without me realizing it. Pagi ni baru aku tersedar. Entry tu kalau sesiapa dah terbaca mesti tergantung punya kan? Sorry le. Ini hari ni aku dah completekan, dan kalau sudi bacalah balik kat bawah tu...

Hemm... apalah malangnya nasib aku hari tu, semua serba tak kena. Friday the 13th or what?

Life's not fair?

2009-03-13T09:06:00.016+08:00

Yesterday I went to the O & G clinic for consultation. I was attended by Prof. Hatta. I knew that this was not an ordinary consultation like I used to have before. You see, altho' Prof Hatta was actually supposed to be the doctor attending and treating me, but because of his busy schedule being a lecturer at HUKM as well, he thus referred me to his assistant doctors such as Dr. Suguna, who was then later replaced by Dr. Razzi. I have no problem with this, as I know these doctors are constantly in contact with Prof. Hatta when it comes to making decisions. But seeing Prof. Hatta himself was there in the O & G clinic yesterday nevertheless, did set my heart a little bit pounding.

As E-Ya and me entered the doctor's room, Prof. Hatta already had my file in front of him. He smiled at us and said, "Assalamualaikum". We replied the salam and seated ourselves. Suddenly Prof. Hatta put his left hand on his forehead and sighed. Whoaa... what's all this, I said in my heart.

"Kakak ingat hari tu saya kata nak buat operation pada kakak" he started. I nod my head and he continued. "Begini, nampaknya kita ada sedikit perubahan ..." What now, I said. Again in my heart.

"Saya sebenarnya pening ni". Yup, you read it right. That was what he said. He then continued, "Actually if you had the operation or not there's actually no difference". At that moment I was like"Huh? What do you mean by that?". But again I did not say it loud. Only in my heart, but I guess the confusion must have been reflected on my face for the Prof then continued, "Macam ni... normally cancer such as yours surgery is the first treatment given. In the surgery we will remove the uterus and sorrounding affected lymphnodes. But you had that lump on the neck, remember? Now because it's also cancerous, the Onco unit decided to radiate your uterus first to prevent the cancer from spreading to other parts of the body". OK, that part I understood. It was already explained to me earlier by the oncologist, nothing new.

"Actually we doctors pening macam mana nak treat you.." Yup, you read right again. He used the word "pening" twice already. With that I finally opened my mouth and said, "Cancer macam saya punya ni uncommon ke kat Malaysia ni?" (Cewah... terprasanlah pulak...)

"No, not that uncommon. No doubt in Malaysia most cancer cases of the female reproductive system is the cervical cancer, but endometrial is on the rise. In America in fact, endometrial cancer is the no:4 killer there". Oh OK... Actually that part about the America I already knew as I had read about this somewhere on the net before. But what I'm concerned is what's happening here in Malaysia, not elsewhere. Remembering some other info as well I thus said, "Setahu saya mmng di Western country case endomentrial cancer common, tp in Asia it's not that common, betul ke?"

"Macam yang saya cakap tadi. It's on the rise. Cervical cancer dah lama di ketahui up to the level that we now have vaccine to prevent it. But for endometrial, there is still none. So nanti akan tiba satu ketika kita akan lihat cervical cancer cases going down and endometrial cancer pulak will go up" he added.

He continued, "In your case, our concern was that your cancer was one of the most aggressive that we have ever seen. Remember, when you had the DD&C done at Pusrawi and just a few days later when I did your staging we suddenly saw that you developed a cancerous lump on your neck? That shows how aggressive your cancer is" he paused and looked at me. I almost laughed to see his expression at that time. With his hand still on his forehead, sometimes rubbing across it and talking slow, so politely and all . Err.. You all must be thinking that maybe I have a few screws loose up there in my head. You know ... to be able to still laugh upon hearing such info. Its not that I don't care or anything like that, I don't know...but that's just me...

Prof. Hatta continued, "It's so aggressive, hari ni tak de apa-apa, the next day dah timbul kat leher. So in that sense your case is a bit unusual. Tu yang kami berpeluh tu, tak tau nak tackle macam mana". Oh boy, what was I to say then? If the doctors are pening thinking about it, me? I pulak double pening hearing about it...Seriously at that moment I just did not know what to say except smile ... Boleh ke ...

Prof. Hatta did mentioned he was also afraid that since I've already been radiated, the operation that was suppose to be just a minor one for me, could turn major as it could give serious complications to the nearby organs such as bladder, urethra, rectum or even kidneys. Thus, he asked me whether I wanted to risk all that, or just leave it as it is as my other organs are still OK. To make sure, he wanted me to go for another ultra sound at the Gynae clinic downstairs.

In the ultra sound room I was introduced to a Dr. Mashitah. The first comment she made when seeing me was, "Kurusnya badan..." Yeah.. like I've never heard that before. Hahaha... Like always, my infamous reply was "Saya memang macam ni..." Dr. Mashitah then started scanning at the pelvic, after that the abdomen. I managed to turn my head towards the monitor to see how's the inside of my body looks like and trust me, I can't make head or tail what the image represents at all. It was all gray and black to me. But my hats off to these doctors who can really tell the different organs through such images.

As Dr. Mashitah was scanning the right hand side of my abdomen she said, "Awak ni kurus sangat sampaikan kidney awakpun saya boleh nampak jelas kat sini" Hahaha ... I know I'm thin but not THAT thin! I was thankful to God when she again confirmed that my liver and kidneys are in good shape. Only the uterus is slightly swollen and there's fluid in it. Your guess is as good as mine. How in the world did fluid get in there? But alas, I forgot to ask the doctor.

With the ultra sound done I was again called up for further discussion with Prof. Hatta. As what he had said earlier, operation or no operation the outcome is still the same. As for the fluid in the uterus he asked whether the oncologist would consider giving me a brachy - an internal radiation, through you know where... I replied by saying that I've an appoinment with them next week, I guess I'll find out then. Before ending the consultation, Prof. Hatta re-explained the situation about my case. I'll say it straight here although the good Prof. was very cautious with his words when he conveyed it to us.

The conclusion (as of now), is actually this. The Prof. is saying that he and his team has done about everything that they could do for me. My cancer is already stage 4. With or without operaton the situation will not change. So it's more or less up to me to whether go through with operation and risk the other good organs in my body or just leave it be with no guarantee that it won't spread in future. A catch 22 situation. What should I do?

But the Prof. did mentioned that if at any time I feel anything amiss or I suddenly find myself bleeding I must come and seek treatment back from HUKM, pronto. With that, he wrote me my next appointment in two months time from now.

I must really pat E-Ya's and my back during the discussion. E-Ya especially, did not burst into tears like she did the first time I was diagnosed with cancer. Kalau dia nangis hari tu, alamatnya akupun mungkin meraung jugak. Hahaha... Knowing that you're practically doomed is serious matter but we kept our calm. I have always told E-Ya and myself that whatever the outcome just accept it, as God knows better. I always console myself by saying God did not choose me to go through all this for nothing.

Even as we walked towards the carpark, E-Ya and me can still joked about my illness. E-Ya said, "Acik dengar tak Prof. Hatta kata tadi kanser Acik tu aggressive?" I replied, "Ya... so?" "Tulah, Acik ni masa sihat memang aggressive, dapat kanser sel pun yg aggressive jugak. Hebat betul" she continued. Hahaha ...

However in the car, E-Ya said something that I never thought would come out from her. As we were talking she suddenly said, "Life is just not fair" Huh, apa kena pulak budak ni... so I asked her, "What do you mean?"

"Yelah... orang lain tu ramai lagi yang jahat-jahat tapi tak de pun kena apa-apa. Hidup dia orang elok aje..." E-Ya, oh E-Ya. If you read this, remember again what I've always told you.

First of all, Tenkayuuu... sebab secara tak langsung kau acknowledge jugak akhirnya yang Acik kau ni baik yerrr... Hehehe...terkembang sikit. Tapi you shouldn't say that life is not fair, because as you know our life, ajal maut semuanya telah ditentukan oleh Tuhan. So when you say life is not fair, in other words you are also saying that God Himself is not fair. Nauzubillah. God picked us to go through all these because we are special, He knows we can endure it. In handling this situation, insyaalah God is guiding us as He wants us to become His better umat.

Alamak terlebih prasan ke ni? Whateverlah... tapi bukankah Tuhan akan hanya menguji umatnya dgn ujian yang termampu olehnya? So Tuhan tahu aku mampu menghadapi semua ini. Aku cuma concern because my illness has some way or another contribute stress to my family members especially si E-Ya lah since she is the closest to me. You see si E-Ya ni dijaga oleh aku eversince she was 4 years old. She herself has gone through a lot and I know my cancer tops it all.

As for me whatever the doctors have related, I accept it with open heart. No doubt it's hard for a patient like me to hear all this but I know it must be even harder for the doctors themselves to have to say all these things to patients. It must be frustrating to say to a patient something like, "Sorry, we have done everything that we could for you" when they know their duty is to save lives and not say that the patient has run out of chances.

I have no regrets at all. Knowing my situation is as such, does not mean that I will lose hope. I will still continue with my life and live it to the fullest. If modern medicine cannot cure me, maybe God can. Until the time comes for me to go, I'll do whatever it is that I can do. If that fails too, then so be it. Whatever happens I just pray to God that he gives me the oppurtunity to fulfill all my obligations first. I hope He grants me that wish. Ameen...

Part I - Alahai Penang ...

2009-03-08T14:59:00.009+08:00

It's been 3 days since we got back from our holidays (ewah... lagak bunyi mcm baru balik dr Switzerland jer kan? ... pergh!). Apa macam rasa nyer? Well ... ada yg seronok ada yg tak. Biasalah ...

Actually even before the trip starts, E-Ya dah prepare itinerary ... yes don't play play ... itinerary, wa cakap sama lu ... Dia telah melantik diri dia sendiri utk jadi program manager bg trip ni. Dia siap surf the net lagi utk cari tmpat-tmpt yg layak dilawati especially in Penanglah since dia tak pernah ke Penang lagi. Langkawi tu kurang sikitlah dia buat search sbb dia baru aje pergi ke situ last year so more or less she still remembers the attraction spots over there.

So dgn rajinnya dia pun catatlah hari ni buat apa, esok pergi mana, lepas bangun tido, sebelum bangun tido, kalau plan A tak jadi, apa pulak plan B nya, semua siaplah pendik kata. Semua dia dah taip dlm laptop ni. Siap dalam bentuk table lagi, ada headings spt Date/Time, Venue, bercolor-color. Begitu diligentnya dia membuat benda tu. "Gorgonize"nya mengalahkan Cik Kiah yg nak pergi rombongan ke Sukan Komanwel. Hahaha ...

Tiga hari sebelum kami bertolak, itinerary dahpun siap. Tapi, in the end tahu apa jadi? Ada ke masa dalam teksi on the way to LCCT, E-Ya yg duduk sebelah drebar teksi, pusing belakang cakap kat aku... "Acik, Ya lupa print out itinerary la..." Sabor je la... So dengan itinerarynya ntah ke mana, kami punya trip ni sebenarnya jadi semacam "hentam sajalah" punya trip.

First destination kami was Penang. Kami sampai airport dia lebih kurang pukul 2.40 pm gitu. Terus ke taxi counter sewa teksi airport utk ke hotel. Rm 47 itulah farenya. Kami rasa mahal betul especially bila dapat tahu distance airport dan hotel kami tu taklah jauh sgt.

Our taxi driver was a Malay man. Dia ni OK, tp there was something about him that worries me. No lah... bukan sbb muka dia mcm serial killer or anything like that. You see, at the airport itself masa dia dpt slip charter kami tu, dia tngok je terus dia keluar balik dr teksi pi kat teksi belakang, sort of like bertanyakan sesuatu kat the other taxi driver.

"Aii, nampak gaya driver kita ni mcm tak tahu jalan je ni" I said to E-Ya. And sure enough, mmglah sah-sah dia tak tahu. Our hotel which actually was an apartment, is in Tanjung Tokong. Jalan ke Tanjung Tokong drivertu tahulah, tp the exact location of the apartment tu yg dia tak tahu. Apa daa... So when we reached Tanjung Tokong, he had to stop three times to ask for direction. Mula-mula sekali dia stopped tanya kat satu Indian stall by the roadside, tanya mana apartment kami. Tokey stall suruh dia jalan lg depan. So off we went lagi ke depan. Then dia perasan jalan dah nak masuk Tanjung Bungah so once again he stopped. This time kat this one Malay restuarant and tanyalah kat tokey restaurant tu mana "Leisure Bay". Tokey restaurant tu pulak dgn confidentnya kata kami dah terlepas, kena patah balik, nanti kat traffic light, pusing kanan. So patah balik was what we did. Tapi usahkan apartment, bayangnya pun tak nampak...

Last sekali, taxi driver tu berhenti lg, kat another roadside stall. Kali ni dia tanya sorang mamat atas motosikal yg tengah berhenti beli rokok di situ. Mamat tu adalah bagi direction kat dia, tp kami tngok taxi driver tu mcm blur je. Agaknya mamat tu pun prasan, so in the end dia dgn murah hati offer utk tnjukkan sendiri di mana location sebenar apartment kami. Phew! Lega ... kalau harapkan taxi driver tu, mahu agaknya kami ni berjam-jam asyik pusing pusing Tanjung Tokong dalam taxi je. Dan nasib baik tambang dah fixed, taxi tak pakai meter.

So mamat tu pun naik motor jalan depan dan kami pun ikut dr belakang. Nak tahu apa yg berlaku selepas ini? Ini bukan cobaan...tapi betul betul kejadian ... Begini. Ingat td aku cakap kami ada stop kat satu restaurant utk tanya direction? Alah, tokey restaurant yg memberi direction dgn confidentnya tu laa.. Weren't we told that we've terlepas and had to turn back, traffic lights and bla bla bla....? Dey!!!... rupa-rupanya apartment kami tu betul betul belakang restaurant dia! And I mean betul-betul belakang ni... pintu pagar apartment tu tak sampaipun 20 meter dr restaurant dia. Tak ada apa-apa penghadangpun antara kedua-duanya. Siap tulis lagi nama apartment kat tembok sebelah kanan tu. Dari jalan raya tak nampak sangat, sbb tertutup sikit dek restuarant. Nak kata tokey tu tak tahu sbb dia baru buka business di situ, restaurant dia dah agak buruk. Nak kata pulak apartment tu baru tertegak semalam sampai dia tak tahu ttng kewujudannya, apartment tupun dari segi fizikalnyapun dah lama, paling paling dah tiga empat tahun dibina. Pelik bin ajaib betul tokey tu tak perasan apartment tu belakang restaurant dia aje... Hish!

Anyway we were relieved. At last we finally reached our destination. Kepenatan, dan kebengangan terubat apabila mendapati apartment kami memuaskan. Kalau tidak, mahu aku terbalikkan aje meja kat situ jugak. Hahaha ... Apartment kami ada dua bilik. Ada fridge, microwave, toaster, cooking stove, yg lain-lain tu standard mcm hotel hotel lain jugak. Swimming pool and gymnasiumpun ada. Dekat dgn amenities, within walking distance to Island Plaza. Apartment tu pulak bahagian dapurnya overlooking the sea. Walaupun agak jauh tp masih boleh nampaklah laut tu. Malamnya cantik, very breezy.

Dah letak beg and buat apa-apa yg patut, kamipun keluar utk makan. The last meal that we had was at LCCT and that was hours ago. So naturallylah sekarang perut masing-masing dah keroncong. Depan apartment mmng ada restaurant tu, tp ianya hanya dibuka malam. So we decided to walk to Island Plaza to look for food. Jangan haraplah kan kat sini nak jumpa pasemboq ka, cendoi ka atau laksa ka so we settled for a meal at Dome. Kalau ikutkan bukanlah aku suka sgt tempat-tempat mcm ni tp dah lapar, so hentam sajelah labu... Habih makan cost utk tiga org terbeliak bijik mata - RM 120an. Aku dan E-Ya buat bodo, so si Fizah kakak E-Ya lah yg terpaksa bayar. Hehehe ...

The next day we all charter taxi utk bawa kita orng jalan-jalan sekitar Penang. Mahal jugak but we've got no choice. Memandangkan tukang yg buat itinerary dah terlupa itinerary, so kamipun agak celaru jugak mana satu tempat yg nak dituju dulu. Tambahan pulak kami tak lama di Penang. So will it be Botanical Gardens? Chowrasta? Bukit Bendera? Fort Cornwallis? Tokong Ular? Butterfly Farm? Kuil Kek Lok Si? Bird Park? Or Permatang Pauh? (( Teringin jugak tu... ))

So fikir punya fikir dan memandangkan masapun terhad, we all decided to go to Bukit Bendera dulu. So early the next morning at 8.30 am we all suruh taxi yg kami charter tu ke sana. Di Bukit Bendera, it seems that we're the first to arrive. Orng lain tak de pun. Tapi kami OK je. Tak de orang lg bagus ... boleh posing-posing maut atas Bukit Bendera nanti.

Kami pun beli tiket dan lepastu terus ke tempat menunggu cable car. Tiba-tiba, "Awai ni. Cable car pun tak mai lg. Nanti pukui 9 stengah baru dia mai. Pi lah jalan-jalan di luaq dulu", datang dari mulut Pakcik tukang sapu. Adey! Tengok jam ada lebih kurang 40 minit lg. Mesti pakcik tu ingat kami begitu bersemangat nak naik cable car...

Kamipun jalan ke luar, tp nak jalan ke mana? Bukan ada apapun kat luar tu. Kedai pun baru dua aje yg bukak. Satu jual barang makanan ringan dan satu lg jual souveniers. Mahu tak mahu singgahlah jugak. Belek sana, belek sini adalah beli 3 fridge magnets dan 3 key chains. Lepastu tak tau nak buat apa dah. So aku cakap, "Kita tangkap gambar!", maka berlakulah adegan-adegan bodo di depan tembok yg tertulis "WELCOME TO BUKIT BENDERA" tu ...

Bila dah 9.15 kamipun pergi balik ke tempat menunggu cable car. Tengok-tengok dah ada satu gerabak yg sampai. Kamipun ambil satu section. 10 minutes later, barulah ada orng lain masuk. Foreingers and locals, all in all adalah kami dalam 12 orang satu gerabak tu. Naik cable car ni best jugak, dapat tengok Penang view. Udara pulak nyaman ...

Sampai kat atas lagi best. Memandangkan tak de org, as usual kamipun bebaslah tangkap gambar apa pose yg kami mahu. Kami posing merata. Kat tepi railing yg overlooking Penang ada, dekat fountain ada, kat meriam ada, kat pokok ada, kat tiang lampupun ada. Ada satu masa tu kami punyalah asyik berposing kat gerabak keretapi lama di situ, tak sedar rupanya ada sorang Uncle Cina dok asyik pulak merakam aksi kami dgn handphone dia. Aku yg perasan, bagi tahu kat E-Ya dan Fizah, "Wei, uncle tu tangkap gambar kita lah, jom blah..." Ntah kenapalah Uncletu nak tangkap gambar (atau video?) kamipun tak tahu. Tapi... kalau korang ada terjumpa kat You Tube tiga orng pompuan macam gila meroyan kat atas Bukit Bendera... haa... kami lah tu... Hahaha ...

Lebih kurang 1 jam berjalan-jalan kat atas Bukit Bendera, kamipun turun. Mulanya nak ke Botanical Gardens tp akhirnya cancelled. Budak-budak ni pulak tak nak pergi tmpat-tmpat macam Tokong Ular, Kuil Kek Lok Si atau Fort Cornwallis. Aku pulak dah pergi dah masa aku kecik, darjah 4 dulu. So kami minta aje suggestion dr taxi driver. Dia suggest pergi satu kedai ni - kedai jual kopi. Dia kata, "They sell the best coffee in Malaysia". Yeke? Nak tahu punya pasal, kamipun ke situlah. Rupa-rupanya kedai ni bukan jual kopi aje, teh ada malah coklatpun ada.

Masuk aje kedai kami diberikan sample kopi dan teh utk dicuba. Yg pelahap minum nya ialah Fizah sbb dia memang hantu kopi. E-Ya lebih suka teh dan aku pulak takut nak minum takut memudaratkan condition aku. Tp dalam takut-takut tu aku adalah jg minum mint tea dia, bolehlah tahan... 15 minutes later kami keluar dr kedai setelah membeli satu paket each of lemon tea, mint tea dan si Fizah pulak dgn white coffea dia. Masuk taxi aje tiba-tiba drivernya bersuara, "Ikut kajian, minum kopi ni bagus. Boleh elakkan diri dari kena kanser". Aii, macam dia tahu-tahu je aku ada kanser. Lagi pulak, betul ke maklumat yg dia cakap ni? Adakah mungkin kerana selama ini aku tak suka minum kopi maka aku kena kanser? Tak pernah pulak aku terbaca artikel macam gitu, tp aku diamkan aje. Menangguk setuju tidak, menggeleng membangkangpun tidak.

Lepas kedai kopi kami minta pulak taxi driver tu bawa kami ke tempat yg jual jeruk. Orang kata, (bukan aku kata ye...) kalau mai Penang, tak beli jeruk tak sah. Paling-paling kena beli buah pala dia. Tambahan pulak bila sedara mara tau yg kami nak ke Penang masing-masing dah siap-siap mengirim jeruk itu, jeruk ini. So off to Chowrasta we went. Dah borong jeruk, kami pun suruh taxi driver hantar kami balik apartment as we have to check out sbb free voucher kami hanya utk 1 night stay saja di situ. Kami akan pindah ke Copthorne Orchid, Tanjung Bungah pulak for another 1 night di sana. Yg ni belanjanya sendirian berhad tp sebab si Fizah ni member of Swiss Garden holidays, kami dapat room at discounted rate of RM 80 only.

Bila dah check in di sini, kami dah tak jalan-jalan dah. Ke pantai atau bazar malam di Batu Feringghi tak, makan ke Gurney Drivepun tak. Actually budak-budak berdua tu yg tak mau. Aku orait je nak ke manapun. Dia orng kata buat apa nak ke bazar malam, kat KLpun ada, makan hawker food pulak si E-Ya kata tak elok utk health aku. Sedihnya hati time tu...

Bercakap pasal makan, actually sepanjang dua hari kami di Penang ni, kami tak cubapun satu Penang delicacies yg selalu disebut-sebut spt nasi kandar, pasembor dsbnya. Walaupun teringin sangat, tp mengenangkan yg aku tak boleh sembarangan makan jd kena lupakanlah saja keinginan tu. Selain dari aku makan salad, fish and chips kat Dome hari tu, antara tempat-tempat lain yg kami makan adalah di BBQ Chicken. Di sini jg ada dijual white flesh fish dan masakannya semua menggunakan extra virgin olive oil, banyak salad and fruit juices. Pricepun tak mahal sangat. Satu lagi kami makan kat one local pizza outlet. Ada mushroom soup dan green tea. Cuma ada sekali tu aku nak jugak, so kami makan kuetiaw goreng, Penang style. Cari laksa tak jumpalah pulak.

Selain dr Bukit Bendera, cuma satu aje lagi destinasi yg kami pergi iaitu "Toy Museum" yg kebetulan mmng terletak di hadapan Copthorne Hotel tu aje. Kami dapat info pasal toy museum ni masa kami kat Bukit Benderalah. Ada sorang amoi datang bagi flyers kat kami. Bayaran masuk sorang RM 10. Masa kami masuk tu tak de orng lain. Betul. Masuk kami bertiga aje, time keluarpun kami bertiga jugaklah. Nak tahu kenapa? Sebab tempat tu indah kabar dari rupa. Dalam advertisement digambarkan tempat tu sikit punya gempak. Segala macam superlative digunakan utk memuji museum tu. Tp bila kami masuk, kami dissapointed. Walaupun mmng banyak toys and replicas di situ, tp maintainence wise tempattu failed. Dalamnya berbau, sempit dgn rak-rak toys diletakkan sangat dekat antara satu sama lain. Semuanya dalam glass casing. Ada satu dua patung Pharoah yg tak di letak dalam kaca. Floornya squeeky, in fact at one spottu almost macam nak cave in. Ada satu glass casing tu pulak senget nak jatuh, ditupangnya dgn tangga. Ada ke patut? E-Ya tak habis-habis merungut, "Eee... kita tertipu. Acik kita dah kena tipu ni.." Tapi memandangkan masing-masing dah bayar 10 henggit, posing-posing gaklah kami dalam tu utk memastikan yg our RM 10 each was worth it. Cuba korang bayangkan kalau kami yg local ni boleh criticise macam gini, apa lagi mat-mat saleh atau mat-mat Jepun. Mesti dia orng kata, "Piiirrrahhhh!" Err... by the way, mat saleh dan mat Jepun pandai ke cakap "pirrraah"?

The next day was check out time. Tp sebelum tu si E-Ya sempat pergi sauna dan jacuzzi kat hotel. Aku? Bersantai kat balcony yg mengadap laut, sambil minum dan baca paper. Macam orang kaya-kaya... Manakala si Fizah pulak dah mula diserang demam selsema so diapun apa lagi, tak de keje bergulung dalam selimut atas katil.

