Apa dah jadi ???

Inilah entry yg aku maksudkan yg telah disabotaj oleh E-Ya haritu. Hanya a few paragraphs atas je yg original, yg lain semua kena taip balik. Tapi pokoknya keseluruhan contentnya lebih kurang macam yg asal. Inipun jenuh jugak membuatnya ni. Here goes...

*****************************************************************************************************************************************

Emmmmm ...... chak!

It's been a while ya? Firstly, I've been busy receiving guests to my house. Not for any particular event, just relatives paying visit. My sister, my brother, my cousins and my aunt. Secondly, I have not been feeling well. Nothing serious though, but sometimes I have aches and pain that are truly unbearable.

I don't know how and why my situation is as such. I completed my second round of radiotherapy to the aortic lymph nodes and neck in mid February. Back then the only side effect I endured was the sore in my throat and because of that I had trouble swallowing food and water. Tapi nak survive punya pasal, terjegil-jegil biji matapun tak kisah. Telan je semua. Syukur that ordeal lasted for only about 3 weeks. Other than that nothing. I was not nauseous nor was I fatigue. Other supposedly known side effects I read from the internetpun I tak kena. Alhamdullilah for that.

I even had time to go holidaying with my nieces to Penang and Langkawi, remember? In Langkawi, I even went Island hopping, naik cable car and what not. This was just 2 weeks after my radiotherapy ni. Betul-betul tak ingat dunialah time tu. For island hopping we hired a boat to go to Tasik Dayang Bunting and two other islands. The journey was not tiring but the boat ride was sure bumpy. The boat rocked up and down against the waves and masya Allah masa tu rasa macam my uterus pun turut bounced, atas bawah tunggang terbalik je dalam perut. Nasib baik tak jd apa-apa. OK je. After that, life was pretty normal. My health was good and I enjoyed doing all the normal things I do.

But of late, three weeks back to be exact, I have been having this muscle twitch. Some call it twitch, some call it cramp while others call it spasms. Whatever the term is, it sure is driving me crazy. The muscle that is giving me problem is the muscle around my abdomen, just below the rib cage. It's the spot where I got my lymph nodes radiated. It's not that painful actually. The feeling is just like you've just had a slight electric shock, or like someone had just given you a sharp poke and you suddenly jolt yourself forward, backward or sideways depending on where the twitch is. Each twitch normally lasts a few seconds and is at an interval of a few minutes between each twitch. Luckily now I know how to control and not jolt so much. If not it can be quite embarassing. Yelah... if it happens in public, those who do not know that I am not well, will think, "Apa kena pompuan ni? Tiba-tiba je terlentik kiri, kanan, depan dan belakang"? Paling tidakpun they'll think I'm doing some kind of dance routine ke hape. Tak ke haruuu ..?

The twitch as described above is not a problem. But the one that really bothers me is when several twitches occurs concurrently along the whole stretch of the abdomen, sometimes spreading to the back. Boy, when that happens ... my body will be in pain and I have difficulty breathing, with the chest feeling tight. My abdomen will be hard as rock, sensitive to touch and I have to take deep breaths to minimise the pain. Most of the time this method works. If not I will lie down sideways with pillows slightly raised, zikr and pray for the pain to subside and my breathing back to normal. Paling tidakpun I'll try to fall asleep with the pain because when I wake up it's usually gone. If this also fails then it's the pain killers for me. What kind of problem is thislah?

Well, I guess I'll only know if it's anything serious when I go see my doctor. I have two appointments in waiting. One's tommorow, the other on 26 May. The former with O&G while the latter with the Onco unit. Only then will I know what's wrong with me. I pray to God that it's nothing.

Another problem that I notice I'm going through is lymphedema (secondary). Lymphedema is the buildup of lymph fluid resulting in swelling, tightness and discomfort to the affected areas. Damage to or blockage of the lymph system is the cause of lymphedema and in cancer patients, this damage is usually due to surgery or radiation therapy. I was radiated at the pelvis, aortic lymph nodes and neck area. The infusion of veins and lymph nodes must have cause some kind of blockage to my lymphatic system in those areas and as a result I have fluid buildup at the lower pelvic area. Not painful though. Thank God the alMighty for that.

If the conditon is not serious such as in my case (I think), lymphedema can be managed through exercise (see the link here) and wearing of tight garment to the affected area. Wearing of tight garment to the affected area??? Ahaaa...

Now let's see... I am affected at the pelvis, meaning the suitable garment there would be pants. Tak kira lerr yg luar ke atau yg dalam. Hemm... imagine .... me wearing tight leathery pants like the one worn by CATWOMAN or maybe me with seluar kecik like WONDERWOMAN doing my morning walk. Huu huuu... wouldn't that be marvellous, eh? Err... bertebiat apa aku??? Ada yang bakal lari lintang pukang nanti... Hihihi...

Lately I have also noticed that I am becoming quite forgetful sometimes. I will forget where I put my purse, my car keys, my watch. my spectacles. I will also sometimes forget whether I have done the things that I need to be done. Maybe E-Ya's theory that some of my "wires" dah putus might be true after all. I also tend to say something else when in actual I mean another thing. Tongue slip ups, so's to speak. This slip ups can sometimes be quite hilarious and sometimes embarassing . Here are some examples:

Scene 1 : E-Ya and me at a food stall. Behind the food stall is a mini market.

E-Ya : "Acik, nak beli lauk apa ni?"

Me : "Belilah apa pun. Tapi 3 lauk, sayur jgn lupa". With that I handed her RM 12. Then I continued, "Lepas beli

tu tunggu Acik kat sini. Acik nak masuk mini market tu beli BMW".

Punyalah tak sedar what I've just said.

E-Ya : "Apa? BMW? Acik nak beli BMW dalam mini market tu? Sure?"