Flight kami ke Langkawi pukul 2.10 pm. Lepas check out dr hotel pukul 12 tghari, kami terus je ke airport. Dalam taxi E-Ya senyap. Tak de berbual-bual mcm biasa dgn driver taxi atau aku. Aku dah pelik dah. Aku tertanya-tanya dalam hati, "Kenapa budak ni, diam aje". Bukan apa, si E-ya ni kan mulut murai, jd kalau dia senyap maknanya mmng ada something wrong. Sepanjang dua hari kami charter taxi tu, E-Yalah paling peramah berborak dgn driver taxi Muslim yg berketurunan mamak, dipanggil Joe saja tu.

Si Joe ni selain boleh berbahasa Melayu, Tamil dan Inggeris, dia boleh jg berbahasa Arab. Masa mula-mula ambik kami dia asyik tersasul-sasul cakap omputih je dgn kami. Panggil aku pulak, "Maam". Kalau aku cakap, "Building kat Penang ni banyak yg lama-lama mcm colonial days punya building ye" Dia akan jawab, "Yes maam. Kan baru-baru ni Penang dpt Cultural Heritage punya status, so bulding tu semua kami preserve" atau kalau aku tanya, "Kat mana nak dibina jambatan P. Pinang yg kedua? Jadi ke projek tu ye?" Dia akan jawab, "Saya tak pastilah maam, sbb dengar cerita projek tu ada masalah". Sabar aje lah. Bawa taxi tak lepas dengan spek mata hitam dia. Sekali pandang mcm Sivaji the Boss.

Rupa-rupanya si E-Ya bengang sbb si Joe dah pandai-pandai main SMS dgn dia. Yelah E-Ya bagi no telefon dia kat si Joe tu bukan suruh siJoe main SMS dgn dia, tp supaya senang kami contact dia kalau ada apa-apa change in taxi schedule. Itu aje. Hari pertama tak de SMS lagi, tapi masuk hari kedua je siJoe hantar tiga SMS kat E-Ya. The first SMS berbunyi, "Hai Cik E-Ya. Boleh kita berkenalan?". Kuang kuang kuang... the second one pulak, " Nama saya Zulkifli and I'm 27 yrs old" Huhu... dan yg ketiga "Kenapa tak balas SMS saya?" Tu diaaa... Patutlah Si E-Ya bengang, diam aje masa dlm taxi. Dia kata menyampah betul. "Kalau nak bawa taxi bawa je lah taxi, apa pulak nak SMS-SMS orng?" Rungutnya masa dah sampai airport. Hehehe ...

Aku saja usik-usik E-Ya cakap, "Eh cuba bayangkan. Ntah-ntah dia bawa taxi tu part time basis aje. Sebenarnya taxi yg dia bawak tu taxi company bapak dia. Dia saja-saja tolong bawakan. Haa... kan cerah masa depan? Anak tokey taxi tu..." Apa yg aku dapat? Jelingan maut daa...

Even masa kami dah sampai Langkawipun rupanya si Joe ada SMS lagi, "Hope you have arrived safely in Langkawi"... Hemm nasib kaulah E-Ya. Agaknya dia tengok yg si E-Ya ni ada sikit-sikit rupa mamak sbb tu lah dia nak berkenalan sangat tu. Hahaha...

Ok, begitulah serba ringkas (ye ke ringkas?) cerita kami di Penang. On the scale of 10, I'd say that I rate the trip as a 6.5, oraitlah tukan? Langkawi punya kisah pulak in the next entry OK. Letih tangan nak menaiplah...

Operable Versus Inoperable

2009-02-20T10:57:00.014+08:00

Semalam aku ke klinik Gynae & Onco. Seperti yg dijangka aku di attend oleh Dr. Razzi. Ntah mana pergi Dr. Sugunapun tak taulah. Agaknya diapun kena tukar macam Dr. Flora jugak kot. Tapi tak kisahlah asalkan aku dapat treatment.

Sebelum jumpa doktor aku kena timbang berat dan ambil tekanan darah dulu di klinik Gynae di bawah. Suka tak terkira sebab berat aku dah bertambah. Dulu 37 kg sekarang 38. Hey ... walaupun naiknya hanya sekilo tp itu satu pencapaian yg besar buat aku yg mmg sangat susah nak naik berat badan ni tau. Tekanan darah pulak sedikit rendah 100/60. Tapi overall health OK.

Selesai urusan itu barulah aku dan E-Ya ke tingkat 1 untuk berjumpa doktor. Giliran aku no:13 dan aku tengok dah ramai orang menunggu. Tapi oleh kerana hari tu ada dua orng doktor yang bertugas, jd waktu menunggu taklah lama sangat.

Sambil menunggu-nunggu tu aku berkenalanlah dengan seoang perempuan ni yg datang dgn dua anaknya. Seorang perempuan dan seorang lelaki. Aku ingatkan perempuantu yg sakit tapi rupa-rupanya tidak. Anak perempuannya yg sakit. Anak perempuannya tengah tunggu keputusan SPM, maknanya masih berumur 17 tahun. Tapi nak tau apa kena dgn dia? Begini cerita mengikut apa yg dikatakan oleh emaknya pada aku dan E-Ya ...

Budak perempuantu mengidap kanser ovari. Sebenarnya dia mula mengidap kanser ovari sejak dia berumur 15 tahun lagi, time dia ambil PMR. Masa tu mengikut kata emaknya, tiap kali datang period dia akan rasa sakit. Dah ramai doktor yg dijumpa masa tu tapi kebanyakannnya kata tak ada apa-apa, normal bg budak teenager macam dia. Hormon inbalance, katanya. Tapi lama kelamaan sakitnya bertambah teruk dan perut pulak asyik kembong. Last sekali dia ke hospital dan disuruh buat scanning dan biopsy. Sah-sahlah dia kanser. Agaknya sebab lama sangat dia terkeliru memikirkan sakit perutnya hanya sakit biasa maka apabila dia disahkan kanser oleh doktor, ovari dia di sebelah kiri sudahpun terpecah akibat tumor kanser di dalamnya. Jadi masa umurnya 15 tu dia telah menjalani operation utuk buang ovari kiri tu. Lepas tu dia menjalani chemo dan radioterapi. Hampir dua tahun dia OK hinggalah baru-baru ni.

Masa dia tengah SPM dia dah mula rasa sakit balik. Tapi dihabiskannya SPM dulu, baru selepas itu dia pergi hospital. Buat CT scan, dan check dengan doktor rupa-rupanya kanser dah merebak ke ovari yang lagi satu pulak! Bayangkan umur dia masih begitu muda sudah diuji utk mengharungi dugaan yg sehebat ini. Tengok budaknya macam tak sakit aje. Mukanya manis, tenang dan nampak pendiam. Dia bersekolah di Bandar Baru Bangi. Tak tahulah apa yg doktor yg buat pada dia pulak lepas ni, mungkin kena bedah utk buang ovari yg satu lagi kot. Walahualam. Aku tak dapat bercakap lebih lanjut lagi sebab aku sudah dipanggil ke dalam utk berjumpa dgn doktor.

Seperti biasa Dr. Razzi mulakan dengan soalan-soalan rutin (aku gelar soalan favorite Dr. Cancer), iaitu - "Macam mana buang air? OK? Buang air kecil ada masalah?" Kadang kadang tu doktor belum tanya lg aku dah jawab, "Saya buang air semua OK. Tak de masalah" Hahahaha... betul tak siapa yg pergi rawatan kanser mesti inilah jg soalan-soalannya kan?

E-Ya pernahlah tanya aku kenapa doktor baik di klinik Gynae & Onco atau klinik Onco, balik balik asyik akan tanya soalan pasal buang air je. "Tak de soalan lain ke?" katanya. Aku terangkan pada dia macam gini. "Yelah... soalan tu sebenarnya soalan berlapik. Doktor sebenarnya nak tahu adakah buah pinggang dan liver kita ni OK atau tidak. Jadi drp soalan 'buang air' dia akan tahu samada kedua-duanya dalam keadaan yg sihat atau tidak. "Tak kan doktor nak tanya, buah pinggang you OK? Liver you macam mana berfungsi dgn baik ke?" Macam manalah nak jawab kalau begitu? Kita bukan boleh nampak buah pinggang dan liver kita ye tak?

Doktor Razzi seterusnya membelek-belek fail aku dan menanyakan bagaimana radioterapi yg telah aku jalani. Aku kata dgn dia aku baru habis semalamnya dan akan datang jumpa balik onkologist pada 17 March nanti. Aku mention jg dgn dia yg ketulan di leher aku sudah mengecut. Dr. Razzi kemudian aku lihat membaca satu laporan bertaip pd kertas biru. Rupa-rupanya itulah adalah laporan X-ray dan CT Scan aku yg telah dibuat beberapa minggu yg lepas. Dia kata dia akan terangkan pada aku apa yg ditulis pd laporan itu.

Dr. Razzi : "Nampaknya laporan ni kata yg lymph nodes you mmng ada masalah, lebih besar dr biasa ..." Dia tunjukkan kat aku besarnya sebesar duit 50 sen. Dia kemudian lukis satu diagram, mcm huruf Y terbalik dan kemudian menggunakan pen dia kata, "dan ianya dikedua-dua belah. Tp CT scan ni dibuat sebelum you buat radiation kat situ, jd most probably sekarang saiznya dah mengecil", sambungnya lagi.

Aku : "Macam mana dengan liver saya doktor? Hari tu kata mungkin ada masalah"

Dr. Razzi : " Oh nanti..." Selepas beberapa saat dia bersuara, "report CT scan ni kata liver you OK"

"ALHAMDULILLAH !!!" tiba-tiba bergema kuat gedabak dalam bilik doktor tu. Aku pusing kepala nampak si E-Ya sedang menyapu muka dgn dua belah tangan dia, tanda kesyukuran. Budak ini! Bab-bab nak bagi org terkezut bagilah kat dia. Kot ye pun tak perlulah kuat kuat begitu... Aku macam tak percaya sampai 3 kali aku tanya balik Dr. Razzi "Betul ni liver saya OK? Betul? Betul tak ada apa-apa?"

Dr. Razzi : "Sini kata liver tak de apa apa"

"Alhamdulillah... apa lagi report tu tulis?" sambung aku.

Dr. Razzi : "Uterus masih bengkak sedikit bererti ianya masih bermasalah. Tapi other than that Ok je. Sini jg kata tak ada lekatan yg ketara" Sukanya hati tak terkira masa tu, benar-benar aku bersyukur.

Sedang kami berbincang tu tiba-tiba masuk seorang lagi doktor. Mula-mula aku tak cam siapa. Tapi lepas doktor tu tegur aku, "Apa khabar kakak sekarang? Lama tak jumpa. Kakak nampak sihat ni" barulah aku sedar dia rupanya Prof. Hatta, doktor yg mula-mula mendiagnosekan aku dgn endometrial cancer. Dia superior kepada Dr. Razzi dan merupakan salah seorng pakar surgeon di bahagian Gynae & Onco.

Seperti Dr. Razzi, dia jg menanyakan apakah perkembangan treatment aku. Selepas aku memberitahu dia serba sedikit, dia beralih pula ke Dr. Razzi. Dr. Razzi bacakan report CT Scan aku kepada Prof. Hatta.

Prof Hatta : "Saya rasa lepas ni the next step is to do surgery to remove the uterus" katanya memandang muka aku. WHAT??? Surgery??? Bukan kah dulu Dr. di bahagian Oncology kata aku tak boleh dibedah? Sekarang Prof Hatta pulak kata boleh, macam mana ni? Confuse aku ... Nak kata aku dulu salah dengar, E-Ya ada sama sebagai saksi.

Aku : "Tapi Doktor, hari tu masa saya tanya Dr. Onco, dia kata saya tak boleh dibedah..."

Prof Hatta : " Kenapa pulak tak boleh? Apa alasan dia cakap macam tu?"

Aku : "Dia kata lepas radiotherapy berlaku infusion jd risky kalau dibedah"

Prof Hatta: "Tak jadi masalah itu semua. Kita buang saja. Lagipun the root of the problem is there in the uterus. Dinding rahim kakak menebal dah tak mau mengecut, kalau tak dibuang akan lebih teruk nanti".

Lepas itu dia berbincang dgn Dr. Razzi. Aku dgn E-Ya dengar saja. Antara butir-butir perbualan ialah Prof Hatta suruh Dr. Razzi get in touch dengan Dr. dari Oncology to find out what plans they have for me. Then dia suruh Dr. Razzi beritahu mereka yg Gynae & Onco bercadang nak buat surgery to remove my uterus and ovary, a palliative surgery katanya. And guess what? Dia bercadang nak buat surgery tu in 2 weeks time atau latest by mid March! After giving the instructions he walked to leave the room. We thanked him for his time.

Dr. Razzi pandang muka aku, "Macam mana? Setuju tak untuk dioperate?"

Aku : "Actually apa ceritanya uterus saya tu? Bukan kah bila dah buat radioterapi cancer cells tu dah mati?"

Dr. Razzi : "Memanglah tapi kadang-kadang tak jugak, tambah pulak uterus you bengkak lgi ni. Elok buang je. Boleh tak kalau buat 2 minggu lagi ni?"

E-Ya tiba-tiba enterfrem, "We're OK with that doctor. No problem on our part" Wah...wah...wah... budak ini... memanglah kau tak de problem E-Ya ooi... it's not your body yg akan dibelah oleh doktor...its MY BODY... my twiggy like body ... Uwahhhh!

Tapi tiba-tiba aku teringat, "Eh doktor tak boleh, sebab dua minggu lagi saya tak de kat sini"

Dr. Razzi : "You tak de sini? Maksud you?"

Aku : "Dua minggu lagi saya pergi holiday ..." Hehehe .... holiday tak lupa punya ....

Dr. Razzi : "Oh ya ke..? Holiday kat mana tu?" tanyanya penuh semangat. Dalam hati aku, aiseyman jgnlah excited sngt doktor... macamlah aku ni nak pegi holiday ke Switzerland. Pergh!

Lagi sekali E-Ya enterferm, "Saya nak bawa makcik saya pergi Penang dan Langkawi" Yelah lah tu... Saya nak bawa makcik saya konon... apasal kalau nak bawa makcik saya tp tambang flight makcik kena bayar sendiri??? Ada patut ke?

Dr. Razzi : "Tak pelah pergilah holiday dulu. Fikir habis-habis samada you nak buat surgery ni tau tidak. Balik nanti beritahu. I will also talk to the doctors from Oncology about your case. So as for now, saya bagi you appointment to see me again in three weeks time. Kalau ada apa-apa you nak tanya you can contact Kismah or Nani and they'll search for me. Is that OK?" KIsmah and Nani adalah dua nurses yg bertugas di klinik Gynae & Onco, very nice ladies, ever so supportive to us patients.

Aku : "OK" jawab ku pendik aja.

Aku bukannya takut pasal surgery tu pun. Aku dari dulu lg dah bersedia bab-bab kena operate ni. Lagipun menurut Dr. Razzi its not an extensive one, just remove the uterus and ovary and maybe the nearby lymph nodes, duration between 1 to 2 hours under general anasthesia. Tapi bila dah ada dua contradicting opinions macam ni yg buat aku confuse ni. Cancer aku ni sebenarnya operable ke atau inoprable? Oh well, whatever it is I hope the winner of this battle between the Gynae & Oncology (operable) and Oncology (inoperable) will be ME! Ameen ...

The Return of The Thrush

2009-02-18T21:26:00.000+08:00

"Yey ...! Hari ni last radioterapi. Dah habis!" Err ... ni bukan aku yg seronok sangat. Ni E-Ya lah .., yg kalau boleh nak melompat-lompat dia depan lift unit radioterapi tu. Macam dia yg kena pulak.

Alhamdullilah. Hari ini 18 Februari 2009, genaplah 10 kali (in actual 30 kali depan, dan belakang perut, kat leher) aku dipancar. Walaupun nampak macam sikit tp seksanya Tuhan je yg tahu. Memanglah ada org lain yg kena lagi banyak tp banyak sedikit bukan ukurannya dan harus diketahui tak semua org akan mengalami kesan tepi (side effectslah...) yg sama.

Kalau masa kena kat pelvis dulu, aku diserang diarrhea, fatigue dan kegatalan, kali ni alhamdullillah setakat hari ni (dan diharapkan hari-hari seterusnya) aku hanya mengalami thrush saja. Thrush yg aku alami kali ini berlaku didalam mulut, di kawasan berhampiran anak tekak. Dah nampak dah warna putih-putih tu masa aku nganga kat cermin tengok tiga hari lepas. Apa lagi... menelan punyalah seksa. Usahkan cakap pasal menelan makanan, menelan air liurpun boleh terjegil biji mata dibuatnya. Air liur pulak dah pekat semacam ... eh, sorry le kalau korang geli...

Memanglah aku dah tahu ini akan dialami oleh siapa-siapa yg kena "tembak" kat leher tp aku taklah sangka begini punya teruk. Sekarang ni aku rasa kat tekak aku tu kering dan pedih, kesat macam ada kertas pasir je melekat kat situ. Makanpun dah dua hari ni hanya bubur aje. Nak makan benda lain kena lenyek-lenyek dulu, lepas tu telan je lah walaupun sakit. Sampai bila? Ntah tapi harap-harap tak lamalah.

Lagi satu, oleh kerana tekak dah kering batuk pulak tak henti-henti. Kong! Kong! Kong! Adey .. itu bukan bunyi anjing menyalaklah, itulah bunyi aku batuk... Aku batuk tak kira masa. Tadi masa atas tempat baringan masa nak kena radioterapi kat perut tu pun aku dah terbatuk-batuk. Masa buat kat leher Tuhan je tahu macam mana seksanya aku menahan supaya jangan batuk takut tergerak kepala, ter"tembak" kat tempat lain pulak nanti. "Nahai..." bak kata P. Ramlee. Suarapun dah mula nak jd macam ala-ala seksi gitu. Namun aku harus bersyukur kerana aku tahu ada org lain kena lg teruk dari ni.

Contohnya aku ada berkenalan dengan seorang perempuan Indonesia masa dapat rawatan pertama kali dulu. Dia dapat cancer dekat bahagian leher. Doktor buat sekaligus chemo dan radiotherapy pd dia. Maknanya dia akan datang awal pagi utk buat chemo di wad dulu, lepas tu petangnya dia akan turun ke unit radioterapi utk di"tembak" pula. Bila aku selesai treatment aku dulu, aku tengok dia masih steady lagi, kuat dan badanpun tak banyak berubah. Tapi bila aku dtng buat rawatan susulan kat klinik Onco bulan Januari haritu, aku hampir tak kenal dia sbb dia dah berubah begitu drastik. Badannya kurus melengkung, mukanya cengkung dan jalanpun dipapah. Agak terkejut jugak aku dibuatnya. So aku yang baru diuji dgn sedikit ini tak perlulah nak banyak songel. Lambat laun dgn izin Allah aku akan balik normal juga. Ameen ...

Aku jg bersyukur radiotherapy kali kedua ni badan aku tak berapa rasa penat. Tak macam dulu. Kali ni, hari pertama tu mmng penat tp lepas-lepas tu tidak. Mungkin ini akibat dari kebiasaan aku melakukan "brisk walking" to build up stamina, hampir setiap pagi selepas subuh. Kadang-kadang aku lakukan ditaman dekat rumah aku, tp sejak-sejak dah ramai sangat orng, aku tukar port pulak. Mula-mula aku ke FRIM. Sempatlah empat kali aku ke sana, tp kat situ rasa macam tak best kerana pagi-pagi staf FRIM banyak keluar masuk dgn motorlah, keretalah so keadaannya agak tak "beroksigen" tp lebih ke banyak"karbon monoksida" maka aku cari port baru lagi.

Kali ini aku ke Taman Metropolitan Kepong. Aku dah lama aim tmpat ni. Mulanya aku ingat ia hanyalah tmpat orng main layang-layang je, tp bila aku singgah secara tak sengaja pagi Ahad lalu rupanya kat dalam tu lawanya boleh tahan jugak. Aku punya favorite spot ialah tempat "Bird Watch" dia. Utk ke sini you have to ascend a hill slope of approximately 30 - 35 degrees. Memanglah penat sikit tp bila sampai atas tu waduhhh... bestnyerrr... Dia ada dua bird watch tower, tp yg aku paling suka tower yg overlooking tasik. Boleh nampak matahari terbit dan nasib baik boleh tengok burung sambar ikan dalam tasik. Heaven wa cakap sama lu...

Aku suka naik atas tower tu lepastu aku buatlah apa-apa yg patut. Exercise stretching ke, breathing ke, push up (kat railing tower), qigong ke tp yg pasti aku tak mencangkung sia sia je di situ. Hehehe... alah bukan pandaipun tp buat buat jelah macam pandai. Tu yg kena naik atas tower tu sbb kalau di bawah nanti orng nampak betapa sumbangnya langkah aku. Hahahaha... kan dah terpecah rahsia...

Aku pergi sorang-sorang je. Nak ajak E-Ya dia kata dia hanya sesuai buat exercise dalam gym je. Mengedik sungguh budak ni. Aku adalah ikut E-Ya exercise kat gym dua kali, tp aku tak berapa suka sebab tempatnya terkepung tak de pokok-pokok untuk dipandang. Hari tu aku bawa dia ke FRIM. Boleh ke dia jogging, adalah lebih kurang setengah kilometer dah ajak aku balik. Masatu kami baru je kat FRIM, tak sampaipun 15 minit. Aku tak mau balik, instead aku ajak dia panjat bukit pergi kat tempat air terjun yg tak berapa nak terjun tu. Lepak-lepak main air lebih kurang setengah jam baru aku setuju nak balik.

Biasanya aku lebih suka pergi sorangpun. Sebab kalau aku pergi sorang-sorang masa balik bila sampai kat simpang Seri Gombak tu, aku akan pandu masuk lebuhraya DUKE. Aku suka jugak DUKE ni sebab sekarang dia tgh free tak de tol. Aku boleh round drive dr Gombak ke Hulu Kelang lepas tu balik semula ke Gombak, semula ke Hulu Kelang sampai dua tiga kali. Crazy? Dahlah minyak mahal ni. Well maybe ... tp bila pandu kereta, buka semua tingkap, angin tiup, jalan pulak tak ramai orng, huuu ... macam rasa kat tepi pantai je ...

Err, ni semua ada kena mengena dgn tajuk "Thrush" aku ker? Tak kisahlah ... asalkan aku bahagia kan? Ok stop sini dulu. Besok aku ada appointment dengan doktor di klinik Gynae & Onco. Citer pasal liver aku tak tau lagi, tapi apa-apapun aku redha saje. Yang pasti aku akan tetap berusaha walau apa cara sekalipun dan selebihnya aku serahkan pada Allah untuk menentukannya. Oh ya, ketulan di leher aku dah mengecut. Kalau dulu besarnya macam sebiji telur ayam gred A, sekarang dah meleper sebesar walnut gitu. Alhamdullilah... harap-harap semua sel kanser di situ, di perut dan di pelvis aku dah dapat dihapuskan oleh radiotherapy yg aku jalani. Next appointment dengan Oncologist pulak will be on 17 March 2009. Tapi sebelum itu ... aku, E-Ya dan kakaknya Fizah akan berholidaying di Penang dan Langkawi ... Yahooooo !

La la la ...

2009-02-06T16:18:00.011+08:00

Howdy folks !

Long time no blog huh? Been busy... melayan itu, melayan ini...

Alhamdullillah. Today I've finished my 3rd out of 10 sessions of radiotherapy to the neck and para aortic lymph nodes. So far so good. This time around I'm getting 1 zap to the neck and 1 zap each to the front and back of my tummy for the para aortic lymph nodes. Total = 3 zaps per day for 10 days, that will bring to 30 zaps. The last time I had 2 zaps per day, one to the front and one to the back of the pelvis. Multiply that with 10 brings to an amount of 20. So by the end of February I would've have been zapped 50 times.

Satu benda yg klakar, to me lah... tp bila fikir balik ... nampak sangatlah DOL nye. I don't know what was I thinking at that time. On the first day that I was to have my radiotherapy to the stomach, I did not eat anything except drink a cup of plain water. When asked by E-Ya whether I've taken my breakfast or not, I confidently replied, "Dah..."

My appointment was at 11 am but we arrived at HUKM early, around 10.30 am. The waiting period that day was quite long and I only got to go into the radiotherapy room around 12.45 pm. Naturally since I had not taken anything since morning I was sooo damnnn hungry while waiting. I only drank water, lots of it pulak tu and apa lg terpaksalah pulak ke toilet... In short, my tummy growled = more water consumed = more trips to the loo.

By 12.30 pm I had my fingers pressed the lefthand side of my stomach as I already felt a slight pain there. Pain yg kita selalu rasa bila kita lamaaa tak makan tu lah... alah macam gastric pain tu...

Seeing me do that E-Ya asked, "Kenapa Acik ni tekan-tekan perut? Sakit ke"? I shook my head then answered, "Lapar..." She asked again, "Tadi sebelum datang kan dah breakfast, takkan lapar lg?". I gave her a lame smile and said, "Sebenarnya Acik tak makan, minum air je"

"Yang Acik tak makan tu kenapa?" Dah start dah Cik E-Ya kita..., "Td Ya tanya, Acik jwb sudah... Hee.. Acik ni kan..."

"Acik sengaja je tak nak makan..." I began my explanation , "Sengaja nak minum air je sebelum radiotherapy ni"

"Kenapa pulak?" she asked.

This is the DOL part. "Yelah... Acik fikir, Acikkan nak kena radiotherapy kat perut. Radiotherapy tu basically is about radiation. Jd kalau Acik makan, nanti makanan tu terkumpul kat perut. Kena radiation bukan ke makanan tu nanti jd mcm kena masak je kat dlm perut tu? Tak mau lah. Lagi selamat minum air je, perut kosong. Lepas habis radiotherapy baru makan"

I think E-Ya couldn't believe what she had just heard for she replied, "Acik ni kan nama aje cikgu Sains, apa kebende Acik merepek ni?"

"Eh logik apa ..." I said, still trying to convince her with my theory.

"Sapa cakap kat Acik ni? Baca kat internet ke?" she asked.

"Tak de la sapa sapa cakap. Tp kan haritu Acik ada baca kat internet dia kata, org yg kena radiotherapy mmng ada bhgn-bhgn dalam badan dia become infused. Siap kalau nak betulkan kena pergi buat therapy lagi. Haritu pun doktor ada cakap mcm tu kan. So kalau bhgn dalam badan boleh melekat-lekat, kenapa tidak makanan? Acik rasa bolehlah kot. Tak mau Acik makanan terlekat-lekat kat dalam perut..." Bagus tak reasoning aku? Hahaha ...

E-Ya dah tak kuasa nak melayan for she rolled up her eyes and looked the other way. Hehehe... mesti dia cakap dalam hati, "Lantak kau lah Acik..."

When my turn came I was quite surprised to see that the room was filled with 6 radiographers. Normally its only 2. Only later did I know that the others are trainees. They were there to receive the practical part of their training. Basically this 2nd round of radiotherapy is not much difference from the first. No feeling of pain or anything during the procedure, however the duration of being exposed I noticed, has increased.

I had E-Ya to time my session, from the moment the buzzer starts to the moment it is stopped. Previously for the pelvis, duration of exposure was about 1 minute on each side. Thus I was exposed per day about 2 minutes only. But now, for the neck alone it's 3 minutes, while the back and front stomach is 2 minutes each. In total 7 minutes of exposure to radioactive per day. Hemm ... wonder what's it like now in my body ... ada yg terlekat-lekat tak? Kalau yg dulu mcm soggy noodles, kali ni dah macam jd mashed potatoes gamaknye?? Hishhh ...!

Nonetheless, apart from feeling tired the first day of being zapped, I am much stronger yesterday and today. Alhamdullilah. Yesterday, after coming back from the hospital, I even have time and strength to bake three moist chocolate cakes and a bunch of sardine puffs. Two of the chocolate cakes are for my fellow teachers and staff mates in school. Its an annual thing that we have in our school whereby after every celebration the teachers celebrating the occassion will treat the other races for lunch. This time its the Chinese teachers' turn. They will be holding the makan-makan today, Friday at 12.40 pm in school. I took the opportunity to bake the cakes for all of them. Lgpun nak tunggu Hari Raya lambat lagi daa. Its the least I could do after all the encouragement and support given towards me.

While the other one chocolate cake and sardine puffs are for my niece, Linda who called me yesterday morning while I was on my way to the hospital. Wth loudspeaker on, she asked how's my treatment going, how am I feeling to which E-Ya replied, "Oh Acik sekarang vogue the vast..", whatever that means. Then more of her bla bla bla... saying her office will be having family day at the Zoo Negara this Saturday, so she wants to borrow my camera coz her camera was already taken by her younger brother who wants to take photos of him and his girlfriend, who hails from Malacca... More bla bla bla... updating us on her engagement plan, maybe in March, maybe in May, her boyfriend parent's intention of meeting my sister and brother in law to discuss the matter, my sister's plan of coming down to KL coz her mother in law will be having an eye operation sometime next week. More bla bla bla asking us whether we want to go to Jaya Jusco Seremban 2 to catch a movie and after that stay the night at her older brother's house to see Baby Haidar - her nephew = my cucu saudara ... yesss dah tua dah, ada cucu dah ... Drat! ... and all this while I thought I was only 25 going on to be 26 this year ;P

Then more bla bla bla ... Yes, she talks non stop and she's good at it by the way. In fact E-Ya and her are both good at it. Bothpun are "yackity yack" punya people. Oh God what did I do to deserve not one, but 2 such nieces ... But luckily only one stays with me if both, boleh mati "heart failure..." Hahaha

So after about 20 minutes of her doing the talking and me mostly doing "Hem, huh, ohh, ye ke and hahaha" she finally bids goodbye ... but not before she said how long she had not seen me and taste my delicious sardine puffs! And knowing that I am going to bake chocolate cake she too said my chocolate cake is just as awesome. So I said "Nak ke?" Initially she malu malu kucing le by saying, "Tak pe ke Acik? Acik tu kan tak berapa sihat... Takut menyusahkan Acik je tp kalau nak buat, Da terima aje... Petang ni Da dtng rumah ye..." Hampeh punya statement. Nasib baik lah Acik kau ni tak boleh dah makan mee sangat, kalau tidak sebagai balasan dah suruh dah dia belikan Mee Bandung yang sedap 2 bungkus , jual depan ofis dia tu. Hishhh!

So it has been set that this weekend E-Ya and me will be off to Seremban to makan makan angin menghirup udara estate coz my nephew's house is near one. Tengoklah kalau rajin we'll drive down to PD, tp fikir-fikir balik ... nak buat hape...bukan boleh dah nak makan seafood... Uwahhhh!!!

Just a Quickie

2009-01-29T15:44:00.003+08:00

Went to radiotherapy unit today to have the simulation. Luckily there was not so many patients so we were there for about an hour only.

Before my turn, there was this Chinese man seated on a wheelchair. I don't know what type of cancer he has but from the looks of him I guess it has something to do with his mouth and neck. I noticed there is a swelling on his right handside neck, maybe about 1 or 2 inches above the collarbone. The swelling was reddish in color and looks like its badly burnt. Actually when we arrived he was in the midst of being questioned by the radiographer as to what he did to make the swelling be like that.

It took sometime for the radiographer to comprehend what he was talking about as his speech was slurry. Futhermore he was there all alone. He was brought down from the oncologiy ward to the radiology unit by a nurse. It seems that during Chinese New Year he was granted leave from the ward so he went home to celebrate the occassion with his family. It was during that time he did something to his neck. Using hand gesture he illustrated that he rubbed "something" to it. With slurred speech, he mentioned a name but the radiographer did not understand him. Neither did we.

The radiographer then jokingly said, "Apalah yang uncle dah letak ni? Pencuci lantai ke atau pencuci pinggan?" But sheesh... talk about some joke...

My turn came and I was attended by 2 male radiographers. Hemm... last time my session was done by 2 females. Talk about coincidence, they both were heavily pregnant. I guess both are on maternity leave now and that's why they are replaced by this two male radiographers. Whateverlah, all in the name of medication, tak dosa tunjuk aurat, I said to myself. But in actual lebih kepada malu terutama nanti bila nak kena tunjuk perut berbatik aku ...

As I entered the simulation room the radiographer told me that they are going to map my neck. Huh?? I thought its suppose to be the para aortic lymph nodes, did I miss anything during the meeting with the oncologist 2 weeks ago? I asked the radiographer, "Dik, bukan buat kat para aortic ke?" He replied, "Situ pun buat. Doktor kata buat dua tempat leher dan para aortic sekali". Oh OK... Now instead of one, I'll be zapped at two places. Good God, I just hope that my "twiggy" body takes well to this double zapping.

For the neck I had to take off my tudung, but the inner anak tudung tak payah. I was made to lie down still with my head slightly lowered, so that the neck area is well exposed. Terasa mcm orng nak kena pancungpun ada ... Ntah apa-apa tah aku ni kan? Perghh...

As I was wearing a shirt, they have to unbuttoned me to do the mapping. "Minta maaf kak, saya buka butang baju sikit" the radiographer said. I was like, "Suka hati kau lah..." and so the procedure starts, measure sana, measure sini. Lukis line ... teringat aku time aku buat lukisan kejuruteraan di sekolah dulu, mcm gitulah jugak. Fifteen minutes later my neck was done. Now you can see intersecting lines and dots drawn from my neck right down to the chest, which makes me really look like a "saudara of Frankestein".

Then come the stomach area. Again I was asked not to move. This time he said, "Minta maaf kak, saya tarik turun seluar sikit...." Hee.. lantak kaulah dik, in my heart only one thing, "Cepat... cepat..., malunya". You see being single, its not that easy for me to expose my wellkept secret - my bodylah...not that it looked like Jennifer Lopez's but hey..its still my body.., you know.

I'd also never in my entire life imagine that I'll get an illness that needs me to show my "secret bodily" parts to people - male or female. Kalau tunjuk telinga ke, atau tunjuk gigi ke, even tunjuk lubang hidungpun kira orait lagi. But this ... haiya... and having a tummy that has batik design "printed" on it is no consolation either. (Oh lupa, thanks E-Ya for this batik design, Urgghh!) Lagilah embarassed and thinking that I have to live with it my whole life doesn't make it any easier.. Sighhh...

Anyway, everything was settled in about 30 minutes and I was schedule to return to the radiotherapy unit next week, 4th February. If everything is alright, I'll have my session the same day. Wish me luck guys. Till then, Ta ta Ti ti Tu tu ...

Update yg tak berapa up to date

2009-01-26T15:36:00.006+08:00

Haritu 21 January, was my appointment at the radiology unit. I had my x-ray and CT scan done. The appointment was at 8.00 a.m and I was the first to be called in. No sweat, settled in less than 15 minutes. After that we, E-Ya and me i.e, went to the CT scan counter pulak to register.

As usual I was given the contrast liquid to drink but this time it was at 30 minutes interval per cup. I don't know whether its just my taste, but this time the iquid had a slight "orangish" taste. Even the color is yellow. The one that I had earlier at Pusrawi was colorless. This was my second experience, so I had no qualms about it. But there's this one Pakcik whom I believe was his first experience doing CT Scan and thus, not used to the taste said, "Hish, dahlah dia suruh kita puasa, bg pulak air mcm ni. Kalau bagi air kopi kan bagus...". Hahaha...

That pakcik was first to enter, I was second. He took a long time to finish but my session was over in just 30 minutes. I thought I could go back after that, but suddenly one of the nurses came up to me and said that I need to have an ultrasound done. I asked her why do I need an ultrasound, as I remembered the oncologist saying only two procedures, x-ray and CT Scan no ultrasound mentioned. The nurse replied, "Saya tak tahu pulak kak, nanti dekat ultrasound akak tanya doktor ye". Time ni hati dah tak sedap dah.

20 minutes later I was called in by a doctor. As she was preparing me, I asked, "Dr. ada yang tak kena ke?". She replied, " Nak double check je. Td masa CT scan ada nampak something kat hati". She then continued scanning me for several more minutes. As she was scanning me, again I asked, "Apa kena dgn hati saya?"

The Dr replied : " Mmng ada something kat hati ni, tp saya rasa tak ada apa kot. Ni mungkin air sj", and continued with her scanning, but this time not only at the liver area but also the abdomen. When she had finished again I asked, "Cancer dah merebak ke situ ke Dr?". Again the doktor said, "Saya rasa air je ni. Saiznyapun kecil aje 0.3 cm. Tp tak pe lah kena tngok CT scan balik dan kena tunggu apa oncologist kata". Aku time tu tak tahu nak cakap apa dah. I just thanked her and went out the room.

Kat luar bilik E-Ya dah tunggu. Dia duduk atas lantai mcm org mintak sedekah aje rupanya sebab kat situ kebetulan memmg tak de kerusi. Bilik tu sebenarnya depan dia corridor je, tmpt menunggu giliran jauh sikit. As I was a "tangkap muat" punya patient, tu yg tak payah ada nombor tu, terus dapat masuk je.

E-Ya tanya kenapa aku kena buat ultrasound and I told her everything the Dr just said to me. She then said, "Do you think the cancer has spread to your liver?" I simply answered, "I don't know, just hope for the best".

******************************************************************************************************************

22nd January pulak was my appointment at the Gynae-Onco clinic. Sampai-sampai je dah ramai yg menunggu giliran. Aku no: 9, skrng baru dipanggil patient no 1 . Hemm .. lama lg, kata hatiku so akupun duduk di salah satu kerusi yg kosong. Di sebelah kananku seorang makcik yg dah agak berumur jugak orgnya manakala di sebelah kiri adalah sorng perempuan Melayu yg asyik menanda membetulkan kertas kerja student. Aku rasa dia sorng pensyarah sbb aku jeling-jeling gak apa dia buat dan aku nampak logo UKM dan kertas kerja yg dibetulkannya itu kepunyaan "Ummu Something" sedangkan nama dia Rokiah (Dngr masa nurse panggil nama dia). Oleh kerana dia tak berapa nak berkomunikasi ngan aku, akupun diam jelah. Tapi makcik disebelah kanan ku peramah orngnya.

Makcik ni (aku namakan dia makcik A lah ye, sbb lupa tanya nama) dtng dari Ipoh. Dia direferkan oleh hospital di sana utk dptkan rawatn susulan di HUKM ni. Makcik A ni dtng hospital ditemani bukan setakat oleh anak-anak dia tp cucu cicit diapun sekali dtng. Bertuah betul makcik A ni. Separuh org tua tu aku tngok, dahlah jalanpun tak larat, tak de sapa-sapa pulak pun nak temankan.

Setelah makcik A cakap-cakap ngan aku, akupun tanya lah dia sakit apa. Dia kata perut dia rasa sakit, tp taklah berapa kuat. Masa buat CT Scan di Ipoh, doktor kata dalam kawasan peranakan dia ada ketulan. Doktor tak cakap pulak ketulan dia itu bahaya ke tidak, cuma disuruh dtng HUKM je. Dia risau sbb dia takut kalau-kalau dia kena operation nanti. Aku senyum je dngar, sbb aku teringat kat mak aku. Diapun mcm makcik A tu jugak, takut kena operation.

Lepas tu giliran makcik A pulak tanya aku sakit apa. Akupun cakaplah aku cancer, cancer dinding rahim. Muka makcik A agak terkejut aku tngok. Mungkin dia risau sbb aku sakit cancer tp dptkan rawatan di situ sama dgn dia so akupun cepat-cepatlah cakap, " Di sini semua org pompuan yg sakit bahagian peranakan akan dtng kat sini makcik. Saya dah sahlah cancer, tp makcik mungkin sakit lain". Lepastu dia tanya lagi apa tanda-tanda cancer aku tu. Alamak... ni yg payah nak citer ni. Kang aku cakap sakit perut, ada ketulan, dah samalah pulak mcm makcik A punya symptom. Kang tak pasal-pasal panik pulak dia, kata hati aku. Macam mana ni...

Mahu tak mahu aku cakaplah jugak yg aku dulu pun sakit perut jugak tp sakit perut aku kuat sngat sampai adakalanya tak boleh nak jalan asyik baring mengerekot aje. Lepas tu aku juga cakap menses aku pun tak berhenti-henti. Mendengarkan itu mungkin makcik A lega sikit sbb dia tak de pendarahan. Itulah aku cakap ngan dia lain org lain sakitnya. Kalau pasal dia takut operation tu, aku kata kat dia rasanya doktor tak kan buat kalau badan dia tak kuat.

Anak makcik A yg duduk sebelah mendengarkan kami bercerita pun setuju ngan cakap aku. Dia cuba tenteramkan mak dia supaya jgn pikir sngt pasal operation. Anak dia siap komen, "Mak ni asyik risau je nak kena operation. Badanpun dah tambah kurus". Sambil memandang kat aku, " Tengoklah badan mak saya dah kurus, 44 kg je".

Aku gelak, pandang kat dia pastu cakap, " Tu OK lg tu makcik 44 kg, saya 37 kg je." Haa.. ringankan aku? Makcik A yg kecik comeltu pun 7kg lagi berat dr aku. Sejak sakit badan aku turun 2 kg. Akupun heran, makan berselera bahkan appetite lg bagus dr dulu, cuma berat badan tak naik-naik. Sebenarnya sejak dulu lg aku ni mmg jenis susah nak naik berat badan. Ntah gene (atau jin?? Hahaha) apa yg ada dlm badan aku ni...

Dalam kami berborak-borak tu masuk seorang lagi makcik, namanya Makcik Nab. Dia datng sorang je. Masa tu aku tengok dia jalanpun mcm tak kuat, badan mcm nak condong ke depan je. Ingatkan dia lemah atau sakit tp rupanya dia mengantuk! Hahaha.. mana aku tahu? Sebab bila dia duduk kat kerusi, kejap lepastu dia tertido... Tp bila bilik menunggu tu dah agak bising sbb ramai orng, dia terjaga dan diapun mulalah berborak sama ngan aku dan makcik A.

Makcik Nab ni rupanya sakit cancer cerviks. Dia dah kena cancer sejak dia berumur 38 tahun lg dan sekrang ni dia berumur 56 thn. Masa dia kena cancer dulu stage dia ialah II A. Dia dah jalani semua rawatan, pembedahan, chemo dan radioterapi. Sekrang dia dtng utk rawatan susulan sj setiap 6 bulan. Aku kagum betul ngan Makcik Nab sbb dia dah cancer free 18 tahun! Akupun tanyalah dia apa yg buat? Dia kata lepas dia treatment dia makan banyak vitamins sebagai supplement. Pernah pd awalnya dia makan sampai 80 biji satu hari! Tp sekrang dia dah kurangkan dosage sbb badan dah agak kuat. Makan dia tak berapa pantang, cuma dia tak makan daging dan seafood sangat. Gulapun dia hentam je sampai sekrang dia kena kencing manislah pulak..

Aku berminat nak tahu pasal vitamin yg Makcik Nab makan so aku tanyalah dia makan vitamin apa. Dia sebut, "Vitamin cancer". Aii, aku kata dlm hati, "Ada ke vitamin cancer"?. Bila di soal lebih mendalam rupa-rupanya dia makan vitamin keluaran Amway dan vitamin-vitamin yg dia makan tu adalah, vit A, B, C, E, Beta Carotene, Garlic dan satu lg .... dah lupalah pulak... Tapi dngar pengalaman Makcik Nab mmng interesting.

Berbalik pd makcik A tadi. Nombornya 8, so dia masuk dulu dr aku. Bila keluar, rupanya makciktu kena dimasukkan ke wad utk rawatan lanjut. Aku tngok muka dia, mcm dah tension. Kesian betul. Tu dia belum tahu lg tu yg kat wad nanti tak boleh org tunggu dia malam-malam. Hem... Aku cuma sempat salamje ngan makcik A sbb turn aku pulak nak kena masuk.

Aku dan E-Ya masuk. As usual nurse Kismah yg dulu buat Chemo aku yg tak jd tu dah sengih sengih kat aku ngan E-Ya. Sebenarnya nurse Kismah sejak peristiwatu mmng dah baik ngan kami. Kami adalah berjumpa dgn dia beberapa kali utk beb. tujuan spt MC dan surat pengesahan keperluan ubat. Dia persilakan kami masuk.

Aku ingat aku akan berjumpa Dr. Suguna balik, tp rupanya doktor lain. Doktor lelaki. Namanya menurut kata E-Ya ialah Mohd. Razzi Kamaruzzaman. Masa aku disoal jawab oleh doktor, kerja dia mengintai nama doktor ...

Dr. Razzi mula dgn bertanya pd aku apa yg telah dilakukan oleh pihak Onco. Akupun jawablah yg Onco dan Radiologi dah buat radioterapi 10 kali pd aku dan dah selesai pada bulan Disember tahun lalu. Lepas ni aku cakap dia org nak buat pulak radioterapi kat para aortic lymph nodes. Dr. Razzi tanya kenapa Onco tak buat kat leher dulu. Ni yg aku lemah ni. Tanya kat aku buat apa? Aku bukan doktor. Mana le aku tahu kenapa oncologist tu nak fokus kat para aortic lymph nodes dulu tidak kat leher. Kadang-kadang aku terfikir jugak, doktor-doktor lain department ni tak bercommunicate ke antara satu lain utk bincang pasal patient? Bayangkan kes mcm aku yg melibatkan 3 pihak - Gynae-Onco, Onco dan Radiology. Kalau masing-masing langsung tak liason utk tahu apa dan kenapa masing-masing buat sesuatu perawatan, aku ni nanti apa jadinya? Uwahhhh !!!

Cuma aku jawab kat Dr. Razzi, "Entahlah doktor, saya terlupa tanyalah pulak. Dia orgpun tak explain kenapa. Agaknya dia org buat berperingkat-peringkat. Mula-mula pelvic, lepastu naik ke atas ke para aortic, naik ke leher, lepastu kepala pulak..." Aku gurau sebenarnya... Nurse Kismah time tu dah tergelak besar. E-Ya cuba cover malu cakap kat doktor, "Makcik saya mmg macam ni doktor. Jgn dngr cakap dia". Kemudian nurse Kismah pulak cakap, "Yelah.. akak ni first time jumpa dulu ingatkan pendiam orgnya. Masa tu dia duduk hujung sana, saya duduk hujung sini. Senyap aje. Rupa-rupanya klakar orgnya". Dr. Razzi walaupun tak gelak tp senyum-senyum pulak dia aku tengok. Dia kemudian suruh aku berbaring sbb dia nak check pelvis dan abdomen aku.

Korang ingattak kisah perut aku yg telah berparut sbb diletakkan dgn bawang putih dulu tu? Hemm... paruttu tak hilang, masih ada. Masih macam corak batik spt yg aku kata dulu. So masa Dr. Razzi tu check dia terkejut tanya kenapa dgn perut aku. Akupun terpaksalah sekali lg dgn tebal muka explain kat dia itu adalah akibat kerana mendengar petua org tua-tua, letak bawang putih utk kecutkan tumor kanser. Dr. Razzi tanya lg sambil membelek, "Bawang putih?" Aku jawab, "Iye, garlic". Agaknya kagum betul Dr tu tngok perut aku. Dia cakap lg, "Tak sangka pulak saya bawang putih boleh buat kulit jd macam ni" Aku jawap, "Sayapun tak sangka" Sabar je lah... Nurse Kismah yg dah tahu citer dr dulu lg, dah tutup-tutup mulut menahan ketawa.

Seperti yg di jangka Dr Razzipun agak concern bahagian liver aku. Dia ketuk-ketuk utk dngr kelainan bunyi pada bahagian-bahagian di abdomen dan pelvis. Dia kemudian cakap mcm ada something kat liver. Akupun cakaplah dapatan CT Scan dan ultrasound aku semalam. Aku cakaplah yg aku dah awarepun ada something wrong dgn liver aku. Kemudian dia check pulak leher aku, lepas tu dia suruh aku duduk semula di kerusi.

Dia cakap dia tak boleh buat apa sekarang hanya boleh monitor aku aje dulu. Since aku katakan yg aku ada buat X-Ray dan Ct Scan baru, dia kata dia akan tunggu filem-filem tu sebelum dia boleh cakap apa-apa lagi lebih lanjut. Dia kata dia nak jumpa aku balik pada 19 Februari nanti. In the meantime dia suruh aku teruskan saja appointment aku utk radioterapi kali yg kedua tu.

Sebelum balik, dia tanya aku tinggal kat mana, and since dia tahu aku single dia tanya aku tinggal ngan siapa. Aku jawaplah sambil menunjuk ke E-Ya, "Saya duduk dgn dia". E-Ya betulkan keadaan, "Bukan doktor, bukan makcik saya yg duduk dgn saya, tp saya yg duduk ngan dia" Ek eleh... minah ni... nak enterfrem jugak... Tak sama ke, kata hati ku. Dr Razzi tanya lg kalau aku datang treatment, ada org temankan ke atau tidak, siapa hantar dan jemput. Lagi sekali aku tunjukkan ke E-Ya. Dia angguk-angguk kepala, sambil cakap, "Baguslah kalau macam tu". Actually soalan ini jg dulu ada ditanya oleh oncologist. Mungkin mereka takut kalau apa-apa jd pd aku, ada org yg nak menentukan nanti agaknya.

Sebelum aku keluar utk balik tiba-tiba Dr. Razzi cakap, "Ok kita jumpa balik nanti 19 Februari. Ni lepas ni nak letak bawang putih lg ke ni?" Aii, Dr ni nak kena plankong?? Aku tengok muka dia, ingatkan dia perli aku tp rupanya dia cakap tu sambil ketawa. Mungkin dia teringat perut aku yg bercorak batik tadi. Mungkin aku patient pertama dia yg mempunyai perut mcm gitu. One in a million. Hahaha... E-Ya yg jawab, "Tak Dr. lepas ni tak letak kat perut dah, tp nak makan pulak". Aku balas balik, "Haa... yg kat perut tu pun dulu dia lah punya angkara. Semua dia punya pasal". Lepas tu kami semuapun gelak ramai-ramai. Masa aku dah keluarpun aku masih boleh dngr doktor tu dan nurse Kismah tergelak-gelak lg. Sabor je lah...

Tima Kasih !!!

2009-01-20T13:21:00.015+08:00

TERIMA KASIH!!!