Ding Donggg...! Man... what was I thinking? Manalah aku ada duit ratus ribu ribu ribu nak beli BMW. Mati, hidup, mati lepas itu hidup balikpun takkan merasa pakai BMW punyalah. And even if I have the cash, takkanlah BMW ada jual kat dalam mini market, ye tak? Sungguh tak logik. We then laughed our heads off depan adik jual lauk yang terpinga-pinga melihat kami time tu.

Scene 2 : E-Ya and me at home. E-Ya was getting ready to go out for her tutoring job.

Me : " Hari ni tuition balik lambat kan? Acik ingat Acik nak keluar pegi Carrefour beli baranglah"

E-Ya : "Tak payahlah. Tunggu aje bila Ya free. Kita pergi beli sama-sama. Lagipun nanti bila dah beli barang, Acik tak larat nak bawak, berat".

Me : "Alah... macam tak biasa. Kan trailer ada".

E-Ya : "Berapa lori barang yang Acik nak beli sampai kena guna trailer ni?"

Oppss... I did it again. The word trolley boleh tukar jadi trailer. Again we laughed at my mistake.

Scene 3 : E-Ya and me at home watching TV. The show was showing the singer Camelia wearing a dress designed by Tom Abang Saufi. E-Ya kind of liked the dress and asked me if I know the fashion.

E-Ya : "Cantikan baju dia Acik? Kalau Ya pakaipun mesti cantik jugak" (PRASAN...)

Me : "Alah bajutu simple je lah. Two piece tu. Inner dia t'shirt putih biasa je. Yang kat luar tu dia guna batik,macam baju Jepun komino tu, cuma pendik dengan tali di depan. Tak susahlah"

E-Ya : "Apa? Komino? Putus wire ek? Kimonolah ... apa daa Acik ni..."

Me : "Acik sebut komino ke? Eleh... ta kisahlah. Itu nasib baik lagi tu Acik sebut komino. Kalau Acik sebut KOMODO, amacam"?

Scene 4 : My sister, E-Ya and me in the living room. My sister was packing her bags to go back to Kelantan.

Me : "E-Ya pergi ambik coklat utk Along bawak balik. Ada dalam almari tu. Nanti lupa".

E-Ya : "Okay"

Diapun berjalanlah ke dapur ambik coklat DAIM yang banyak org suka kirim kalau sapa-sapa pergi Langkawi. Dengar khabar coklat tu kat KL ni harganya 2x ganda mahal dari Langkawi. Ntah apa sedapnya pun I don't know.

Me : "Kak, tu je ada ole-ole dari Langkawi. Dulu ada gak satu lagi coklat laintu. Dalam dia ada kelapa, luar nya salut coklat. Sedap jugak. Namanya coklat BON BON. Tapi dah habislah pulak"

Masatu terdengar E-Ya tergelak besar terbahak-bahak dari dapur. Aku jadi pelik. Apa kes budak ni, tiba-tiba gelak mcm tu. Meroyan apa?

E-Ya : "Apa Acik? BON BON? Hahahaha ... BON BONlah sangat. Coklat tu namanyer BOUNTY lahh... Hahahaha. Coklat BON BON tu coklat Acik agaknya... Hahaha... Nasib baik tak sebut BONTON !"

"Tak klakarpun", kata hati aku. But nevertheless, masa tu teruk jugaklah aku kena ketawa semata-mata disebabkan dek perkataan BON BON tu.

Those are just 4 examples of slip ups that I've committed and luckily it's just between me and family. There are others, but I can't remember. But there's this one incident that I cannot forget and I called it the "mother of all scenes". It happened last week. It's like this:

E-Ya and me were on our way back from our morning exercise. She was driving and we're heading to this mamak restaurant to buy breakfast. It was decided we'll have roti canai that morning. Normally we'll buy 2 roti telur and 2 plain ones. But today we wanted to add our order to 3 roti telur and 4 plain ones.

Once arrived, E-Ya parked the car and I got out. I have been to this restuarant before and the mamak has already recognised me. From far I could see him nodding his head acknowledging me. As usual, I will normally go straight to him to place my order. I will stand in front him, say my order and wait while watching him as he "tebar" his roti. OKlah tu...

However that day something else happened. I started off by putting up three fingers, opened my mouth to say out my order, but the words that came out were only these - "Telur... telur ... err ... telur...." slowly pulak tu...

The mamak was puzzled, raised one of his eye brow, "Huh?" he said.

I patted my head several times with one hand while the other hand is still showing the three fingers to the mamak and said, "Alah hai .... apa yerr...?" I was totally blank. Serious, I did not remember anything else except the word "TELUR".

"Kakak mau apa?", the mamak asked already impatient, I guess. Before I answered him I took one deep breadth, rolled up my eyes trying hard to think, waited several seconds and quickly blurted "Bagi saya 3 roti telur, 4 roti biasa...!". Fuhhh! Finally got that right!

"Ohhh, itu ka?" the mamak said, smilling. "OK" moving his head the way Indian folks do.

When I entered the car I related the incident to E-Ya. She laughed and laughed and laughed until I had to asked her to stop. Then she said, "Acik, ntah apalah mamak tu ingat... "

Oh well. Let's just hope the mamak doesn't think I'm some kind of lady pervert sudah... Let's see if he gives me the "LOOK" next time I go buy roti canai from him. If he does, I think I'll have to find another place to buy roti canai then. Malu seh...

So that's what is happening to me right now. I am not worried about this forgetfulness or slip ups as long as it does not affect my illness much. Come to think of it, sometimes it's things like these that brighten up my day. It makes my family and me happy. Happy means more endorphins produced. More endorphins mean my cancer cells are in danger and when they are in danger I'll on the other hand, be out of danger. What better way to combat cancer, eh?