Minggu lepas aku pegi sekolah hantar MC. Aku diberi MC oleh doktor sampai 28 Februari 2009. Kali ni MC berjumlah 55 hari, cukup utk include tarikh-tarikh aku akan pegi buat radiotheraphy kali yg kedua nanti. Lepas tu kena dapatkan MC lain. Ia perlu sbb aku rasa lepas ni pun aku akan mnjalani radioterapi lagi tapi utk leher pulak. Risau jugak memikirkan banyak kali juga kena "tembak" dgn bahan radioaktif ni tp apa nak buat. Setakat ini menurut oncologist yg merawat itu aje treatment yg boleh aku terima, so redhakan ajelah.

Hari tu sampai je di sekolah aku terus ke pajabat utk berjumpa kerani sekolah, Kak Jan. Duduk kejap berborak ngan dia kat situ tiba-tiba dah ramai je kawan-kawan aku turut sama di situ bertanyakan khabar. Rata-rata mereka kata aku nampak sihat, macam org tak sakit. Aii maklumlah, dah dekat 3 bulan duduk goyang kaki aje kat rumah, mananya tak sihat??? Hahaha... tapi betul, alhamdullilahlah masa aku pergi sekolah haritu aku memang tak de rasa sakit apa-apa.

Actually masa aku mula tahu aku kena cancer dulu aku tak cakappun ngan kawan-kawan aku. Ntahlah kenapa, aku tak rasa perlupun nak beritahu masa tu. Ada tak ada aku cuma cakap ngan sorang je iaitu Kak Hanim. Akupun ingat lg masa aku kat Pusrawi, aku dikunjungi oleh "org-org besar" sekolah, Pengetua, Pen. Kanan, Pen. Kanan HEM, Pen Kanan Ko-Ko, Ketua-Ketua Bidang yg mmng rata-rata kawan-kawan aku juga. Mereka adalah tanya aku ni sakit apa sebenarnya? All this while dia org ingat aku cuma ada masalah fibroid je. Masatu aku ingat aku jawab tak sure, tp bila aku ckp kat dia orng aku kena tukar hospital sbb Pusrawi tak de perawatan yg aku perlukan, rupa-rupanya dia org dah buat assumption sendiri yg sakit aku adalah lebih serius dr yg dijangka. Utk kepastian dia orgpun tanyalah Kak Hanim dan Kak Hanimpun terpaksalah cakap yg sebenarnya ku dah disahkan cancer.

Apa lagi, sebaik dapat tahu ramailah dtng melawat. Dari cikgunya, kakitangan pejabat, sampailah ke pembantu makmal semua ada dtng melawat. Pernah sekali di HUKM, tak kurang dekat 15 org dtng sekaligus. Riuh satu wad. Almaklumlah cikgu ...

Kalau nak citer pasal reaksi kawan-kawan yg datang melawat ni mcm-mcm sebenarnya. Ada yg datang tanya kita berbagai-bagai soalan. Ada tanya mcm mana keadaan, ada yg tanya mcm mana boleh kena cancer (huh???), ada yg tanya apakah rawatan yg doktor akan lakukan, pendik kata mcm-mcmlah. Tak kurang juga ramai yg memberi kata-kata semangat dan dorongan.

Ada jugak yg dtng tak tanya kita apa-apa...senyap eje...tp matanya pandang kita tak berkelip-kelip. Naik takut jugak aku dibuatnya. Terfikir masa tu dlm hati, "Aii, kenape pandang macam gitu? Aku dah tumbuh satu lg lubang hidung ke?" Hahaha....

Tp dalam ramai-ramaitu aku paling tak boleh terima sorang yg datang sambil peluk, urut belakang dan bisik, "Oh... kesian, kesiannya ..." Apakah??? Aku tahulah maksudnya baik, tp rasa mcm tak kena gaya aje. Cubalah korang tanya mana-mana pesakit, tak payah yg kena cancerpun, apakah jwpn mereka kalau sekiranya ada org kata begitu pd mereka? Besar kemungkinan jwpnnya sama spt mana yg akan aku berikan di bawah ini. (Kalau laintu, minta maaf ajelah ye...)

Pada aku org yang sakit perlukan sokongan, dorongan, kata-kata semangat dsbnya, bukan kata-kata simpati. Ada bezatu. Kata-kata sokongan dan dorongan akan menjana positive vibes buat pesakit, membuatkn dia sentiasa berlapang dada dan berusaha utk memperbaiki keadaannya. Tp simpati sebaliknya. Simpati akan membuatkan psakit merasakan seolah-olah mereka telah awal-awal lg dihukum oleh orng lain yg mereka tidak mempunyai harapan. Ibarat mengatakan pd mereka - "Tiada Esok Bagi Mu" dah..

Kalau aku nak minta simpatipun aku hanya minta simpati dr Allah sj sbb aku tahu padaNya ada segala jawapan dan penawar buat aku. Dia yg telah menentukan perjalanan hidup aku. Aku bersyukur kerana aku salah sorang antara mereka yg terpilih olehNya utk diberi peringatan awal bagaimana dan ke mana aku harus bawa hala tuju hidup aku... Alamak... dah bunyi mcm ustazah bg motivasilah pulak...Ni Kak Azwana kalau baca ni mesti dia cakap, "Aiii... ni Nah ke ni?". Hahaha...

Berbalik pada persoalan di atas drp menunjukkan simpati, aku lg suka kalau ada yg tanya, "Dah berubat ni mcm mana, rambut ada lagi atau dah botak?" atau " Dah kena radioterapi kat uterus, maknanya dah mandullah ni? " atau paling senangpun kalau tak tahu nak buat atau cakap apa, diam dan senyum je kat aku, sudah ... Aku takkan ambik hati punya. Siapa yg kenal rapat ngan aku tahulah aku ni mcm mana. Aku sebenarnya kaki gurau. Bg yg tak rapat aje mereka ingat aku ni jenis yg sombong, tak banyak cakap, muka serius gilerr, kdng-kdng ada sikit mcm "malaikat maut", especially bila time time tak de mood. Siapa yg cakap mcm gini? Aku sendiri cakap lerr...

Walau apapun aku berterima kasih pada semua kawan-kawan yang telah banyak memberi sumbangan material, dan spiritual pada aku. Bunga kat atas tu utk korang semua. TABIKK SPRINGG !!!

Hari aku ke sekolahtu jugak aku didatangi oleh sorang student librarian aku. Bdak ni dulu pernah beberapa kali ternampak aku terjelepok menahan sakit kat meja aku. Dia tanyalah aku sakit apa. Masatu aku cakap je aku sakit perut. Tp aku rasa akhirnya students akupun tahu aku sakit apa. Rupanya dia org pakat ramai-ramai beli kad utk aku. Kad tu entah dah berapa lama dia org simpanpun aku tak tahu. Akupun sejak Oktober tahun lalu tak datang sekolah. So hari tu dia dapat tahu aku ada di sekolah, so cepat-cepat dia cari aku. Selain kad tu ada satu lg gift yg sgt comel diberikan buat aku. Bdak-bdak ni mmg kreatif.

Muka depan kad. Jgn bdak-bdak tu ingat muka aku mcm ni udah...

Bila di buka, ter "toing-toing" menari-nari katak tu ...

Swan ni diperbuat dari kertas yg dilipat-lipat je, tp tngoklah hasilnya ... Cantikkan?

Date Dengan Radiologist

2009-01-15T18:16:00.004+08:00

12th January was my appointment date with the oncologist. E-Ya and me arrived at HUKM on the dot at 10 am. After registering myself at the counter I waited for about 30 minutes before my name was called. As usual E-Ya followed me into the examination room. As I tend to sometimes forget details, so she will be there to act as my backup info storage. Sort of like my external hard disk lah mcm gitu, kata dia. Tapi kadang-kadang dia pulak yg terlebih-lebih teruja, tanya itu ini dgn Dr.

I was introduced to my new oncologist Dr Hayani. She started off with asking how I was to which I answered, “Doing well, TQ”. She then proceeds to ask me questions like, “Do feel any pain now? How’s your bleeding, has it stopped? How’s your appetite? Do you have any problem with your motion passing and urination? Is there any blood in your stools or urine? Is the skin being radiated giving you any problem?”, and so on.

Alhamdullilah, although two or three weeks after radiation I had to endure diarrhea, and fatigue but today as I entered the fifth week, it’s much better. Overall I am fit as a fiddle – but an old fiddle lah...

My bleeding has also stopped and it has been a week since the last. What’s left with me now are back, leg pain and yeah ... the itchiness. Oh God whenlah will this itchiness go?

Even though I followed the advice of the radiotherapist not to apply any ointment, cream, soap or talcum powder to the radiated area, I still find it dry and itchy. Luckily there are no abrasions or burn marks , just that it’s a bit darker than the other areas. However, I do notice my skin is getting a bit drier now and this is causing other parts of my body to itch slightly. I asked the Dr if she can do anything about this, but she said if she prescribed any medication it would either be some cream that contains a steroid or something that would make my skin even drier. Thus she advised me to just wash and bathe using water diluted with salt, a practice which I had actually done several times at home.

On top of that, to eradicate dryness I am also “learning” to consume a lot water now.. err.. before this I don’t think I had the proper 8 glasses per day dosagelah.. Mana taknya... sometime nak minum atau nak makanpun boleh terlupa... Yes, believe it or not, if I’m too engrossed with work I sometime forget to eat and I can be without food for hours. Tak human btullah aku ni...

Now, every morning I make sure I take my Prosure drink added with nestum or cornflakes together with either bread/biscuits/beehoon whatever is available. Kalau boring dgn Prosure I’ll have my strawberry flavored Ensure. Both drinks contained Omega 3 fatty acids (can also get it from cold-water fish) that is not only good for the heart but also inhibits cancer tumors. At least twice a day, I’d normally go for green tea added with a spoonful of honey and mint leaves. I am also trying hard to add variety and build up my vegetables intake. Before this I only go for leeks, asparagus and broccoli, but now cabbages, spinach, carrots - anything green or leafylah, I’ll try it. The word here is to go for veggies and fruits that are rich in phytochemicals. Surfing the net got me to know that such veggies and fruits are those rich in colors. Anything that is red, green, yellow and orange – go for it. Cuba jangan tak cuba kata org.

I also noticed that now I have to be more careful with my food intake. Before this I was a seafood diehard fan but now makan sikit seafood je badan dah gatal.. Uwah...! Betul, masa our BBQ tu kan aku hentam seafood? Esoknya badan gatal ssngt. Lg satu kalau makan makanan yg ada banyak letak MSG kepala aku boleh pening sikit. Pulak dah... Dulu berkilo-kilo MSG dah makanpun tak de apa-apa... sekarang pulak tak boleh. So off or slow down je (hehehe) with all the KFC, McD, Burger King and seangkatan dgnnya ... and what about my noodle eating crave? Ni lagilah doubly Uwah ... uwah ...! Dulu hari-hari aku makan noodles, nasi tak jumpapun tak pe, tp jgn noodles. I must have noodles at least once a day. Sekarang kalau makan boleh kembong perut...! Bagus tak bagus??? For example, just the other day E-Ya, Fizah and me stopped by to eat at this “Nasi Lemak Antarabangsa” restaurant near our house. They both had nasi lemak while I had curry mee. My God, masa makan tak pandang kiri kanan tp bila balik rumah, tersandar kat kerusi mcm buaya kenyang sebab perut rasa senak dengan angin. I quickly took my green tea and alhamdullilah, an hour later I was ok. Hey... I cuma burp kat atas, tak burp kat bawah, ok... so skrang kalau nak makan mee kenalah fikir berkali-kali nampaknya.

I just don’t understand why food that I used to consume before I was sick, is giving me problem now. Tp tak kisahlah. Most importantly I can still eat other things. Thus, my sickness is actually something like “a blessing in disguise” as it teaches me to now take more care of my diet and lifestyle.

Oh my... look at me. I’ve strayed from my original intention of relating what happened in the Dr’s room to something else. I’m good at this, ya? Hehehe...

Ok, where were we? Let me see.., I’ve done the part on the itchiness. Oh yes.. now, the back and leg pain. As anticipated the Dr said the pain is normal, its indeed part of the side effects of radiation therapy. If the pain is not too intense just bear with it. If not, taking pain killers would be fine. But she recommends taking low dosage pain killers first before going for higher ones.

With all pleminary questions settled she then asked me to lie down on the examination bed so that she can do a pelvic check on me. She seems satisfied as she found the pelvis is soft to touch. Before, it was a bit hardened especially at the location where the tumor was. Checking both my armpits also revealed that the area is lump free. It’s the neck that is still a problem...

Funny as it may sound, the cancer on the neck is also called endometrial cancer. This is because it is a metastasized tumor from the endometrium. In my earlier appointment with my previous oncologist I was told for the cancer to spread up to the neck, it has to go through my para aortic lymph nodes. Thus, logically this area has also been affected with cancer. The para aortic lymph nodes are located near the stomach. The oncologist did not carry out radiation on all three areas – pelvis, stomach and neck, as the area to be radiated would be too large and that is something unwise to do.

When asked what the next step in my treatment is, the Dr suggested that I try chemo. I mentioned to her about my failed chemo and she said if they do chemo for me now it would be a different drug and they’ll do it 3 cycles first. And guess what? She even mentioned to me that I should not have had the earlier chemo in the first place. She explained at that time I was still bleeding, so chemo shouldn’t have been administered at all. That’s why it failed. But now since my bleeding has subsided, that’s why she is thinking of giving me back chemo.

E-Ya asked the Dr if it is possible that I undergo surgery to remove the tumor altogether. After all earlier visits with the Dr at Gynae-Onco suggested that I will undergo all three treatments - radiation, chemotherapy and surgery. I remembered being told at that time surgery will take place once the tumor has shrunk.

Dr. Hayani explained if the Drs thought that I can be operated, they would have done that in the first place. Now since I started my treatment with radiotherapy all the veins, lymph nodes and others are in a mess inside my pelvis due to the intense radiation. In a mess, meaning some tend to be infused with each other thus it would be very difficult for the surgeon to separate which is which during operation. Hence that would be a problem that is too risky to take. Sounds spooky, huh? At that point of time aku dah imagined my veins and lymph nodes looking like mashed, soggy noodles ...

From that explanation I now come to a conclusion that my case is now a case of an inoperable cancer. What does that mean? I will do a separate write up on inoperable cancer in my next entry, insyaalah. If I include it in this entry then it’ll be like writing a journallah pulak... panjannnngggg bangat!

Dr Hayani nevertheless added whatever the decision is, it will be based on her discussion with her superior the oncologist specialist, Prof Fuad. With that she left the room to go see the Prof who was just a few doors away. I was left with E-Ya in the room.

E-Ya looked at me and said, “Acik, patutlah bila Acik kena discharged lepas chemo tu tak sapapun dr Gynae-Onco datang explain kenapa situation Acik jd mcm tu, dia org takutlah tu sbb dia org dah buat salah. Ni kalau dekat the West ni dah boleh saman dah ni”. Ke situ pulak bdak ni...

Aku: ”Alah... syukur jelah Acik masa tu cepat developed side reactions. Kalau ditakdirkan lg lama chemo tu berjalan, ntah apa jadi ntah? Tapi jgn cakap ngan Ucu (my bro) nanti Ucu sure mengamuk punyalah”. Definitely, dahlah masa aku duduk lama kat ward tak buat apa-apa tu dia dah pissed off, lepas tu dngar pulak mesin radiotherapy rosak, lagi dia geram and now this.. kalau info ni dapat kat dia, hemm.. alamat ada yg kena kang...

15 minutes later Dr. Hayani came back into the room. Behind her was Prof Fuad. Prof Fuad asked me to again lie down on the examination bed as he himself now wants to check my pelvic and stomach area. After 3 or 4 minutes of tekan sana, tekan sini he then asked me to sit up as he wants to check my neck pulak. Then both of them converse in English about what they want to do with me.

Naturally, during their conversation itself I already know what the next treatment is going to be. The deal is like this:

Since I’m inoperable and since they see that radiation works well with me they are going to continue with radiotherapy, but this time it’s for the para aortic lymph nodes. For that they have to re-stage my condition. Re-stage means that I have to have a new chest X-Ray and CT Scan. So I am given appointment for both procedures on the 21st January at 8.30 am. The next day, 22nd I’ll have my appointment with the gynae-onco Dr. I have yet to hear their side of the story but I think after what had happened, they’d probably just go along with the oncologist’s suggestion.

Then come 29th January I’ll have my simulation at the radiotherapy unit. Hopefully one week after i.e early February, I’ll start my first, out of 10 sessions of radiotherapy. Actually this time around, the radiotherapy frets me. Radiation to the stomach area gives more side effects like nausea, vomit, appetite loss, fatigue and epigastralgia. Epigastralgia includes feeling of burning, cramps, heaviness, painful hunger, something similar to a person who has gastric. Meaning I will most probably feel like I used to feel before I went for treatment. This really bothers me as I can still recall how agonizing that was. I am thus, praying for that not to happen.

Upon completion of all that, ehem... ehem... if all goes well, early March Insyaalah E-Ya, Fizah and me will be off holidaying to Penang and Langkawi (jerrr...) We’ll be away for 5 days. Accommodation for this is free because of that Carrefour lucky draw win, remember? We have to go before 11 March 2009 or the vouchers will be void. Tu yang TERPAKSA pergi holiday tu... hehehe

Oh, Oh ... guess who just entered the room? No lah.. Its not Angelina Jolie lah.. Its Jessica Alba wannabe aka E-Ya lah siapa lagi... (Dey... in your dreams lah you Jessica Alba... uwekkks!)

As expected dia start dah membebel kat aku, “Hee... Acik ni tak de keje lain asyik tulis blog je...” I turned to her and asked, “Well, what do you expect me to do then?” Sebenarnya dia jeles tu, mcmlah Acik dia ni tak tahu ...

“Pergilah mencangkul ke” she replied. Tak de modal de lah tu...

“Cangkul apa? Kepala kau?” jawab aku. Hahaha ... yelah rumah aku rumah teres tanahpun dah tak de sbb semua kwasan dah ditileskan. Nak cangkul apa? Sebelah rumah akutu adalah taman permainan tapi takkanlah aku nak pergi mengcangkul kat situ pulak? Tak patut, tak patut ...

Oklah bdak ni dah nak start mengacau aku dah ni. Kang kejap lagi startlah dia suruh aku duduk memonggok dengar dia berceritalah, mengadap temankan dia makanlah, duduk sekali kat bawah tengok TV ngan dialah... bla bla bla... so aku pun ingat aku terpaksa blahlah. Cherioos!

E-Ya kena loteri

2009-01-09T13:45:00.001+08:00

Baik punya nasib si Eya tahun ni. Tahun 2009 belumpun masuk 2 minggu, tp dia dah kena loteri. Bukan satu, bukan dua tapi TIGA!!! Aii... ini bukan loteri mcm TOTO tu lerr, ni lagi baik punya. Begini alkisahnya...

Loteri yang pertama. Trillion thanks harus ditujukan kpd bosom buddynya si bdak Sha yg keje di Melaka tu. Si Sha ni ntah mimpi apa tiba-tiba cakap ngan E-Ya yg dia nak belanja kami sekeluarga makan satay... Yum, yum! Katanya pd E-Ya, order je, resit nanti bg kat dia. Wah... ini sudah bagus. Moga Allah SWT panjangkan usia, dan murahkan rezki bdak Sha ni...err when's the next treat?? Hihihi...

Loteri kedua pulak ada sangkut paut ngan BBQ kami minggu lepas. Masa kami beli barang-barang nak buat BBQ, total bilnya adalah dekat RM 200 lebih. Rupa-rupanya Carrefour time tu ada buat lucky draw. Hadiah pertamanya ialah percutian di Palace of The Golden Horses. Tinggal 3 hari 2 malam kot kat suite mahal dia and lots of other prizes. Actually kami tak ambil pusing pun pasal lucky draw ni, so masa cashier tu cakap resit ni pergi ke Customer Service utk collect hadiah, itu je pun mmg tujuan kami - utk collect hadiah sbb beli brang over RM 100.

Sampai kat counter tu E-Yapun tunjukkan resit pembelian dan pompuan kat counter pun serahkanlah hadiahnya pada kami. Hadiah apa? Alah... satu table mat, siap ada gambar buah oren lg, courtesy of F&N beverage... Sheeesh... ingatkan apalah.. Tapi sebelum E-Ya beredar, pompuan kat counter tu ada serah kat dia satu borang utk diisi. Kata pompuan tu utk lucky draw. So E-Yapun isilah particulars dia kat borang tu dan lepas tu pegi kat counter sebelah utk masukkkan kat dalam kotak. That was it, we completely forgot about the lucky draw until a few days later.

One morning Teusday if I'm not mistaken, E-Ya received a called from a lady who introduced herself as "Cik Juliana" from the Palace of the Golden Horses. Ehhh.. hold your horses dulu... E-Ya tak menang first prize, tp dia menang consolation prize. Hadiahnya not bad - pelbagai gift vouchers utk boat ride kat tasik the Mines, health Spa, percutian to beberapa destinations dan ada lg yg kami tak ingat. Oklah jugak kan? Tp sebelum boleh dpt vouchers tu E-Ya has to bawa family (maknanya aku lerr tu ... mana ada family lain, tsk, tsk...) buat tour kat Palace of the Golden Horses dulu, free of charge. Masa tour tu nanti, kami akan diperlihat dan diterangkan apakah services dan segala cikadak yg hotel tu ada, but we are not under any obligation to pay anything, or subjected to make any stay reservation over there. The tour will take about 45 minutes after which, we will be treated to tea. We all dah set date 11 January ni utk pergi, pukul 3 petang.

Tiba-tiba baru terfikir, eh ni hari Mawi kahwin kat situ daa...Tak kisahlah kan. Mana tahu, nasib baik dapat jumpa Mawi kat situ... mesti si E-Ya teruja punya.. hua hua hua...dah lah hari tu masa kami pegi Alpha Angle Wangsa Maju tiba-tiba si E-Ya buat aku terkejut. TIba-tiba aje dia tarik tangan aku cakap, "Acik, acik, tengok tu, Mawi.."

Aku ni taklah boleh mcm pengsan kalau tngok si Mawi tu. Tp aku cakaplah juga, "Mana"? Aku sempat jeling je kat sorang mamat yg dimaksudkan oleh E-Ya tu. Nak tau apa sebenarnya? Rupa-rupanya mamat ni adalah sikit mcm Mawi, especially kalau pndang dr tepi. Tp Mawi gemuk sikit, mamat ni kurus mcm Mawi mula-mula masuk AF dulu aje rupanyer. Kebetulan mamat ni jalan ngan makwe dia jd tak le kami pandang lama-lama. Nanti kena jelingan maut susah pulak. Cuma aku cakap kat E-Ya, "Ehh, apa dah kau? Langsung tak macam Mawi laa. Lagipun apa kejadahnya si Mawi nak buat datang kat sini, dia tngh rehearsal mcm mana nak jalan kat Palace of The Golden Horses tu utk majlis kahwin dia laa.."

E-Ya jwb, "Mana tahu.. kot kot dia nak shopping kat sini. Tp bila Ya nampak pompuan yg dgn dia tu gemuk, baru Ya tahu sahlah mamat tu bukan Mawi sbb Ekin kurus, tak gemuk mcm pompuan tu".

"Pandailah kau. Dngr pompuan tu baru tahu. Dah cepat jalan, Acik nak beli buah limau ni" kata aku. So kami pun continue dgn shopping kami. Bila dah selesai, kami pun berjalan kat Food Court. Tiba-tiba aku teringin plak nak makan Yong Tau Fu. So E-Ya kata oklah dia akan duduk kat one of the tables tunggu aku. Kebetulan ada satu meja actually dah dioccupied oleh satu couple ni, tp meja mereka bercantum ngan satu lg meja yg kosong tak de org. Akupun cakap ngan E-Ya duduk jelah kat meja kosong tu tunggu aku. Selesai aku beli Yong Tau Fu akupun signal kat E-Ya, "Jom balik"

Si E-Ya lg sekali terexcited. Rupa-rupanya couple yg duduk kat meja td adalah mamat "Mawi" tu ngan girlfriend dia! Diapun cakap, "Acik, betul sebijik mcm Mawi". Hishhh! Lantak kaulah...

Loteri E-Ya yg ketiga. Ini lg bagus.. Dah bertahun kami beli lauk utk makan tengahhari. Yelah sapa nak masak kat rumah ni? Takkan bapak atau mak aku yg dah tua tu? Bahaya...dahlah bapak aku asyik lupa je nak tutup gas. So kami dah larang dia masak. Cuma weekends aje kami masak, itupun kadang kadang.

Dulu sebelum aku sakit, aku balik kerja lambat so biasanya tengahhari E-Ya akan balik umah lepas kelas dia utk beli lauk buat mak dan bapak aku. Dia selalunya beli lauk kat satu kedai makcik dekat food court Danau Kota. Dah lama jugaklah dia beli lauk kat situ sampai semua pekerja kedai termasuk makcik tokey kedai dah kenal dia. Baru-baru ni, mcm dua minggu lepas gitu, tiba-tiba makcik tokey kedai nak berborak panjang pulak ngan E-Ya. Kata E-Ya macam-macam dia tanya.

Mula-mula dia tanya, "Adik, kau ni berapa umur?". E-Ya jawab, "23 tahun".

Makcik : "Ohh dah 23, laa... makcik ingatkan awak ni baru belas-belas tahun gitu" Rupanya makcik tu ingat E-Ya ni bdak-bdak lg sbb yelah, badan E-Ya mmg species "ketot" sikit.

Makcik sambung lagi, "Awak ni beli lauk utk atuk dan nenek awak ye? Awak tinggal ngan atuk dan nenek kan? Bagus awak jaga atuk ngan nenek awak. Muda muda lg dah boleh pukul tanggung jawab. Anak makcik dah 25 tahun dah tp, tak boleh buat apa pun. Ke hulu ke hilir dgn motor, lepas tu kerjanya asyik kena tipu ngan pompuan aje... Ni pun baru frust kena tinggal girlfren". E-Ya kata masa tu dia senyum aje.

Biasanya kami beli lauk 3 jenis paling murahpun harganya RM 10 gitu gitu. Tp hari tu E-Ya balik umah tersengih dan suruh aku teka berapa harga lauk yg dibelinya. Dia beli ayam, sayur pecal, ikan pari bakar dan gulai ikan. Aku cakaplah macam biasa, "RM 12?". E-Ya cakap, "Tak... Acik mesti tak percaya, semua ni RM 6 jerr". Bila aku tanya mcm mana boleh murah mcm tu, haa masa tu lah dia citer perbualan dia ngan makcik tu kat aku. Masa tu aku cuma jwb, "itu ada makna tu..."

Esok-esoknya kalau makcik tu ada kat kedai, siaplah E-Ya... mesti diajaknya berborak. Ada je benda nak tanya. Ada je benda nak tahu.

Makcik : "Awak tak keja hari ni dik?"

E-Ya : "Saya keja petang makcik". Aku cakap ngan E-Ya, makcik tu tak tanya ke kau keja apa petang-petang? Jangan dia ingat kau keja jd "cikgu masak memasak" atau keja kat "Silver Tortoise Cabaret" sudah...

E-Ya ni sebenarnya keja dia ialah private tutor. So that's whylah dia keja petang. Dia hanya boleh start keja bila students dia dah balik sekolah. Nasib baik jugaklah waktu keja dia mcm gitu. Sebab dia boleh allocatekan time sebelah pg utk bawa aku gi hospital bila aku ada appointment. Ada masa utk uruskan makan minum atuk dan nenek dia dan mcm mcm lg.

Berbalik pd citer E-Ya dan makcik td. Si E-Ya ni kan aku pernah cakap dia ni org tua-tua mudah suka ngan dia. Apa lg... so semalam utk dua lauk harga cuma 4 hinggit, hari ni empat lauk hanya 6 hinggit. Ini sudah bagus... jimat duit...

Tapi hari ni special, hari ni ada ada extra. Hari ni anak makcik ada sama....Kuang kuang kuang... Siap makcik promote lagi, "Tu la anak makcik tu ...". Ekekekeke.... Kau pandang aku, aku pandang kau... waduh waduh!

Apa E-Ya buat? Buat bodo je, kata nya... Yelah..., nak tenggelam satu pulau Okinawa nanti? Dilanda puting beliung Aizato - malapetaka lg hebat dr Tsunami .. hahahaha...!

Ketinggalan Keretapi ... Selamat Tahun Baru ...

2009-01-06T12:11:00.014+08:00

Happy New Year 2009 !!! Ahlan 1430 Hijrah !!!!

Sabar... sabar... aku belum sewel lagi... Aku tahulah 2009 dan Maal Hijrah tu dah lama berlalu, tp aku nak wish jugak jugak hari ni, w/pun dah terlambat. Pada hari dan waktu tarikh-tarikh tu benar-benar berlaku, I did not give it a heed pun. Tp tiba-tiba hari ni teruja plak nak jerit ... "Selamat Tahun Baru dan Selamat menyambut 1430 Hijrah...." Eii ... suka hati akulah kan, kan?? Tak de rules pun yg menyatakan tak bleh ucap tahun baru atau Maal Hijrah dah lebih seminggu ianya berlalu, kan, kan??? Takkan ada polis nak tangkap aku pulak kan, kan?? Eh.. apa daa aku mula merepek ni kan, kan???

Sepanjang minggu lepas, rata-rata blog yg aku surf akan menceritakan ttng azam-azam baru yg bakal dibuat dan diaspirasikan utk tahun 1430H atau 2009 nanti. Ada yg akan menyambung azam tahun lepas yg tak tertunai dan tak kurang pula sudah merangka azam baru yg bakal ditunaikan. Macam-macam azam yg aku baca, ada yg berazam nak spend more time with family and friends, ada yg nak upgrade themselves mentally and spiritually, bla bla ... dan ada juga yg berazam nak pegi melawat semua Muzium di Melaka ... kagum aku... (jgn marah haaa...)

Me?? Err ... what resolutions?? He .. he ... I've never been a "resolution" kindda person and I don't think I will ever be one. You see, I'm the type of person yg selalunya "hentam sajalah" ... whatever will be, will be... teruk kan? Well, actually resolutions tu tak buatlah, tp plans tu maybe ada. Lain tau resolutions and plans. Tak cayo gi tngok dictionary. For example this 2009, I have a couple of plans made out but I'm not going to tell you guys what they are. Nanti ada yg tergelak atau tak cayo pulak akan plans aku tu nanti...

So, for the past week I've not been able to do anything much, except for just resting at home. You see, I have this aching waist that's been bothering me this few days, making my movement agonizing sometimes. But dalam sakit-sakit pinggang tu sempat gak ke Carrefour dua kali... Abih cam no..???

Kenapa gi Carrefour sampai dua kali? Well, beli brang-brang nak buat BBQ. Ni semua E-Yalah punya pandai. Ntah mana dia dapat ilham tiba-tiba minggu lepas, out of nowhere tiba-tiba terkeluar dr mulut dia cakap ngan adik ipar aku, " Mak Usu, apa kata minggu depan kita buat BBQ?".

Adik ipar akutu on je, anak-anak dia yg empat org tu pun apa lg.., melompat-lompat "Yeah, yeah !!! Nak, nak....!" And everthing after that was like hell break loose with one shouting "Nak masak ayam". Another, "Nak udang dan ketam" Another pulak, "Nak bawang ..." Haa... nak bawang??? Biaq pi lah kata aku, sekurang-kurangnya bawang lagi murah dr ayam, ketam udang atau sotong ... Hahaha...

So diputuskan that day we were going to have a family BBQ on Saturday, 3 January. Menu dia mcm mcm ada ... Udang, ketam, sotong, lamb, ayam, ikan, dan frankfurter. Manakala sayur-sayur pulak spt capsicum, cendawan butang, zuchinni, bawang, baby carrot dan terung. Buah-buahannya anggur dan limau ketot-ketot tu. Punyalah banyak. Mulanya takut jugak tak habis, tp rupa-rupanya LICINNNN!!!

Actually aku nak gak postkan gambar masa BBQ di sini tp dah kena tarik rambut dah ngan E-Ya, dia kata, "Alah Acik ni... Ya nak tulis pasal BBQ tu dlm blog Ya. Acik jgn lah upload kat blog Acik pulak.."

Tak pelah... aku beralah le... kesian ke dia. Sejak sejak blog dia tak dapat sambutan (ekekeke...) aku sanggup berkorban... So kalau korang nak keterangan lebih lanjut ttng BBQ kami ni atau nak belajar mcm mana nak meng"gorganize" BBQ lain kali korang pegilah surf blog si E-Ya kat sini.. (hopefully dia dah update lerrr). Kat situ nanti sure ada mouthwatering punya pictures.

Tp nak ngadu lah sikit kat sini... W/pun menunya semua best-best tp aku tak leh makan sngt. Aku kan kena banyak pantang. Sebenarnya kalau ikutkan seafood langsung tak diberi mkn oleh doktor sbb cholestrol aku agak tinggi. Tambah-tambah masak cara BBQ. Lagi le a BIG NO NO. Tp tawakal je. Sempat lah aku rembat udang tiga cucuk, sotong dua cucuk, ketam separuh ekor ... sebelum aku ditegur, "Eh... bukan Acik tak boleh makan sea food ke???" Kuang kuang kuang.... Patah selera betullah dia org ni.... So after that it was just the vegies for me ... example of which is like the one pictured below... Sighhhh !

Aku makan jagung berdisiplin kan? Elok je gigitannya straightline je...

Have You Ever

2008-12-29T14:45:00.057+08:00

... wondered how you all will turn up when you all semua dah grown up? No idea? Have no fear, for the teacher yg tngh dok tak de keje is here. Allow me to teach you all another lesson in life. The lesson is called, "How you can tell what a child will turn up to be when he/she grows up by just looking at their childhood photos". Fulamak sikit punya panjang tajuk dia daa ...

To illustrate what the above topic means, I need photos. At first I wanted to simply take photos of children from the net aje, but then I was afraid that the issue of copyright would cause a stir. Thus, I decided to instead use photos of my nieces and nephews as my "alat bantu mengajar". At least I know they will not sue me for publishing their childhood photos.

Cuba korang sue Acik kau ni kalau berani!

Ok without further adieu, let us begin our lesson for today

Type No 1 : "The Kaki Stylo"

If your child dari kecik-kecik lagi dah suka tangkap gambar begini, tak kisahlah kalau dia posing mcm Pak Lebai ke,

Ataupun dia posing ala-ala pelakon Bollywood ke ... maknanya

bila dah besar nanti dia akan menjd seorng yg memang suka bergaya punyalah. Dia akan bergaya setiap masa dan ketika, tak kira di mana. Punyalah dia nak menjg stylonya itu hinggakan sampai nak pegi buang sampahpun ada masanya dia mengenakan kasut high heels dan speck mata hitam ... Dashyat tak dashyat ...

Type No 2 : "The Entertainer"

Yg ini sekali pandang mcm yg kat atas. Tp ada jauh bezanya. Jenis yg ini, kalau disuruh posing dia akan melentok liuk badan dia, siap dgn tangan dan kaki bergerak ke kiri, bergerak ke kanan, lepas tu ke depan, ke belakang, bergelek-gelek - tak ubah mcm Mulan yg nyanyi lagu "Makhluk Tuhan paling Seksi" tu. Lembut dan natural aje. Type yg no 1 tu kalau disuruh buat mcm yg type no 2 buat, hancusss ...kaku kejong mcm kayu aje. Jd disitulah bezanya.

Bila Type no 2 ni besar nanti, memang sah dia akan cenderung dalam bidang seni. Dia mungkin berbakat dalam satu atau lebih bidang seni spt nyanyian, tarian, lakonan atau paling tidakpun bangsawan. Dia juga bkebolehan melukis dengan kreatif. Bila menulis pula bahasa yg digunakan berbunga-bunga, jiwang karat kata org, berkias-kias yg kadang-kadang org lain tak paham, hanya dia aje yg paham...

Type No 3 : "The Cheeky Boom Boom Chick"

Kalau anak perempuan suka bergambar begini,

atau begini,

maknanya bila besar nanti dia akan menjd seorng yg sngat suka berkawan. Dia berkawan tak kira dgn siapa dan tak kira pada kedudukan.. Makcik, pakcik, tokcik, nenekcik, cucucik ... semua boleh kawan dgn dialah. Org-org besar dalam Malaysia tak payah cakap. Raja, menteri, anak-anak raja, anak menteri semua dia tahu dan cukup kenal. Malah Presiden Amerika Barrack Obamapun dia tahu dan kenal baik ... cuma org-org tu aje yg tak kenal ke dia.

Tp kesian, kadang kala mereka ni selalu disalah ngertikan sebagai "cheeky chicks" kerana kebetulan kawan lelakinya lebih ramai berbanding kawan pompuan. Tp motto mereka biasanya adalah "berkawan biar seribu, berkasih biarlah satu"... eh betul ke ni? Atau terbalik? Tak kisahlah tu ... So sapa yg nak bergirlfriend dgn pompuan mcm ni kenalah banyak bersabar kerana kadang-kdang perangai dia org ni, masyaallah.. sabar je laaa...

Type No 4 : "The Rock"

Tengok pandangan 'blank' nya, dgn mata sedikit terbeliak, dan muka seriousnya serta bodynya yg rigid itu. Sekali pandang mcm karektor dlm filem Indon, "Sister Ngesot". Hui.. jenis yg tak boleh buat main ni. Dia ni jenis yg ada kepala angin sikit. Time dia tak ada mood, korang cakap lah apapun ngan dia, dia boleh buat tak dngar je. Kadang-kadang kalau org sekeliling punyalah kepoh dan kecoh dia boleh buat "dek" aje. Tak kisah tahap gaban betul.

Ini jenis yg kalau bom meletup sebelah diapun, dia boleh tak sedar. Betul...tak tipu punya.

Type No 5 : "Main-main tp Menjadi"

Jenis yg ke 5 ni biasanya masa kecik akan buat kepala kita pening. Dia selalu membuatkan kita berfikir, "Jd org tak bdak ni bila dah besar nanti". Ni disbbkan bdak yg begini suka main-main masa keciknya. Suka main dan ada je benda-benda di luar jangkaan yg dibuatnya. Sebagai contoh - Utk mencari duit belanja lebih, dia sanggup menjual seluar keciknya (spender le) kpd kawan-kawan. kalau yg baru tak pelah jugak, tp ni yg dah dipakai... dan yg lebih menghairankan ada pulak yg sanggup membeli tu...

Tp bila dah besar nanti, bdak begini biasanya akan jd terbalik dr apa yg dia pamirkan masa keciknya. Dia akan tiba-tiba menjd seorg yg matang, berfikiran jauh - sehinggakan anda terkejut dan berkata, "Anak aku ke tu?".

So kalau anak anda masa keciknya bg posing mcm ginipun tak pe... mana tahu, kalau yg kat atas tu dah berjaya jd engineer kat syarikat petroleum, tak mustahil yg inipun satu hari nanti bakal jd engineer jugak. Engineer lori ... Kenapa lori? Sebab dia mmg suka main dgn lori, nak buat mcmmana? Tak kisahlah, asalkan menjadi...

Type No 6 : The "Financial Controller" atau

" Financial Out of Control"

Kalau anak anda masa keciknya tangkap gambar suka pegang tabung duit, maknanya bila besar nanti dia akan jd seorg yg sangat berjimat cermat dlm pengurusan kewangannya. Semuanya dibelanjakan ikut kemampuan budget. Pendik kata dia hanya membeli ikut keperluan, bukan kemahuan.

Lain pulak citernya kalau dia pegang tabung tp di depannya dah tkeluar pulak semua duit dlm tabung... Ini mcm kalu, bererti dia mmglah suka simpan duit tp kalau sekali pegi shopping, dia bertukar jd mcm penyamun dlm citer "Nujum Pak Belalng tu". Apa itu ... alah yg dialognya begini tu laa ... " Wahh... haaa... aku ambik ni, engkau tengok itu... engkau tengok itu, aku ambik ini... aku ambik ini, engkau tngok itu.... engkau tngok itu, aku ambik ini...". Wah ... bukan main byk dia mgambik, kita ni kerjenya mnengok aje...

Type No 7 : Si "Mata Keranjang"

Tengok kalau dah kecik-kecik lg dah posing dgn mata terkenyit, haa ... itu tandanya dah besar nanti ada potensi jd kasanova/kasanovi. Jenis yg agak bahaya jugak ni ...

Tp kadang-kadang boleh silap jugak. Kalau dah besar dia tak langsung mnunjukkan tanda-tanda seorg kasanova/kasanovi, maknanya masa dia kecik-kecik lg tu dia dah ada tanda-tanda akan menjd org dewasa yg mata rabun lerr ...

Type No 8 : "Selamba... Blasah je"

Kalau anak anda mpamerkan tingkahlaku mcm contoh gambar ni, tak malu dah besar tp masih nak nyonyot botol susu, sampaikan setiap kali balik sekolah nyorok belakang pintu isap botol susu... heee...maknanya, dia akan menjd seorg dewasa yg tak tahu nak cover-cover.

Sikap selamba dan blasahnya kadang-kadang ada jugak positifnya tu. Ini kerana secara tak langsung dia menjd seorng yg confident. Suruhlah buat apapun. Semuanya confident. Wlaupun dia tak tahu, dia confident je buat-buat mcm dia tahu.

Type No 9 : Si "Happy Go Lucky"

Si "Happy Go Lucky" ni memiliki sikap humor semula jadi dalam diri dan sentiasa bersikap menghiburkan dan ceria. Terkenal dgn hobinya yg suka buat lawak bodo lg tak masuk akal, dia tak kisah kalau masa dia buat kelakar hanya dia sorang je yg gelak. Kata-kata favorite yg biasa digunakannya adalah spt "Bye, I pass away ..," atau " Atuk, I love youuuu... taking care ..." (Mcmlah atuk dia paham pun...)

Satu lg, biasanya org begini juga adalah seorng yg easy going dan tak suka bebankan diri dgn masalah-masalah yg boleh memeningkan kepala. Jd awas. Jgn bg dia serabut. Ini kerana bila serabut nanti, muka dia yg happy boleh tukar jd grumpy...

Type No 10 : "Si Mulut Murai"

Kalau anak anda memberikan pose mulut ternganga begini setiap kali gambarnya di ambil, sahlah dia seorang mulut murai. Kadang-kadang dia di panggil juga dgn gelaran si "mak nenek" oleh org. Tak tahu lah dari mana dia dapat energy, si mulut murai ni kerjanya asyik nak bercakap dan bercerita aje - dr kecik sampailah ke besar.

Tengok gambarnya dgn mulut terlopong, terbuka luas tu - dia memang tak reti nak tutup mulut dan berhenti bercakap. Ada aje benda yg nak dicakapnya pasal itulah, pasal inilah. Kadang-kadang pendengarnya dah tertidopun dia masih bercakap lg. Hemm... tak dapek den nak nolong nyer...

Type No 11 : The "Rebel"

Memberikan pose berpeluk tubuh sambil mencebik masa kecik menggambarkan bahawa dia adalah seorg pemberontak bila dah besar nanti. Kalau kita kata jgn buat, sebaliknya itulah yg dia kan buat. Contohnya kita dah cakap ngan dia kalau nak jaga kesihatan senang aje, gi exercise dan jaga makan tak yah nak buang-buang duit pegi spa, tp dia memberontak... ke spa tu jugaklah yg dia pegi. Hishhh...

Selain itu, dia jg mempunyai sikap yg suka berterus terang dan selalu akan menyuarakan pendapat sekiranya dia rasa ada sesuatu yg tak kena atau tak berkenan di matanya secara depan-depan. Ni yg kadang-kadang buat org sedikit ada bengang dgn dia, terutama org yg tak boleh terima style dia yg mcm itu.

Terkenal dgn suka ber"debat" dia selalunya akan berdebat untuk menang. Tapi kalau ada masa-masa yg dia rasa-rasa mcm dia tak boleh menang, nak tahu apa yg akan dibuatnya? Tengoklah balik gambar di atas tu ...

Type No 12 : "The Angel"

Kalau kecik kecik lg dah bagi pose mcm ni ... well... what can I say..., be rest assured. Kata org tua-tua, sejuk perut ibu mengandung. .. Bdak mcm ni masa keciknya baik, bila dah besar laaaagilah dia baik. Karektor baiknya tu mmg tak nmpak. Dan siapa yg pertama kali berjumpa dgnnya mmglah tengok dia mcm biasa je ...

Tapi dia sebenar adalah begini orgnya ...

.
.
.

(suka betul aku buat benda ni ..)

Ehem ... nak buat mcm mana ??? Tak nak cakap lebih-lebih lah ...

Penyakit Hati : Maksud dan Pengertian

2008-12-26T06:38:00.011+08:00

Wah tajuk di atas sikit punya gempak. Mcm tajuk lecture oleh seorang Profesor Universiti aje bunyinya. Actually, perkara "Penyakit Hati" ini telah menjd bahan gurauan kami bertiga, aku, E-Ya dan kakak dia si Fizah petang tadi. Ntah mengapa bila masuk malamnya aku tak leh tido dibuatnya pulak. Penyakit hati, atau sakit hati kah yg telah melanda aku malam ini?

Aku mula tido mlm td pukul 12.30 pg. Aku tahulah its not healthy for someone like me to do that. For as a post radiation patient, I should get at least 8 hrs of solid sleep to maintain good health and strength. Tp dah mata aku tak nak lelap, nak buat cam mana? Actually tiap-tiap haripun I sleep no sooner than 11.30 pm, dah biasa dah ...

So malam td aku terjaga pukul 2.30 pg, gi toilet kejap then naik semula atas katil utk tido. Tp sejam kemudian mata masih terkebil-kebil, pusing kanan, pusing kiri tak mau jg lelap. Sejam kemudian mcm gitu jugak. Lagi sejam, begitu jugak-jugak. Sampailah dah Suboh ni hah, mata aku bukan setakat terkebil-kebil lg, malah dah celik galak pulak.

Back to the above topic : Apakah maksud dan pengertian "Penyakit Hati"?. Mengikut kamus ... err sebenarnya aku tak jumpapun maksudnya dlm kamus. Tp dalam bahasa yg mudahlah kan... ianya berkaitan dgn perasaan-perasaan negatif yg bersarang dalam hati. Ye ke begitu? Ntah...kau hentam sajalah Labu ...

Ok, apa yg kami citerkan petang td? It started off with E-Yalah. Dia baru balik dr rumah kawan dia and when she came into my room she saw I was busy updating my blog. Dia kata, "Acik ni tak habis-habis dgn blog. Dahlah tu, mari turun makan. Ya ada belikan hotplate yg Acik nak tu."

To that I answered, "Nantilah kejap. Tgh best edit ni", and continued. 15 minutes later E-Ya came again into the room. This time dia dah hot, mcm hotplate yg dia beli tu agaknya.

E-Ya : "Acik, udah-udahlah tu... Pergi makan... Grrr!". Pastu dia turun balik . Aku jwb, "Hish ... yelah, yelah ...". Potong stim berblog aku je lah budak ni, kata aku dlm hati. Ni je dah merupakan satu penyakit hati. Nama penyakit hati ni ialah "Berkata-kata dalam Hati"

Sampai je aku kat bawah, E-Ya dah menjeling-jeling kat aku. Kemudian mcm mak nenek, dia berkata, "Haa... panggil banyak kali, baru nak turun. Nama je sakit, tp kalau berblog ... sihat". Eh, eh bdak ni, meroyan apa? Oh ... kau ngata aku ye ... Haa .. ketahuilah oleh mu wahai E-Ya sebenarnya kau telah terkena penyakit hati jenis yg kedua iaitu "Cakap tu lain kali, ber Hati-Hati"

Bila dah selesai makan biasalah kami, kalau makan mesti depan TV punya. Akupun tolak pinggan aku ke kiri, dekat dgn E-Ya dan kakaknya. Lepas tu aku cakap,

Aku : "Korang tau ... Acik ada baca satu article ni from Sloan Kettering Cancer Center yg terkenal di US. Dia kata, org yg lepas buat treatment contohnya mcm radiotherapy lah kan, org tu tak boleh buat kerja sangat. Org tu mesti banyakkan berehat. Article tu cakap practically org yg dah post treatment ni kerjanya makan tidur, makan tidur je ...". Haa ... tu pasallah aku tolak pinggan tu menjauhi aku dan mendekati mereka tu... hehehe

Fizah : "Itu bukan macam nak bg sihat macam nak bagi lagi cepat 'jalan' je..". Binawe punya budak... aku senggol tangan dia kerana sah-sahlah dia dah terkena penyakit hati yg dinamakan, "Menyakitkan Hati".

Lepas tu aku sambung lagi, " Haa... satu lg... Articletu ada cakap bahawa org yg melalui radiotherapy akan kena juga itchiness especially di tmpat-tmpat yg ada mucous. Maknanya, mulut, tekak, all along the digestive system tract sampailah ke rectum mesti adalah rasa gatal-gatal atau tak pun mengalami thrush".

Mungkin korang tak tau apa itu thrush. Thrush tu adalah warna putih mcm budak baru menyusu, kan lidah dia putih-putih. Itu le dia.... Apa org tua-tua panggil, "kurap susu" ke apa ke... ntah manalah aku tau ... sebab aku belum tua ... Oopss, dah... aku tersampuk dah ... penyakit hati yg berikutnya, "Prasan di Hati".

Berbalik pd topik gatal dan thrush td. Rasa gatal ni depends on which part you've been treatedlah. Kalau patient tu kena pancar kat neck and head area, gatal dan thrush tu mungkin berlaku kat dalam mulut dia. Kalau kat perut, dia mungkin rasa gatal atau thrush kat kulit luar perut dia. Dan jeng, jeng, jeng ... kalau dia kena kat pelvic, rasa gatal dia mestilah kat sekitar kawasan "toot...." Tak faham? Ni yg maleh nak mengexplain ni ... Jawapan aku sama mcm kata-kata si Raja Lawak Nabil kat dlm iklan ubat gigi Halagel lepas dia tarik lori pakai gigi dia tu laa ... "Lu pikirlah sendiri...!".

Apa point aku cakap semuanya ini? Korang jgn ingat pulak aku saja suka suka nak citer ttng sesuatu yg boleh dikatakan agak private jg pd diri aku ni. Ataupun korang kata aku ni pervert, citer pasal gatal-gatal kat "toot" pun nak khabar kat satu dunia. Wei, manalah tahu nanti satu hari korang come across org yg senasib dgn aku. Haa, masa tu korang senanglah jd spokesperson ttng maklumat ini dan maklumat-maklumat lain yg aku dah linkkan dlm blog aku ni. Nanti jdlah korang manusia yg tidak memiliki penyakit hati, malah korang "berHati mulia" dan tinggi pekertinya. Itupun kalau korang ada bacalah kan... Kalau idak, hampeh... buat penat aje aku letak link-link tu semua.

Dipendikkan citer, akukan kena radiation kat pelvic, so aku tngh mengalaminya lah sekarang ... Hee ... Korang dah tahu kan, dulu aku cakap aku kena diarrhea lepas radiotherapytu. Mulanya diarrhea aku taklah seteruk mcm si Sudin, tp masuk minggu berikutnya, bertukar pulak. Kalau dulu Sudin terkucil 7 kali, aku pulak kadang-kadang at one point, satu hari boleh sampai 15 kali! Tp sekarang w/pun diarrhea dah mula berkurang sedikit, ia menyebabkan kulit pulak menjd kering dan bila kering, itchinesspun datang. Bayangkanlah. ... Tak senang duduk aku dibuatnya. W/pun cousin aku yg doktor tu ada bg krim utk kurangkan kegatalan, tp mcm tak berkesan je. Berapa lama pula side effects begini dan side effects yg lain akan bersama pesakit cancer, wallahualam. Well, it depends on each person individually. Begini citernya:

Basically, ada ampat masalah ... Satu - banyak-banyak... Dua - sedikit-sedikit... Tiga - jarang-jarang... Ampat - Kadang-kadang... Apa itu ... ?

Tempoh pemulihan selepas treatment lah, apa lagi ...

Buktikan ...

Satu - Banyak-banyak ... ertinya, org yg pulih selepas 2 to 4 weeks of treatment, mmg banyak di dlm dunia ini.

Dua - Sedikit-sedikit... ertinya org yg pulih selepas beberapa bulan, sedikit bilangannya drp org yg sembuh selepas 2 to 4 weeks of treatment.

Tiga - Jarang-jarang... ertinya org yg pulih selepas beberapa tahun of treatment, jarang-jarang yg kita dengar.

Ampat : Kadang-Kadang... Ertinya, org yg sembuh selepas beberapa hari aje treatment, kadang-kadang baru kita dengar sekali.

Itulah jawapannya tuan-puan ... mcm dialog dlm Nujum Pak Belalang daa ...

As for me, I pray to God and hope I'll fall under the first category. Ameen... I am now into my 2nd week of post treatment. So petang td masa kita org tgh duduk-duduk depan TV tu, akupun duduk sekejap senget ke kiri, sekejap senget ke kanan, sekejap duduk atas kerusi, sekejap duduk atas lantai. Menengokkan itu E-Yapun berkata,

E-Ya : "Acik ni kenapa? Nak terkucil lagi ke? Tak senang duduk je nampaknya"

Aku : "Taklah, hish ... korang tak rasa apa yg aku rasa, gatal sesngt ni. Gatal ni pun asal sbb diarrhea tu le ... kulit dah jd kering ..."

E-Ya : "Tu baru kena 10 kali radiotherapy je tu, dah jd mcm ni. Kalau kena mcm yg Dr. cakap mula-mula tu, kena 25 kali tak taulah mcm mana. Ya kena bawa toilet bergerak setiap kali Ya bawa Acik ke HUKM agaknya". Dia boleh gelak terkekek-kekek lg kat aku. Macam-macam lg lawak bodo yg dia cakap ngan kakak dia. Aku dah bg pandangan maut dah kat dia, tp dia ngan kakak dia terus-terus ketawa. Aku masatu mengalami penyakit hati yg dinamakan "Sengalnya Hati"

Actually ada banyak lg penyakit hati yg kita boleh jumpa dan tak susah nak kenal apa jenisnya. Sebagai contoh:

Scenario Pertama:

Seorg minah berhidung tomato, baru tiga empat hari lepas pow duit makcik dia RM 50 kata nak beli lauk, tup tup hari ni dia gi ke makcik dia dan berkata, "Acik nak duit. Nak pegi beli lauk". Ada ke patut? Dahlah makcik dia yg terkenal lembut hati tu sdng sakit. Cancer pulak tu. Stage 4 dah pun. Boleh dia minta duit lg. Dia bukan tak tahu perbuatan dia tu boleh mdatangkan stress pd makcik dia. Makcik dia kena produce banyak endorphins bukannya mengurangkan. Justeru, nampak gayanya Minah hidung tomato ni pun sakit, mengidap sindrom "Tak berHati perut"

Scenario Kedua:

Masih ttng minah berhidung tomato. Minah ini bkan sj hidungnya persis tomato tp perutnya... masyallah tak boleh citer lah ... Konon kisah, chenta hatinya di Nihon yg dulu bdn ala-ala nak dekat mcm ahli gusti Sumo (jgn marah haaa ..) sekrang dah macho (sukalah tu). Six packs lg... Mengetahui akan hal itu Minah hidung tomatopun risau. Dia nak juga setanding mcm chenta hatinya. Kalau chenta hatinya dah ada six packs dia pulak konon berazam nak mbuang packs-packs yg dimilikinya. Dia tak mau kalah dgn chenta hatinya. Lalu apa di buatnya??? Oooops .... stop, stop tak leh citer. Nanti kena plankong I you... Yg pasti tindak tanduk Minah itu ibarat "Ada Hati kununn.."

Scenario Ketiga:

Dngar citer dr mulut siapa lg kalau bkn Minah hidung tomato, yg ada org-org sekrang akan terlebih dulu baca blog aku, lepas tu baru baca blog dia. Ini sudah pasti membuatkan dia "Panas Hati".

Wah nampaknya dah banyak juga lesson ttng "Penyakit Hati" yg aku dah sampaikan kat korang hari ni ye. So aku stop je lah kat sini. Korang suka ke tak suka ke, aku peduli apa. Korang setuju atau tak setuju dgn penerangan aku ttng "Penyakit Hati" nipun aku peduli apa. Ini blog aku yg buka, aku boleh tulis apa yg aku mahu di dalamnya. Penyakit aku ni dinamakan, "Suka Hati Aku lah".

Cancer here, Cancer there, Cancer everywhere ...

2008-12-25T14:23:00.005+08:00

As I've expected, the very next morning after my bicycle ride I had aches all over my body. Sekarangpun masih aching sikit ... So my new purple bicycle dah berhabuk dua hari kat tmpt parking menunggu agaknya bilalah tuan dia ni nak menggunakannya kembali., which I hope will be soon.

Well actually the very same day after I bought the bicycle, I did another round on it. I went cycling after Maghrib prayer to nearby areas around my house. Crazy? Cycling at night? Sorang-sorang? Dahlah awaktu ada cancer, stage 4 pulak tu? Well, my new bicycle has a small cute lamp attached to it. Bell pun ada, tersedia utk di bunyikan. So no worries.. ^ __ ^

I started off doing several laps around the playground next to my house but after that I felt bored. In addition there's this Chinese man who was walking his dog, looking suspiciously at me yang asyik asyik round kat situ jer. Ntah-ntah dia ingat aku nak stalk mana-mana rumah utk di rompak, so I decided to venture out a little bit further to the nearby condos, a few blocks away.

On my way I passed by a nasi lemak stall by the roadside, nasib baik pelanggan dia tak ramai or else I would surely have bumped into them with my sekejap to the right, sekejap to the left mode of cycling. Dahlah stall tu letak betul-betul kat corner... with cars parked at the sides. Cuma I did noticed the stall owner looking at me because I passed his stalls 3 times!

Then as I got to one of the condo block, I heard this "Wouish, wouish, psst, psst" sound. I looked around. Nobody there. Then I looked up. Hemm ... ada 2 org mamat rupanya, siap mlambai-lambai pulak lg. I could'nt care less and kept on going. When I heard the adzan for Isyak, I decided to call it a day.

When I reached home, E-Ya told me my father had, like about 10 times asked her where I had gone to. No joke man. Actually my father has gotten a lot forgetful these days itulah sbbnya dia tanya sampai 10 kali tu. Normallah buat dia. Dia dah tanya satu question, 5 minutes kemudian dia akan tanya the same question again and again. Sigh...org tua mcm tu le.. Anyway I managed to come back in one piece. I felt refreshed, felt energized ..................................................................... konon ...

I told E-Ya where I went including the incident aku kena "whistled at" kat condo tadi. E-Ya and her sister, Fizah were infront of the TV set eating at the time.

E-Ya : "Alah, dia org usik Acik sbb dia org ingat Acik muda lagi. Kalau dia org tahu Acik dah tua tak de nyer. Kan gelap...". Chett ...

Fizah : " Ah, ah.. silap-silap dia org terkejut terus terjun dr atas ke bawah.." Double chett...!

Bdak-bdak ni tak bg chan langsung aku nak prasan sikit ... Tak pe, tak pe ...

Paling aku tak boleh terima suggestion dr si Fizah - Memandangkan yg aku masih tak stabil bawa basikal, dia suggestkan aku pakai "P" besar-besar kat belakang aku .... hampeh ...!

Hence, that's the reason why my purple bicycle is collecting dust now. Sabar my beautiful purple bicycle ye... Come few days, your tuan will be stronger and together we will again be on our adventure, sailing the high seas, across the continents ... eh.. apa daaa aku merepek ni...

So what did I do this past two days? Apa lagi on the netlah... Surf blog org and do some more readings on cancer , treatment and its side efects. The onward content of this entry will be about this. Err.. not exactly, its actually on people with cancer.

Call it coincidence or what, but as I was reading this one blog, I came to realize that the writer is a breast cancer survivor. And one thing led to another as I found links on her blog that took me to other cancer patients' blog. Throughout the 2 day reading, it had come to my attention that I had read blogs talking about not less that 20 people stricken with cancer. From the list, I found several of them are teachers. Not to mention the 2 teachers I met when I had my FNAC of the neck remember? Hey, why lah??

For e.g. there's this teacher who hails from Kedah who was diagnosed as having tongue cancer. Can you imagine that? Of all the places in the body, she had to get cancer there? Subhanallah. From her story, she wrote that she had her whole tongue removed through operation. Lagi sekali.. subhanallah, I can't imagine what she went through. But God's willing she's recuperating quite well now. She also mentioned that in her housing area alone, there are 5 people down with cancer.

Another blog, from Prof. Kamil who wrote the book "Travellog Haji" also mentions that his father has bladder cancer, and just today he wrote to say that his wife's sister had just been diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. Not to mention after a month I was diagnosed, my sister who is staying in Kelantan tu informed me that her brother in law is also now battling cancer - lung cancer. And many more... Hence the title of this entry, "Cancer here, cancer there, cancer everwhere..."

Alas, I do get quite stressful sometimes reading some of the blogs especially the part where the writers relate their pain and sufferings. I'm not denying what they went through. I too have excruciating pain at my pelvis, remember? But Alhamdullilah... after the radiotherapy, practicing and reciting supplications (doa) the Ustaz taught me, praying and taking the blessed water plus most importantly with Allah S.W.T's consent, the pain has subsided tremendously. I do not have to rely on pain killers too often now and the bleeding although not entirely gone, has also minimised. In fact up till today, I have not taken my pain killer and its already 5 days since the last. Alhamdullilah - Thank you Allah ...

I hope my condition will further improve. I read somewhere that oxygen is a good thing for cancer patients. Cancer cells cannot survive in an environment where there are lots of oxygen. They will be starved in such environment and eventually die. Hence that explains my bicycle ride. I want to breathe in as much oxygen as I can. You all might suggest, nak senang, logically beli tangki oxygen dan inhale je from it, betul tak? As appealing as that might sound tp giler apa??? Imagine me dgn tangki oxygen on my back wherever I go, mcm org nak gi diving only its on land not in the sea... Silap-silap aku dihantar dek bdak-bdak berdua tu nanti ke Tanjung Rambutan ...

I must also to always put my spirits high. Must produce lots of endorphins, as I heard laughter is also a good cure for cancer. So people out there ..., make me happy will you ...

But, I do have to bear in mind that my treatment from the hospital is only palliative not curative. Nonetheless, I am hoping for a miracle. Call me unrealistic, call me crazy, call me dumb, wishing for something uncertain. Everything is up to Allah's discretion. If He wills, He will. I hope Allah grants me the wish as He knows I have too many "unfinished business" still to be accomplished. Ameen.

On a lighter note, as I was surfing through this one site, I came across some info on Western celebrities who are cancer patients. They include :

The sultry, seductress Kylie Minogue, breast cancer - who can forget her?

Tenor Luciano Pavarotti - pancreatic cancer

Bob Marley .... apart from being a raggae singer, guitarist, songwriter and activist, he is also popular with his "rambut tak basuh" style of hair - cancer at the toe at first then when he refused to have it amputated, the cancer spreads to his brain, lungs, liver, and stomach.

Freddy Fender, the evergreen singer with songs like, "Wasted days and wasted nights" and "Till the teardrops fall" - Lung cancer

World Tag Team Champion Rowdy Roddy Piper - non-Hodgkin's lymphoma (dekat stomach dia). Amacam? Wrestlerpun boleh kena cancer, tak heranlah akupun boleh...

No joke man..., this eagle is also a celebrity. W/pun dia burung tp nama dia TIGER. Its Auburn University Southeastern Raptor (mcm symbol Univ. tu laa) - Skin cancer

Others on lists include casts of "Charlie Angels". Ni Charlie Angels yg original bukan yg movie baru tu.. Remember Farah Fawcett, Jaclyn Smith and Kate Jackson? Also their boss, Charlie yg hanya dngr suara aje tu? Maybe the show was jinxed, for they all have cancer. Steve Job, Apple computer's CEO pun ada cancer. Fran Drescher who plays "The Nanny" has the same cancer as me, endometrial cancer. The list goes on ...

At the homefront we have, to name a few :

Azean Irdawati - Breast Cancer
Rozita Che Wan - Breast Cancer (Katanya le... Kachiwalah you guys yg kat luar sana tu ...)
Datin Sri Endon - Breast Cancer
Tan Sri Megat Junid - Prostate Cancer
Norraya Mohd. Yusof - isteri pelawak Sabri Yunus, (Abe Wan) dlm Pi Mai Pi Mai Tang Tu

The above are the ones I know. Unlike people from the West, Asians particularly Malaysians I think are not that open to reveal that they are cancerous. But I believe the list is longer.

................ ... and last but not least ......................... ,

.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.

Me ..... the star of this blog. Muakakakaka !

Buang Tebiat?

2008-12-23T18:07:00.012+08:00

Hari ni aku tak de mood. Actually dah beberapa hari aku tak de mood. Tak de mood sbb badan aku rasa lemah sgt. Aku tahulah ini mngkin disebabkan oleh kesan radioterapi tu, tp disebabkan bdn aku lemah jd mood aku pun tunggang langgang. Tambah-tambah pula bila mgenangkan yg dulu aku tak selemah dan tak seberdaya mcm ni.

Dah beberapa hari aku bcadang nak kuar beli barang keperluan aku. Tp setiap kali aku dah nak ready keluar, time tu lah bdn aku buat hal. Pinggang sakitlah, kaki lenguhlah, badan letihlah dan mcm-mcm hal lg. Dah lah sekarng ni nak keluar rumah nak kena harap kat org tolong bawakan, hence ni menjdkan aku btambah-tambahlah rimas. Aku tahu aku dah menjd satu mcm punya beban kat org.

Hari ni, w/pun badan aku letih, aku tekad aku nak kuar jugak. Aku ambik kunci kereta dan terus drive menuju ke Wangsa Maju, cadangnya nak ke Carrefour. Tengah jalan aku singgah di Stesen pam petrol utk isi minyak dulu. Well, no big deal kan? Memang no big deal... Tp kalau masa aku sihat dulu, buat semua ni laju aje tak sampai 10 minitpun, tp sekrang masa yg diambil dua kali ganda. Nak buka pintu keta, rasa mak aih beratnya. Nak berjalan ke kaunter nak byr duit minyak dan kemudian balik ke kereta, rasa letihnya mcm lepas berlari 100 meter. Terfikir jg sampai ke aku ke Carrefour nanti ni? Ahh...cuba je dulu. Syukur.. sampai juga 10 minit kemudian.

Tiba di Carrefour aku terpaksa parking jauh sikit sbb hari ni Carrefour ramai org, Agaknya sbb cuti sekolah. Akupun keluar keta dan bjln menuju pintu masuk. Dlm kesibukan ramai org tu akupun ambil trolley dan masuk Carrefour utk beli brg. Jln aku tak ubah mcm org pompuan dlm pantang. Slow yg amat. Aku cuba jg sekali sekala nak jln cepat tp bdn tak izinkan, terpaksa slow down balik. Puas ronda-ronda beli barang, dua setengah jam kemudian akupun selesai. Sebenarnya brng yg dibeli tak lah byk tp di sbbkan aku terpaksa berhenti "to catch my breath" beberapa kali tu yg jd sampai berjam-jam tu.

Keluar dr Carrefour, perut pulak dah terasa lapar. Aku terus ke food court, hajat hati nak beli nasi ayam dan makan je kat situ, tp tak de pulak tmpt kosong so akupun tapau je dua bungkus. Tp perut aku dah lapar sngt. Mahu tak mahu aku singgah McD beli Fillet O Fish dan jus oren satu. Masuk dalam kereta, akupun apa lg terus makan. Org sebelah kereta pandang, aku buat Mcdonno, melantak mcm tak ingat dunia. Tengah sedap-sedap makan, tiba-tiba telefon aku berdering. Panggilan dr AmBank rupanya. Staff dia call utk beritahu yg roadtax kereta aku dah siap. So destinasi aku selepas ni adalah ke Ambank yg terletak di Setapak.

Bila sampai AmBank, lg sekali parking pun penuh jg. Tp nasib baik urusan dgn bank cepat. Dah dpt roadtax, aku teruskan perjalanan aku ke Pejabat Pos Gombak pulak utk terus claim rebate road tax. Lepas lebih stgh jam duduk dalam pejabat pos akupun keluar, suka hati dapat RM 625 dari kerajaan Malaysia. Lepas tu akupun terus balik rumah.

Sampai rumah, akupun simpan semua brng-brng yg dah dibeli di Carrefour td. Tp hati aku masih tak puas lg. Badan mmnglah penat, tp aku bertekad nak buat jg satu lg perkara ni. Actually dah tiga minggu aku nak buat benda ni, tp asyik tak jd je. So kata aku, hari ni aku mesti buat jg.

Akupun rehat sekejap dan lebih kurang 10 minit kemudian, aku keluar semula. Tp kali ni aku tak bawa kereta. Aku berjalan kaki. Jarak rumah aku dan tempat yg aku nak pergi adalah lebih kurang 1/2 km, ikut jln shortcut. So lg sekali dengan gaya santai persis pompuan dlm pantang, akupun berjalan ke tempat yg aku nak tuju.

40 minit kemudian akupun sampai ke kedai Perniagaan ...apa hah? Tak ingatlah pulak... tp pokoknya aku sampailah. Baru masuk je, tokey kedai dah approach, "Mau beli apa?". Ni yg aku tak suka ni, bglah aku masa sikit, lgpun dia dah nampak aku tengok "benda" tu kan. Mestilah "benda" tu yg aku nak beli. Takkan tengok "benda" tu tp intention aku nak "benda" lain kot. Aku pun jwb, "Nantilah dulu tokey, bagi saya survey dululah".

Mesti korang susupens kan? Apakah "benda" yg aku maksudkan itu? Tak suspens? Alah buat-buat suspens pun jd le... Well, "benda" yg aku tengok-tengok tu ialah basikal ... Betul dah lama aku ckp aku nak beli basikal dan baru hari nilah aku berpeluang utk pergi ke kedai dan membelinya. Mcm kanak-kanak riang pulak bunyi nya kan? Perghh..!

Lama jg aku membelek basikal, dr satu ke satu, sampai towkey tu naik tak sabar, lalu diapun cakap, "You mau beli basikal lelaki ke, pompuan? You mau pakai ka?" Alamak malu lah pulak nak ngaku memang aku yg nak pakai. So akupun jwb, "Tak de lah bukan saya pakai. Anak saya pakai. Perempuan" Hehehe, coverline ...

Towkey : "Ooo, kalau mcm itu sana punya basikallah. Yg ada bakul punya. Itu perempuan punya basikal. Berapa umur anak you? Kecik ka?"

Aku : " Taklah kecik, dalam 14 atau 15". Ada ke? Konon kata anak nak pakai, tp umur anakpun tak sure...Kantoi, tp nasib baik towkey tu blur.

Aku tengok harga basikal sekarang punyalah mahal. Aku punya budget sebenarnya dlm RM 100 - RM 200 je. Tp aku tgok semua harga atas RM 200. Macam mane ni? Aku pun tanya towkey ttu.

Aku : "Ai sey towkey, ni semua harga banyak mahallah. Saya tak da duit banyak. Budget saya sikit sj. Bg saya basikal paling murah punyalah"

Towkey : "Tak pe saya boleh kasi discount, maa. You cakap mana you mau."

Aku nak yg canggih, ada gear, yg tayar dia berbunga-bunga, yg solid. Tp memandang yg tu harganya paling murahpun RM 350, akupun tunjukklah yg paling murah RM 299. Aku minta kurang.

Towkey : " OK ini saya boleh bg you, cincai RM 230"

Aku : "Alah Rm 200 bolehlah ..."

Towkey : "Tak bolehlah itu macam. Tak pa saya bg you free gift. Lock satu".

Puas aku pujuk, tak mau bg gak towkeytu so akupun tak de choice, beli ajelah. Masa towkey tu nak siap-siapkan basikal yg aku nak beli tu tiba-tiba aku berkata, "Eh... nanti towkey. Saya tngok ini basikal lawalah pulak". Aku sebenarnya dah ternampak satu basikal berwarna merah yg tersangatlah cantiknya di mata aku.

Towkey : "Itu basikal lelaki punya, maa. You kata anak you perempuan. Itu tadi punya bagus la.. you punya anak boleh bawa pergi sekolah ..." (Dalam hati aku, "Yelah tu ...")

Aku : "Tp basikal lelaki, perempuanpun boleh naik kan? Boleh letak bakul nanti nampak mcm perempuan punya jugak. Ini basikal berapa you boleh bagi?". Aku tngok harga diletak adalah RM 360.

Towkey : "Oh ini ka? Err... RM 320 kasi sama you"

Alamak dekat RM 100 lebih dr yg td. Kalau aku beli ni jauh lari budget aku bulan ni nanti. Jd tak de chanlah aku nak bergaya dengan basikal berwarna merah. Nampaknya basikal td yg berwarna purple tu jglah yg aku kena beli. So towkey tu panggillah pekerja dia, dua org bdak Melayu untuk bersihkan, pasang pedal dan check basikal tu utk pastikan yg semuanya elok. Salah sorang bdak tu terover peramahlah pulak....

Bdak pekerja : "Wah, akak beli basikal, bagus ni..Sesuai dgn akak".

Aku : "Bukan akak punyalah, anak yg punya". Coverline lg ... masih malu seh..

Bdak pekerja : "Eh, kak, kalau akak pakaipun boleh apa. Bagus ... exercise... Pagi-pagi pukul 5 pg elok kayuh basikal, bg keluar peluh". Alamak, kata hati aku. Bdak ni mcm tahu-tahu je itulah tujuan aku beli basikal nipun.

Aku : "Banyaklah awak. Apa dibuatnya naik basikal pg pg buta tu.... Hantu pun baru balik rumah"

Bdak pekerja : "Eh saya buat kak..." dan bdaktu pun ketawa. Utk mengelak dari disoal mcm-mcm lg dan juga utk mengelakkan aku dari tak pasal-pasal coverline buat dosa kering lg, akupun cakap ngan bdak tu yg aku nak ke supermarket kat depantu, kejap lg aku datng balik. Bdaktu pun kata, "Alright, nanti akak dtng, basikal dah ready punyalah.."

Akupun pergilah ke supermarket dan beli beberapa jenis buah. Setengah jam kemudian aku kembali semula ke kedai basikaltu dan spt yg dijanji, basikal purple ku dah ready menanti. Akupun bayar pd bdak pekerjatu dan ckp kat dia "Tima Kasih".

Bdak pekerja : "Akak nak naik ke atau nak tolak je basikal tu?". Mula dah bdak ni kata hati aku. Lalu ku jwb, "Naiklah ... tp taklah akak nak naik depan awak ...". Bdaktupun ketawa dan akupun cepat-cepat tolak basikal purple aku keluar dari kedai tu.

Agak-agak dah jauh, tak nampak dek bdak pekerja basikaltu akupun naiklah basikal nak cuba mengayuh. Kebetulan jalan yg dilalui jalanraya pulak. Tp mak ooi ... tak sesenang yg ku sangka! Maklumlah dah lebih 15 tahun tak kayuh basikal.

Mula-mula aku letak kaki kanan kat pedal kanan, pijak ke bawah sikit, basikal jln ke depan, tpi bila aku nak letak kaki kiri kat pedal kiri, kaki aku tak jumpa pedal...! Apa nak buat ? Naik basikallah aku mcm bdak kecik yg baru belajar nak naik basikal... Kaki kanan je atas pedal manakala kaki kiri atas jalanraya. Hahaha ... Tp nasib baik lepas 4 atau 5 kali try, berjaya juga akhirnya aku mengayuh basikal tu menggunakan dua-dua kaki atas pedal kanan dan kiri masing-masing.

Tapi, nak citerlah kan. Ntah sebab aku dah tua ke, atau sebab aku sakitke atau sebab badan aku dah lemah ke aku rasa basikaltu punyalah berat. Terhoyong hayang jugak lah sekejap ke kanan, sekejap ke kiri. Sampaikan ketapun beri hormat kat aku bagi aku jalan dulu. Hahaha... Paling seksa bila angin btiup. Dari belakang OK lg, tp bila angintu dtg dr depan, aduiii, bagai nak putus urat kaki aku mengayuh ...

Aku mengambil masa lebih kurang 15 minit utk sampai umah, tak ikut jln shortcut. Berpeluh-peluh... Dalam perjalanan terfikir jgak aku. Sampai bila agaknya aku dpt bertahan pakai basikal ni. Hari ni je dah mcm ni. Sure besok pg bangun tido nanti seluruh badan aku sakit-sakit. Kalau berterusan mcm ni, mcm mana? Ahh... tukar je beli motosikal ! Huhuhuhu ...

Mati Kutu

2008-12-17T14:01:00.009+08:00

Baru dua bulan aku didiagnosekan sakit. Dlm tempoh tu hampir tiga minggu dihabiskan duduk hospital dan bakinya di bahagikan antara ulang-alik utk treatment, radioterapi dan duduk rumah. Tapi sekarang radioterapipun dah selesai dijlni. So ...aku BOSAN sekarang. Tak tau nak wat apa ... Uwahhhh!

Kalau dulu time-time gini w/pun cuti sekolah aku adalah juga pergi sekolah nengok-nengokkan pusat sumber aku. Buatlah apa-apa yg patut utk persediaan tahun hadapan. Tp sekarang pihak sekolah dah reliefkan aku dr semua tugas, bkn saja tugas di pusat sumber tp semua tugas-tugas aku yg lain. Kalau dulu aku sorang buat semua kerja-kerjatu, tp sekarang kerja aku dengar citer, telah dibahagi-bahagikan kepada 3 atau 4 org. Ada ke patut? Padanlah aku bleh jatuh sakit...

Aku betul-betul miss aktiviti-aktiviti yg aku biasa buat dulu. Well.. tak de lah aktiviti tu mcm gi water rafting ke atau bungee jumping ke atau SEA DIVING ke... tp sekurang-kurangnya aku boleh bebas bergerak dan buat apa sj yg aku nak buat.

Kat umah pulak, lagi aku tak tau nak buat apa. Boleh dikatakan tiap hari bila bangkit je tido, dah habis menunaikan dan buat apa-apa yg patut, aku akan duduklah depan PC. Kerja tak de lain surf site-site yg menjd fav aku ataupun baca blog org-org lain yg aku rasa interesting. Bosan dengan internet, tengok pulak TV. Bosan TV, balik gi surf internet balik. Tak pun aku update blog aku ni ha. Itulah routine aku setiap hari sekarang. Hee ... sungguhlah tidak produktifnya aku!

Akupun pelik gak ngan sakit aku ni. Yelah, nak katakan aku ni terlantar, langsung tak boleh bergerak, tak lah. Tp apa yg aku prasan ialah aku ni akan cepat penat. Dulu aku jln laju, mcm lipas kudung kata org, tp sekarang jalan kena slow mcm pompuan dlm pantang. Nak buat kerja lebih sikit, letih. Kadang-kadang berdiri lamapun bleh letih. Bercakap ngan orgpun kdng-kdng bleh letih. Betul... Tambah-tambah bila dah lepas radioterapi ni. Lglah tak menentu. Termasuk letihnya, dgn kdng-kdng sakitnya, diarrheanya. Hishhh...

Sebenarnya patient mcm aku ni mmglah doktor suruh banyakkan berehat. Kalau boleh dia suruh banyakkan tidur dan dilarangnya mbuat kerja esp yg berat. Tp aku tak bolehlah... maksud aku aku tak bolehlah duduk diam je mcm gitu. Satu lg. Aku rimas bila sekrang aku byk bergntung pd org utk sesuatu. Rasa helpless sesngt. Semuanya nak kena minta tolong kat org. Dan "org" yg dimaksudkan itu tak lain tak bukan E-Ya le...

Sekarang aku banyak kena minta tolong ngan dia utk buat banyak perkara. Kadang-kadang suruh gi kedai lah, suruh masak mkn utk aku lah, suruh itulah, suruh inilah. Tapi syukurlah minah tu tak kurus-kurus aku tgok. Malah bertambah bulat ... hidungpun dah mcm buah tomato ... hahaha ...

Tengok sekrangpun aku dah mula letih dah.. so aku stop kat sini dululah ye. Jangan marah haaa...

Ais T, Jgn Jeles ... huhuhu

2008-12-17T10:16:00.004+08:00

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

Mari kita tengok siapa yg kenaaa ...

2008-12-15T14:42:00.006+08:00

Aku nak tergelak nengok berita hari ni yg menunjukkan si Bush kena baling kasut oleh sorang wartawan Iraq. Haa .. mmg padan muka dia. Tulah pandai-pandai masuk campur urusan negara org buat per?

Kesian rakyat Iraq. Ingatkan masa minta tlng kat Amerika dulu hidup dia org bleh jd lebih baik, tp rupanya lg teruk jdnya. Sekurang-kurang masa Saddam mmerintah dia org tak lah hidup mcm sekarang. Selalu je dlm ketakutan bom sana, bom sini. Sekarang makanpun tak cukup, nak bkerja dan mdpt pendidikanpun susah.

Kalau kita nak bandingkan dgn scenario politik tanah air kita agaknya ada tak wartawan atau sesiapa je berani buat cam ni? Contohnya masa kecoh harga minyak naik dulu.. Kenapa tak de org berani baling kasut cam gini ke kepala Dollah atau Najib? Hemm...jgn harap, takkan ade nyer. Silap-silap boleh masuk ISA ...

Radiotheraphy

2008-12-13T14:03:00.011+08:00

If you all notice, semua entry sebelum ini menceritakan kisah aku yg telah berlaku. Citer pasal GHKL, Pusrawi even HUKM semuanya telah berlaku sekitar bulan Oktober dan November. Even citer pasal radiotherapy yg aku nak muatkan di sinipun sebenarnya dah berlaku. Infact aku dah completekan pun treatment radiotherapy aku di HUKM.

Siapa nak tahu lebih lanjut pasal radiotherapy bolehlah korang surf site ini atau site ini. Yg pertamatu w/pun utk cancer bebudak tp tak jauh beza dr dewasa punya. Site yg keduatu explanationnya excellent almost like what I went through, just that layanannya tak lah as nice as that. In Malaysia, I notice everything is just given to you without questions asked. Mungkin hospital kerajaan byk kes sampai the staffs don't have time to dilly dally and have chit chats explaining to patients kot. Anyway overall the staffs are nicelah but networking wise, very minimal.

Machine radiotherapy pulak sebijik mcm kat bawah ni. Petugasnya taklah mcm tu. Itu mcm kalu, dah lama aku cabut!

Mesin mcm ni lah yg ada kat HUKM tu. Mula-mula aku baring kat atas tu aku punyalah risau takut-takut bhgn atas mesin tu jatuh ke muka aku ...

Bila dah baring tu tak boleh bergera-gerak. Jd kalau nak kentut sekalipun kenalah tahan. Takut nanti terpancar kat tmpt lain. Nayaaa... hahaha ...

Siapa yg dah baca info psl radiotherapy di website kat atas mesti dah baca bhw radiotherapy pun ada side effectsnya. Aku ditreat kat bhgn pelvis, so side effectsnya berkaitan dgn bhgn tu le. Dalam byk-byk side effects tu yg aku paling rasa ialah fatigue dan diarrhea. Kulit aku tak pulak rasa panas atau mcm terbakar, cuma bertukar sedikit kehitamantu adalah. Fatique tu tak boleh cakaplah. Kadng-kdng lepas je treatment nak berjlnpun tak larat. Ada satu hari tu aku sampai terpaksa bpegang pd E-Ya. Sampai balik umah pulak biasaya aku dah flat, terus cari kerusi pjg atau katil utk baring.

Pasal diarrhea pulak satu hal lg. Korang ada tngok citer seniman bujang lapok tak? Alah scene Sudin nak screen test tu ... Kalau tak ingat ni aku ada letakkan videonya di bawah ni.

Akupun lebih kurang mcm tulah gak. Tapi aku rasa Sudintu lg teruklah ... Hahaha. Tapi insyaalah masalah itu akan hilang bila dah lama nanti. Tak larat wei ...

Masa aku buat radioterapi ni mcm-mcm pesakit cancer yg aku jumpa. Aku ni bolehlah dikategorikan sbg golongan "org muda" gaklah. Pesakit-pesakit lain tu kebanyakannya dah umur 50 ke atas. Semua bangsa ada tp yg paling ramai kaum China, diikuti oleh Melayu dan India. Kalau jln kat klinik Oncology pulak, akan jumpa org pompuan China atau India pakai tudung mungkin sbb rambut mereka dah tak de akibat chemo. Ada stnghnya bulu keningpun tak de, tp rata-rata cergas cuma satu dua je yg tak larat duduk atas kerusi roda.

BIla dah berkumpul beramai-ramai tu macam-macam citer ttng sakit masing-masingpun keluarlah. Ada yg cancer payudara, ada cancer thyroid, ada cancer colon, yg cancer kat hidungpun ada. Kebanyakannya mereka sudah menjalani operation, cuma aku je belum lg. Aku punya sesi radioterapi 10 kali tapi ada yg kena sampai 25 dan yg paling byk sorang makcik tu kena buat sampai 27 kali. Pesakit pulak ada yg dtg dari luar KL spt. Sabak Bernam, Muar, Taiping dan dr Perlispun ada.

Masa dtg ke radioterapi msing-msing ada aksi masing-msing. Ada yg dtg ngan muka ceria, ada yg muka grumpy dan ada yg dtg dengan penuh style. Ada sorang pompuan Cina ni dtg pakai wig, sorang lg pulak dtg pakai topi je tp bajunya selalu bunga-bunga yg cerah mcm baru balik holiday dr Hawaii. Sorang kakak Melayu ni pulak pakai kebaya penuh gaya, siap ngan kasut tumit tinggi mcm nak pergi beraya. Kalau lelaki pulak selalunya pakai cap sj.

Aku? Biasalah trackbottom dan shirt. Kadang-kadang aku cerialah tp kalau time sakittu muka seposen je, terlentok atas kerusi...tp yg pasti semua kami yg dtg akan berbekalkan dgn sebotol air. Aku up sikit, selain sebotol air aku siap ngan satu bekas buah persimmon atau anggur. Tp yg selalu mghabiskannya bukan aku, siapa lg kalau bukan E-Ya ...

Biasanya tempoh menunggu utk rawatan lebih kurang 40 minit, tp rawatn itself tak sampaipun 5 minit. Persediaannya yg lambat mahulah makan 15 ke 20 minit, sbb nak adjust machine tu ... Lepas habis radioterapi ni, aku kena dtg balik ke HUKM pada 12 Jan 2009. Masatu nanti barulah aku tahu apa doktor nak buat ngan aku seterusnya. Dan ... oh ya aku baru dpt tahu, Dr Flora dah bertukar ke Universiti Hospital, jd nampak gaya aku kena diletakkan bawah jagaan doktor lainlah. Siapa aku tak pulak diberitahu. In the meantime aku hanya boleh TUNGGUUUU....!

Cancer and Diet

2008-12-13T10:11:00.008+08:00

Semasa berjumpa Prof Azimahtol tu actually dia telah menyenaraikan makanan yg boleh aku makan dan yg tak boleh aku makan. Bab ni mmg leceh buat aku krn aku ni wpun sakit tp selera makan aku rasanya lebih baik dr masa aku tak sakit. Nak buat cam no pulak tu? Berikut adalah senarai "Do's and Don'ts" diet aku :

BOLEH MAKAN :

Ikan bersisik dan mempunyai daging putih spt terubuk, parang, siakap, kerapu dan kurau
Cereal spt cornflakes, oat, nestum. Nasi dikurangkan
Beehoon, spaghetti, macaroni
Sayuran except timun, dan kekacang spt kacang pjg, kcng boncis dan familynya
Buah-buahan spt papaya panjang, manggis,durian belanda,buah naga, epal hijau
Madu, gula merah (sikit), susu rendah lemak
Teh herba spt misai kucing, teh crysanthemum dan green tea
Ubi kentang
Kicap sedikit

TAK BOLEH MAKAN

Gula
Bahan peram spt budu, cencalok, tempoyak, belacan
Horlicks, Milo, nescafe, teh
Produk tenusu spt keju, susu condensed
Lemak spt daging, ayam, santan
Minyak masak
Makanan berkolosterol spt sotong, ketam dan udang
Telur
Ikan bilis dan ikan yg tiada sisik spt kembong, cencaru

Adakah aku mengikut 100% senarai di atas? Well takpun actually. Sebabnya aku ada bertanya kat Dr. Flora samada patient cancer ada pantang larang dlm makanan tak. Dia kata, "I follow the American way, and they don't have any restrictions towards food. After all if you don't eat any of the food like milk, meat, chicken and so on, where are you going to get the energy?" Betul gak kan?

Lagi satu korang perasan tak dlm senarai di atas, gula aku tak boleh makan langsung? Well actually dlm internet aku ada baca kat bbyk website yg menyatakan bahawa "Sugar feeds cancer cells", tp Dr. Flora kata itu semuanya myth sj. Tetapi Prof Azimahtol pulak cakap bila dia buat kajian, cancer cells ni sebenar banyak di dpti di bahgn badan yg mempunyai banyak gula. So aku ambil keputusan tak makan gula langsung. Kalau termakanpun ianya mungkin berada dlm makanan yg telah siap seperti roti dsbnya. Lagipun mana ada makanan yg tak bergula sekarang ni? Betul tak?

Lagi satu Prof Azimahtol tak bg langsung pakai minyak masak. Dia kata makanan aku hendaklah di steam atau direbus atau diroasted shj. Ini lg satu yg memeningkan kepala. Akupun surf internet dan jumpa satu website yg mana pantang larangnya almost 75% similar mcm yg diberi oleh Prof Azimahtol, cuma doktor dlm website tu kata boleh pakai hanya dua aje minyak masak iaitu olive oil dan sesame oil. Olive oil tu pulak mestilah yg diproses secara "cold pressed" dan mesti sentiasa simpan dlm peti sejuk. So akupun gunalah olive oil sekarang utk memasak.

Mmg pada awalnya aku ikut diet yg diberi oleh Prof tu, tp masuk minggu kedua, aku rasa badan aku tak bermaya. Macam org puasa. Yelah badan akukan kurus dan aku tngok diet yg disyorkan mcm diet utk org nak menguruskan badan aje. Mmg tak larat. Boleh tahan ke kalau asyik makan ikan disteam atau rebus atau roasted seasoned dgn salt and pepper je? Lepas tu makan sayur spt carrot, leek, broccoli, salad, atau asparagus, 3 times a day? Kalau tak kena makan beehoon, macaroni dan spaghetti yg aku tak suka. Hee ... UWEK, I tell you!

Actually before aku dpt cancerpun aku bukanlah seorang yg makannya tak hengat dunia. Aku kurang guna gula sebabnya aku tak suka minum teh, kopi atau nescafe. Horlicks dan milopun kadang-kadang je aku minum. aku lebih suka air kosong je. Bab buah-buahan pula aku memang hantu buah manggis dan durian belanda. In fact semua buah aku suka kecuali buah durian. Sayur spt asparagus, broccoli. leek memang sentiasa ada dlm fridge umah aku tunggu utk dimasak. Aku juga bukanlah seorang yg suka sgt makan nasi. Aku lebih suka makan mee. Lately dlm setahun ni aje aku berjinak-jinak mkn nasi, konon nak gemukkan badan. Budu, cencalok dan tempoyak memang aku tak makan langsung. Jd diet aku dah mmg hampir-hampir ikutpun mcm diet Prof tu. Tapi aku kena gak cancer, jd mcm mana tu? Dah takdir agaknya.

Cuma aku mengaku aku memang tersangat suka makan seafood. Ketam, udang dan sotong adalah favorite aku dan almost very week aku akan memakannya. Sebab tulah bila check darah, cholesterol level aku tinggi, Jgn marah haa ...

Tplah kan masa aku berulang alik buat rawtan kat HUKM ramai jugak pesakit cancer yg lain aku jumpa. Aku ada gak bertanya samada mereka pantang makan. Mereka kata takpun. Cuma mereka kata jgn makan red meat dan kurangkan makanan bergoreng itu saja. Memg kena lebihkan vegetables dan fruits. So akupun agak longgarlah sekarang dr segi pantang makanan tu. Sebab tu sekarang mee bandungpun aku bedal! Yg penting pada aku selagi aku rasa aku nak makan dan aku yakin, aku makan je. Aku btawakkal je pd Allah ...

Introducing : Prof Azimahtol Hawariah Lope Pihie

2008-12-13T08:30:00.005+08:00

Korang pernah dngar nama kat atas tu tak? Tak pernah? Akupun pada tak pernah jugak. Tapi rupanya Prof ni famous bukan shj di Mesia tp di luar negara jugak. Dia famous sebab dia banyak buat kajian tentang penyakit-penyakit menggunakan tumbuhan. Pelbagai awards dah diraihnya. Silalah pergi ke link ini untuk mengetahui profile dia lebih lanjut.

Korng ingat lg tak entry aku paal kenerak? Haa .. rupanya doktor nipun ada jlnkan kajian ttng cancer dan kenerak. Aku dpt info ni dari sepupu aku. Dia menyarankan agar aku mencuba ubat yg telah dikeluarkan oleh Prof ini. Akupun fikir boleh jugaklah mencuba sbb nak menunggu mesin radioterapi HUKM tu elokpun lambat lg. Kebetulan Prof inipun rumahnya di Bangi. Alamatnya ialah :

No.2 Jalan 1/9E 43650 Bandar Baru Bangi Selangor.
Contact no 03-8925 9639, Fax: 03-8926 1488
kalau tak dapat sila hubungi hp: 012- 366 9653
atau 012- 320 5141 rakan Prof tersebut: Dr Subari Shibani.

So satu pg tu aku ngan E-Yapun set offlah to Bangi untuk berjumpa dengan Prof tersebut. Rupa-rupanya rumah Prof ni tak jauh dari rumah Ustaz Mat Karman, jarak antaranya lebih kurang 1 km je. Sesampainya kami disitu kami terpaksa tunggu kejap sbb Prof belum mandi !! hehehe...Sambil tu sempat gaklah aku ngan E-Ya admire rumah banglo dia yg tersergam indah, ada 4 bijik kereta Mercedez kau... Rupanya dia buat clinic kat umah dia je.

Bila dah jumpa ngan Prof akupun terangkan tujuan aku ke sana dan apa sakit aku serta symptom-symptom yg aku rasa. Di pendikkan citer akhirnya Prof tu menyarankan aku makan pill dan ubat air yg telah diproses dr kenerak. Katanya insyaallah, kedua-dua ubat itu mampu utk membunuh sel-sel kanser. Harganya? Dah siap pakej utk kanser RM 600. Sekarang baru aku faham kenapa dia ada 4 kereta Merz dan aku hanya ada satu keta Chevrolet dan satu keta satria. Hahahaha...

Actually Prof ni bukan sahaja menjual ubat kanser yg dipanggil CANCARE shj. tp ada pelbagai lg ubat utk diabetes, asthma, psiorasis dsgnya. Semua ubat dia mendpt kelulusan dr Kem Kesihatan. Sapa yg berminat bolehlah contact dia di alamat yg aku bg kat atas tu.

So sementara menunggu rawatan radioterapi, aku pun mencuba ubat Prof Azimahtol Hawariah Lope Pihie ini.... Rasanya banyak ikthiar aku dah. Lepas ni apa pulak tak tahu lg...

^ ___ ^

2008-12-12T16:35:00.005+08:00

Kali ni aku memang mati kutu tak tau nak letak tajuk apa entry aku kali ni. Actually I just wanna continue where I left off before - the meeting with Dr Flora and Prof Fuad ...

Well lepas doktor berduatu habis jumpa dgn radiologist mereka naik semula ke atas. Prof Fuad excused himself and asked Dr. Flora to take over. Dr. Flora sat down and started to explain.

Rupanya masa dia org pergi jumpa radiologist, dia org minta pndgan radiologist ttng kes aku. Agaknya radiologist tu pun tngok gak image CT scan aku dan dia buat conclusion bgaimana cancer aku boleh merebak ke leher. Dia explain actually cancer boleh spread melalui dua cara iaitu, lymphnodes dan saluran darah. Kebetulan aku nyer melalui lymphnodes (kelenjar) sbb tu lah cancer tu boleh gi ke leher, dkt ngan kelenjar thyroid aku. Obviously my para aortic lymphnodes yg terletak berhampiran kawasan perutpun ter affected gak. Jd stage cancer tetap 4 dan bukannya 3.

Aku tanya gak ada bezake treatment utk org yg mempunyai cancer at different stages ni, Dr. Flora jwb mmg ada. Dia kata, normally kalau org tu stage 3 and below, treatment adalah curative, tp bg org yang stage 4 biasanya palliative. Dlm bahasa yg mudah, org yg mempunyai cancer stage 3 dan ke bawah ada harapan utk sembuh tp org yg stage 4 hanya diberi rawatan utk mengurangkan sahaja cancer itu dr. merebak seterusnya.

Mendengarkan itu, aku tanya dia, "So how long do I have?". Terkejut gak Dr. Flora tu aku tgk bila aku tanya soalan tu. Tapi dijawabnya dgn sungguh berhemah, "It's not up to me to tell you how long. All this is God's work. If you talk about death, sometimes healthy people if they walk outside and suddenly get run down by a car they can also die. They don't have to have cancer for that". Sambung dia lg, yg penting dicuba semua kemungkinan treatment and just leave it to God to do His work.

Betullah jugak kata doktor tu. Aku bukannya apa.. Selalu sgt tengok drama Melayu di TV agaknya. Biasanya kalau ada scene mcm ni doktor mesti ckp org tu ada berapa bulan ke atau berapa tahun ke lagi nak idup, betul tak? E-Ya pun bengang ngan aku time tu. Kata dia, "Apa lah Acik ni tanya soalan mcm tu".

So dr. Florapun schedulekan treatment utk aku iaitu menjalani radioterapi dahulu sbyk 10 kali selama dua minggu dijalankan tiap-tiap hari kecuali hari Sabtu dan Ahad. Tapi.... ada tapinya .... Menurut Dr. Flora ada satu masalah pulak sekarang. Korang nak tahu aper dia?

Ditakdirkan mesin radioterapi HUKM rosaklah pulak !!! Iye ROSAK dah seminggu pulak tu. Korang boleh percaya tak? Masatu aku betul-betul rasa nasib aku ni mcm dah jatuh, ditimpa tangga, lepas tu pulak tersembam ke lantai, atas lantaitu ada taik kucing! Haa .. gitulah lebih kurang.

Aku tanya bila mesin tu boleh elok , Dr. Flora kata diapun tak tahu blla tp pihak HUKM dah ambil tindakanlah. Aku ada juga tanya kat dia samada bolehtak aku buat radioterapi ni di private hospital, dia kata boleh, tp it will also take time as the new hospital will maybe need to do tests and liase ngan HUKM so memakan masa jugak. And by that time katanya, mungkin mesin HUKM dahpun elok diperbaiki. Aku ngan E-Ya betul-betul terkedu masa tu... Aku pandang dia , dia pandang aku.

Lastly aku cakap ngan Dr. Flora if by one month's time aku tak dpt rawatan, aku akan pergi jugak ke hospital private dan Dr. Flora angguk je kepala dia. Diapun cakap dia akan call aku as soon as the machine is OK and dia letakkan my next appointment to be on the 18th of November 2008. Masa aku jumpa Dr. Flora ni tarikhnya adalah 4 November. Bererti aku tak de apa-apa treatment selama hampir 2 minggu... Apa pulak yg aku nak buat yek???

Pulak dah ...

2008-12-12T07:36:00.002+08:00

Tempoh seminggu aku dah tamat, so akupun kembali semula ke HUKM pada 28 Oktober 2008. Aku sekali lg dimasukkan ke wad pengasingan utk mencuba kembali Chemo yg gagal diteruskan minggu lepas. Seperti biasa sampel darah diambil utk melihat samada aku cukup kuat menjlani chemo itu nanti. Jd kalau ambil darah hari ni bererti chemo akan berlaku esok.

Tapi esok harinya, sampai pkul 11 aku tak menjlni chemo lg. Sampai dah habis waktu makan tengahari pun tak de doktor masuk. E-Ya masa tu ada dan walaupun masa melawat dah habis, dia masih tak balik sebab dia nak tunggu sampai aku start chemo. Katanya biar dia standby takut-takut jadi mcm dulu tu. Kami bosan menunggu sampai kami siap berjln-jln keluar wad lg. Tp taklah pegi jauh sgt takut nanti dicari tak jumpa, dah hospital ingat aku lari pulak nanti. Akupun bertanya kpd nurse yg bertugas bilakah aku akan menjlni chemo. Nurse tu ckp' "Tunggu doktor dari radiology masuklah kak, rasanya ada perubahan". Dalam hati aku apa pulak kenanya kali ni.

Lebih kurang pukul 4.00 ptg, seorang perempuan berbangsa Tionghua berambut kerinting mcm mee maggi, berbadan kecil masuk ke bilik aku. Mulanya aku tak tahupun dia doktor. Dia masuk dan memperkenalkan dirinya sebagai Doktor Flora dr bahagian Oncology. Unik namanya. E-Ya panggil dia Doktor Flora Fauna. Ada-ada je bdak ni.

Doktor Flora bertanya kat aku beberapa soalan tentang sakit aku dan apakah jenis rawatan yg telah aku terima sebelum ini. Selesai aku terangkan, dia kemudian bertanya lagi, "Do you know what they're goin to do to you next?"

"I believe Prof Hatta and Dr. Suguna did mentioned earlier that I'm to undergo three kinds of treatment i.e chemotherapy, surgery and lastly followed up by radiotherapy. But then last week I had my first chemo and it was not successful. I developed allergies after about 15 minutes of treatment", jwb aku. Tiba-tiba pulak Dr. Flora tu mengeluh. Aii, apa kena pulak ni, kata hati aku.

Dr. Flora : "That is the problem now. They (dia maksudkan bhgn Gynae) should have consulted us first before they did the chemo to you". Diapun kemudiannya terangkanlah situasi sebenar apa yg patutnya berlaku. Menurut nya:

Kes aku ni sepatutnya dari awal lg dirujuk ke bahagian dia, iaitu Oncology dan bukannya Gynae-Oncology. Oncology ni adalah bahagian yg berkaitan dengan tumors. Oncologylah yg biasanya merawat pesakit-pesakit cancer, tak kira cancer apapun. Jadi bila aku ada complications masa chemo tu pihak Gynae-Oncology telah menghubungi mereka utk mintak nasihat. Tu yg dia org agak bengang agaknya sbb bila dah ada masalah baru gelabah nak cari dia org.

Dr. Flora kemudian minta persetujuan aku utk membenarkan dia ambil alih kes aku dan letakkan aku bawah Oncology. Aku kata, "Do what you think is best. I've no objection towards that".

So bermula dr itu akupun diletakkan di bawah Oncology dan rawatan aku bermula dgn radiotherapy terlebih dahulu. Aku akan diberikan 10 sesi radiotheraphy tujuannya ialah utk mengecutkan tumor dan mengurangkan kesakitan dan pendarahan. Keputusan dr radiotherapy itu nanti akan menentukan bila masa yg sesuai utk aku dibedah.

Sebelum radioterapi, aku diminta berjumpa dgn Dr. Flora bersama-sama dgn sorg pakar oncology lg iatu Prof Fuad, utk membincangkan situasi aku. Mereka merujuk balik gambar CT Scan aku utk melihat sekali lg masalah aku. Aku pelik gak masa tu kenapalah doktor-doktor ni susah sgt nak tentukan apakah treatment yg sesuai buat aku. Rupa-rupanya begini (mengikut citer Dr. Flora pd aku) :

Doktor sebenarnya tak pasti samada nak letakkan cancer aku stage 3 atau stage 4. Kenapa boleh jd begitu? Well, ingat lg tak aku kata awal dulu yg result Ct Scan aku menyatakan semua organ-organ aku spt spleen, kidney, pancreas dll yg dekat ngan pelvic area tu OK? Well itulah yg memeningkan kepala doktor-doktortu. Dia org heran nape cancer aku tak attack bhgn-bhgn tu dulu tp boleh terus naik ke leher. Biasanya org kalau kena cancer mcm aku, organs bhgn-bhgn dkt pelvis tulah yg akan mula-mula affected tp aku punya lainlah pulak...

Berkali-kali aku tgk Dr. Flora dan Prof Fuad perhatikan gambar CT Scan aku. Meanwhile aku dok terponggok atas kerusi ngan E-Ya di sebelah. A few minutes later Dr. Flora minta excuse, katanya dia ngan Prof Fuad nak pegi jumpa pakar radiology di tingkat bawah. So tinggallah aku ngan E-Ya dlm bilik tu. Haa.. time tu lah aku ngan E-Ya sempat bergosip-gosip...

Si E-Ya rupanya bila Dr-Dr. berdua tu sibuk memandang gambr CT scan aku, dia pulak sibuk memandang Prof Fuad! Siap tolak-tolak kaki aku lg... Hee bdak ni Prof tua mcm gitu pun dia boleh terkagum melihat.. Tp actually Prof Fuad tu tua tuapun hensem ... Hahahaha ... Korang kalau nak tau itulah keja si E-ya kat HUKM ni - keja dia memandang doktor-doktor. Ni belum citer lg pasal Dr. Shihab lg ni.... Oklah ..Oklah.. aku citer sikit...

Dr. Shihab adalah doktor on duty kat wad Berlian di mana aku diwardedkan dulu. Doktor ni muda lg, bapaknya Melayu tp maknya org Arab daaa... Mcm mana aku tahu? Well, aku dgr dia citer kat nurse satu hari tu. Nurses kt sini yg mana yg masih muda mmg suka gak mengedik kt Dr. Shihab tu tp aku tngk doktor tu cool je. Cuma dia kalut sikit. Ada ke patut satu hari tu dia berlari-lari dlm ward kehulu kehilir masa merawat patient, itu tak termasuk E-Ya tertengok dia tertonggeng tido keletihan atas kerusi lg tu.

Yelah mcm mana tak letih, korang boleh percaya tak yg doktor-doktor ni kadang-kadang kena kerja sampai 36 jam sblm boleh off? Ini aku dpt tahu dr sorang lg doktor namanya Dr. Tan bila aku tanya kenapa dia je asyik ada kat ward tu sama-sama ngan Dr. Shihab. Kalau tak silap aku Dr. Tan houseman lg, manakala Dr. Shihab tu dah jd doktor tp tgh belajar nak buat specialisation dlm darah. Termasuk dia org berdua, ada lah lg doktor-doktor lain yg bergilir-gilir on duty kat dalm Wad Berliantu.

First day aku dtg dr Pusrawi lg, Dr. Shihablah antara doktor yg pertama sekali peksa aku. Masa mula-mula dtg dulu tu kan aku sakit perut sikit, so akupun keje nya nak landing aje. Akupun suruhlah E-Ya tutup kain langsir kat katil aku tu. Lepas beberapa minit kemudian, without warning tiba-tiba kain langsir tu diselak open. Aku terkejut, E-Ya terkejut, Dr. Shihab lglah terkejut! Yelah mana tak terkejutnya... nengok anak sedara aku terponggok kat situ.. apa kata org mata bertentang mata, lidah kelu tak terkata ... gitu gitu le lebih kurang... lepastulah aku tgk betapa gelabahnya Dr. Shihab ni. Sampai dia tersasul panggil aku Professor! Betul... dia dtg dtg je tanya, "Akak ni yg professor tu ye?"

Aku jwp, "Taklah saya cikgu je belum Professor lg". Time tu E-Ya dah ketawa dah... rupa-rupanya Dr. Shihab silap baca report, yg Professor tu ditujukan buat Prof Hatta, bukannya aku ... Apa dah ...

Dr. Shihab ni antara tugas dia ialah mengambil darah aku. Boleh dikatakan masa baru-baru masuk dulu aku ni asyik kena ambik darah je. Masa di Pusrawi dulu yg selalu ambik darah aku adalah nurses, tp di HUKM Dr. Shihablah yg paling kerap keje dia ambik darah aku. Sampai satu hari tu aku tanya dia, "Ni selalu-selalu ambik darah ni tak habis ke darah saya nanti?" Ada ke patut?

Ada satu hari tu, seperti biasa Dr. Shihab dtg kat katil aku sekali lg nak ambil darah. Masa tu spt biasalah E-Ya ada dudk kat kerusi di sebelah aku. Nampak aje Dr. Shihab E-Ya dah kenyit-kenyit mata kat aku. Hishh.. bdak ni...

Seperti biasa akupun siap hulur tangan. Tp sabor je lah... Memanglah doktor Shihab ni ambil darah aku tp .. mata dia asyik kejap-kejap pandang E-Ya, kejap-kejap pandang E-Ya .. Si E-Ya pulak masa tu control ayu, buat-buat baca buku.. Korang nak tau apa jadi? Masa Dr. Shihab nak tarik kuar jarum injectiontu, tiba-tiba darah aku memancut keluar sampai terpercik sikit ke lantai! Sabor je lah... Lepas tu tersipu-sipu dia apologise dan lapkan tangan aku. Pergi je dia dr katil aku si E-Ya apa lagi... tergelak besar terbahak-bahak... Aku ketuk kepala dia. Si E-Ya memang tu lah favorite pass time dia ... pantang nampak mamat dahi licin...

P/s: Kepada Bf E-Ya, jgn risau - awak TETAP MENJD POJAAN HATI NYA ... Uwek nyampah aku dgr..!

Hari-hari selepas tu mcm gitu le. Kalau ada E-Ya ngan aku Dr. Shihabpun tahap glabah dia meningkat. Hari tu ambil darah sampai memancut keluar, esoknya boleh tertinggal pulak pen dia kt katil aku, esoknya lg tertingggal kertas report dia pulak, yg paling teruk sampai ada satu ketika tu, boleh tak keluar pulak darah aku bila dia sedut dgn syringe. Kena pulak cucuk kat tempat lain sampai dua tiga kali, baru boleh keluar. Ingat gambar tgn aku kena balut mcm muka P. Ramlee tu tak? Haa... itu keje Dr. Shihablah tu...

Eh! dh dekat kul 10 am rupanya. Patutlah perut aku lapar. Hehehe jgn marah aku nak gi buat breakfast kejap. Nampaknya citer pasal Dr. Flora dan Prof Fuad gi ke radiology tu aku sambung lain kalilah ye....

Kenerak - Apa kebende tu?

2008-12-09T20:05:00.000+08:00

Setelah operasi menyapu bwng putih gagal, aku diberitahu pulak oleh kakak aku di Kelantan supaya mencuba perubatan secara Islam. Separuh org tak cayo pengamal perubatan Islam ni, yelah pada mereka zaman dah moden mana ada guna air-air penawar dan jampi-jampi Quran ni. Tapi ketahuilah korang wahai umat manusia ... masa aku wat Masters di UIA dulu, salah satu subjek elektif aku adalah Islamic Aqedah. Masatu kami ada belajar pasal "Prophetic Medicine" and "Islamic Medicine". Jd perubatan Islam yg menggunakan ayat Quran ni sebenarnya adalah asas kpd "Prophetic Medicine" itu dah sudah mula digunakan sejak zaman Nabi lg. kalau korang nak tahu lebih lanjut google je kat internet. Mesti ada punya citer dia. OK, OKlah aku bglah satu drp linknya di sini. Yg lain cari sendirilah ye...

Kebetulan kakak aku ada adik ipar yg duduk di Serdang, kenal akan seorg Ustaz namanya Mat Karman duduk di Bangi. Dipendikkan citer dia ni pernahlah mengubat org yg sakit bermacam-macam termasuklah cancer. So kakak akupun sarankan supaya aku menyuruh adik aku menghubngi Ustaz tu utk appointment. Tapi mak oii, punyalah susah nak dptkan masa nak jumpa Ustaz ni. Berapa kali adik aku contact tak dpt-dpt. Setelah dua tiga hari mcuba akhirnya baru dpt, so akupun pergilah ke umah Ustaz tu pd Hari Deepavalli yg lalu bersama adik aku dan E-Ya.

Sesampainya aku di situ akupun dibacakan beberapa ayat suci alQuran oleh Ustaztu dan diberikan air utk buat minum dan mandi. Dia juga ada mengajar aku beberapa amalan seperti membaca Surah Al-Fatihah sekali dan surah al-Ikhlas 4 kali dlm satu nafas. Di samping itu dia menyuruh aku menghafal juga 4 ayat pertama Surah al-Qalam setiap kali aku menyapu air ke bahagian perut yg sakit dan lain-lain lg.

Sebelum kami balik dia ada beritahu bahawa ada sejenis pokok namanya KENERAK yg biasa digunakan oleh org dahulu kala utk mengubati kanser. Dia kata kalau dpt pokok tu rebus semua bhgn dr pokok itu, seperti daun, btg, akar, bunga dsnya dan minum airnya masa perut kosong, seperti masa time nak tido. Pokok kenerak ni pulak hanya boleh didpti di Kelantan shj. Mulanya kami ckplah ngan Ustaz tu kami tak tahu apa pokok keneraktu dan inilah kali pertama kami mndgrnya. Diapun agaknya kesian nengok aku yg kurus ni, dia lalu masuk dlm umah dia dan amek satu plastik dah siap berisi ngan sdkit kenerak. Dia kata ambillah, ini ajepun yg ada pd dia. Cuma dia pesan kali pertama minum kepala boleh "biol" sekejap. Betul Ustaz tu gunakan perkataan "biol" aku tak tipu punya. Tp yg dia maksudkan sebenarnya pening lah... Kamipun mngucapkan tima kasih dan bertolak balik umah. FIY Ustaz ni mengubat org tak ambil duit. Bg pada diapun dia akan bg balik ke kita, so kamipun bg kat dia sdkit buah tgn berupa barng makanan.

Malamnya sebelum nak tido aku dah siap-siap rebuskan pokok kenerak tu. Si E-Ya biasalah tak abis-abis usik cakap, "Hah...jaga jaga nanti Acik biol ...". Mangkuk ayun btulllah bdak tu. Well actually bila aku dah minum ubat keneraktu aku tunggu gak lah kepala aku jd biol tp tunggu punya tunggu tak de pun. So akupun tidurlah dengan lena pd malam itu.

Esoknya pun kepala aku OK je. Bersyukur aku tak pening beriya-iya tp sikit-sikit tu adalah. Sempat jugalah aku minum sampai 6 kali air rebusan kenerak tu sebelum stok yg diberi Ustaz tu habis. Sementara itu aku contact kakak aku di Kelantan minta tolong dia kalau-kalau boleh dptkan pokok kenerak buat aku. Diapun janji yg dia akan cuba carikan.

Sebenarnya selain dari kenerak Ustaz Mat Karman ni ada ckp kalau boleh cari kapur kulit kerang. Kapur kulit kerang ni adalah kapur yg diperbuat dr kulit kerang. Eh.. apa aku ckp ni? Dah namanyapun kapur kulit kerang mestilah diperbuat dr kulit kerang, takkan dr kulit badak pulak kot ...

Kapur kulit kerang ni gunanya di sapu kat tmpt sakit tp dinasihatkan jgn sapu tebal-tebal sapukan campuran yg cair, kerana ianya panas. Kata Ustaz tu effectnya sama mcm chemotherapy atau radioterapilah lebih kurang. Hendak menyapukan kapur ni ke kulitpun ada syaratnya. Masa sapu mesti baca al-fatihah dan surah al-Ikhlas 4 kali dalam satu nafas, diakhiri dgn berselawat 7 kali. Mesti buat setiap 2 jam sekali dan diselang dgn minum air yg telah Ustaz jampi 2 jam sekali juga. Tp tak boleh sapu ngan jari mesti menggunakan akar dr sejenis rumput namanya rumput "Salman" kalau tak silap aku (aku dngar Salman bukan Shah Rukh Khan, hua hua hua ...). Rumputni boleh djumpai di kawasan yg banyak rumput biasa. Ia akan tumbuh di tepi atau di antara rumput-rumput biasa. Akarnya kuat berbanding rumput biasa.

Kalau kenerak tu susah nak cari, kapor kulit kerangni lglah. Tapi nasib baik bila aku beritahu kakak aku yg duduk di Kelantan tu, dia kata tak pe dia akan carikan. Dan dia berjaya dapatkan. Korang tahu di mana? Di Selatan Thailand, daerah Pattani sana. As for the akar rumput Salman, itu tugas aku ngan E-YA dan kami juga berjaya mendapatkan. Nak tahu di mana? Di Taman Tasik Titiwangsa... terponggok kami berdua mncabut rumput tu sambil mata melilau memerhatikan kalau kalau ada tukang kebun datang. Takut kena marah babe ... takut dia ingat kami buat ntah apa-apa pg pg tepi petak bunga tu... Silap-silap boleh kena halau dgn cangkul nanti. Kan nayaaa...!

Setelah berjaya dan semua bahan ada, akupun mulalah menyapu kapur kulit kerang tu ke perut dan leher aku. Habis putih-putih baju aku sampai ke leher-leher. Nasib baik tak de kena kat dahi, kalau tidak nanti korang tak leh kenal mana satu aku, mana satu Samy Velooo ... Hua hua hua...!

Perut Oh Perut ...

2008-12-09T05:31:00.002+08:00

Sementara menunggu masa seminggu utk chemo ulangan, aku tak dok diam je di rumah sebenarnya. Berita aku cancer ni rupanya telah spread sampaikan aku tak menang tangan menerima bermcm-mcm tips, cadangan atau saranan baik dr kawan, mahupun saudara mara utk dicuba sbg perawatan alternatif. Dalam banyak-banyak tu satu yg aku tak boleh lupa, rasanya sampai bila-bilapun. Nak tahu apa? Begini citernya ...

Satu pg aku terima pnggilan tepon dr. E-Ya punya maklang, namanya Kak Ani, iaitu kakak kpd bapak E-Ya. Aku terkejut gaklah sebab dah dekat 15 thn rasanya aku tak jumpa atau bercakap ngan dia. Mcm org lain, dia ni tepon nak bg aku cadangan jugaklah. Nak jd citer, dia kata diapun dulu pernah cancer (breast). Aku tahulah ni. Dia dahpun jalani operation dan alhamdullilah lepas tu baik sehinggalah baru-baru ni.

Menurutnya, dia rasa kanser dia dah dtg balik tp dia tak mahu pergi hospital. Sebab apa aku tak tanyalah pulak. Kebetulan dia ada kawan yg mana anak kawan dia tu adalah seorg doktor. Doktortupun kata pd dia jgn pegi hospital, cuba perawatan secara tradisional. Tak pernahlah pulak aku dengar doktor ckp mcm ni tp .. ahh tak kisahlah kata hati aku. Doktortu yg suggest cuba perawatan alternatif tu kat dia.

So Kak Anipun bgtahu kat aku yg sekarang dia amalkan minum air beroksigen selain dari meletakkan bawang putih kat leher dia dan biarkan semalaman. Kebetulan dia prasan leher dia berketul & I suppose dia rasa cancer dia dah merebak kat situlah. Dia jg ckp boleh amalkan rendam bwng putih semalaman dlm satu gelas, lepastu minum airnya. Boleh bunuh cell cancer, katanya. Jd boleh dikatakan tiap-tiap hari dia akan remindkan aku (ataupun E-Ya) amalkan perkara-perkara tu. Dia kata kat aku kalau boleh jgnlah nak sampai kena operate-operate ni. Laa...mcmlah aku ada choice. Kalau doktor kata nak operate takkan aku nak ckp, "Yo Doc... I demand not to be operated upon". Mahu aku kalau tak kena lepuk, kena lecture habis-habisan ngan doktor nanti. Nonetheless, aku btima kasihlah pd Kak Ani kerana memberikan aku petuatu.

So satu hari tu akupun suruhlah E-Ya gi pharmacy beli bandage. Sebelum tu, terbang duit Mak E-Ya RM 70 belanja aku belikan air beroksigen cap "Oxy-Pi d'lonik" keluaran DCL. Bila E-Ya balik dr farmasi ngan bandage, akupun suruh dia gi dapur tumbuk beberapa ulas bawang putih. Selang beberapa minit E-Yapun dtg membawa bwng putih yg telah siap ditumbuk dalam piring kecil.

Lepas tu dengan confidentnya E-Ya menyuruh aku baring, katanya biar dia sapu dan letakkan atas perut aku, di kawasan yg selalu sakit tu. Mulanya dia sapu dan letakkan dari hujung kanan perut sampai hujung kiri perut. Bdak ni kalau boleh dia nak lumur satu perut aku ngan bwng tu tp nasib aku ckp, "Buat apa letak jauh jauh. Sakitnya di sini bukan di sinuun...!".

Lepas habis sapu kat perut, E-Yapun balutlah perut aku dgn bandage yg dibeli td. Kat leher aku yg bengkakpun E-Ya sapu juga tapi aku ckp tak payah balutlah, nanti mati tercekik pulak aku. Maklumlah kena biar semalaman... Mula-mula letak bwng tu tak rasa apa pun tp bila dah memanjat ke 1 jam kemudiantu aku mula rasa pedih di perut. Aku berkata pd E-Ya, "Wah dah mula berfungsi bwng putih ni, Acik boleh rasa dia pedih-pedih sikit dah". At that time aku ingat bwng putih tu dah mula menjalankan fungsinya mengecilkan tumor cancer aku. So malamnya tu akupun tidolah dengan balutan bawang putih diperut aku....

Pagi esoknya aku bangun, aku tengok balutan di perut masih ada dan rasa pedihpun masih terasa. Akupun bangun lah nak pegi mandi ... Masuk bilik air akupun bukalah bandage di perut dan nasib baik aku tak menjerit ... Kalau dulu perut aku cantik (kenapa, tak percaye ke ...), sekarang aku boleh nampak pattern terbentuk atasnya! Mcm corak batik je rupanya. Akupun cepat-cepat mandi dan lepas tu kuar gi tengok cermin. Aku nak tengok adakah leher aku juga berpattern mcm perut aku. Nasib baik tak de!

Akupun gi bilik E-Ya dan bgtau dia apa dah jd pd perut aku. Aku ingat lg aku cakap, "Kau nak tau apa dah jd pada perut Acik? Matilah Acik kalau doktor peksa nanti. Apa nak jawab?". Lepastu akupun tunjukkan perut aku kat dia. Mulanya dia terkejut gak lah tp lepas tu dua-dua org kami ketawa... Ada ke?

E-Ya : " Acik mengapa jd mcm tu?"

Aku : "Manalah Acik tahu. Ni nak jwb apa kat doktor ni kalau dia nampak mcm ni. Perut dah mcm corak batik dah ni. Nasib baik kat leher Acik tak balut semalam, kalau tidak mesti bertanda gak. Nanti doktor fikir, pompuan ni sakit-sakitpun ada 'love bite'..." Hishhh...malunyer aku memikirkan kalau itulah yg berlaku.

Si E-Ya ni pun satu. Dia bukan nak simpati kat aku dia boleh kata begini lg, "Kalau Ya tahu bwng putihtu boleh buat pattern mcm tu, baik Ya susun jer bwng tu tulis I LOVE YOU kat perut Acik" Hampehnyer bdak...

Begitulah ye ... aku rupanya tak tahu yg bwng putihtu panas, boleh melepohkan kulit mcm terbakar dibuatnya. Nasib baik balut semalaman kalau seminggu, mahu berlobang perut aku dibuatnya. Tobat tobat ...

Sampai hari ni perut aku berparut. Dan lebih malang lg setiap kali doktor ke, nurse ke check perut aku kenalah aku tebalkan muka ckp parut tu akibat mendengar petua org tua-tua. Dia orgpun angguk-angguk mcm fahamlah tp dlm hati tak taulah apa dia org cakap. Aku pulak ... dah nasib badannn...

Global Warming

2008-12-08T15:10:00.000+08:00

Kali ni kita take a break ye... Bosan gak kan asyik-asyik dngar citer pasal hospital, ubat, sakit dan yg sewaktu dngannya. Kali ni biarlah aku mnulis pasal benda lain pulak.

Sebagai cikgu Sains, saban tahun topik "Global Warming" akan sentiasa dibincangkan dalam syllabus Science, baik masa di Form 4 ataupun Form 5. Aku akan terangkan pd bdak-bdak itu bgaimana global warming terjadi dan apakah effectsnya pada kita. Topik ni senang je. Tp ntahlah bdak-bdak sekarang mereka sgtlah lemah esp. dlm aspek "visualization".

For example: Aku punyalah penat bgtau effects of Global Warming spt suhu bumi akan menjd lebih panas, sampai boleh mencairkan iceberg di kutub utara dan selatan meneggelamkan kawasan-kawasan rendah dan jg menyebabkan kawasan-kawasan lain banjir. Tp bdak-bdak ni kadang-kadang apa yg aku terangkan tu tak lekat dlm pale hotak mereka. Pada mereka, kalau perkara tu mereka tak experience, nampak atau rasa sendiri, maka susahlah mereka nak mengingatkan fakta-faktanya. So satu hari tu aku ambil keputusan utk simplifykan penyampaian dgn berikan mereka contoh yg m'babitkan kehidupan seharian mereka. Aku tunjukkan gambar ini kpd mereka sebagai bukti ...

Effects of Global Warming

Lepas tu mereka semuanya faham ....!